Page 78 of The Pretty Savage

There was no other option.

He told me I snuck into his bloodstream, but he was the one that destroyed all the walls I had erected, pushing through with no questions asked, and I had no idea if I would survive him rejecting me after he found out who I truly was.

I was trying to look at all of this from a rational point of view, but there was nothing rational about the way I felt. There was nothing rational in this insane pull I felt, and even as angry and hurt as I was, I held on to him last night, too tired to argue and too tired to talk about anything, thinking we would talk today, that he would be here once I woke up.

But he was gone.

I turned to my right and my heart started hammering in my chest, bruising my ribs, when my eyes landed on the folded piece of paper with my name on it. My shaky hands took a hold of the paper, opening it, while my eyes flickered over the words written in black ink, trying to gauge his mood from what was written.

Meet me at the cabin after classes. We need to talk.

–A

As much as I wanted to believe that he would repeat the words he had said last night, I couldn't hold on to that. I couldn't because I would inevitably hurt myself if he had something else in mind. For all I knew, he could want to talk to me about The Brotherhood and not about what was happening between us, but whatever it was he wanted to talk about, I would need to tell him about my past and my life.

I would need to shatter myself if I truly wanted to get out of The Schatten, and maybe, just maybe, he would understand. Maybe he would understand why I needed to lie and maybe he’d be able to protect me.

Folding the piece of paper and leaving it where it was, I got up and headed straight to the bathroom, cleaning myself up and then getting dressed. I still had to go through an entire day of classes before meeting him, and I needed to think.

I needed to figure out a way to tell him the truth.

I couldn't focus the entire day. Class after class I was useless, distracted, thinking about Adrian, about last night, about my life and where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do. I couldn't keep living in constant fear of The Schatten, and I knew, without a doubt, that Heinrich would never let me go.

His promises meant nothing and I couldn't allow myself to live like a shadow anymore. I didn't want to.

I wanted to be free, to walk down the street and know the people in coffee shops, bakeries, restaurants… I wanted to have friends, someone to go home to.

Perhaps I was too young to think like this, but after so many years of living how The Schatten wanted me to live, I couldn't continue it. I didn't want to become Alena and I didn't want to help Heinrich while he hurt both the guilty and innocent.

Even the walk with Dante this morning hadn't helped, and if he noticed I was distracted, he didn't say anything. I was just glad we didn't have any of the grueling classes today, I knew I wouldn't be good for any of them. But the closer we came to my last class, the worse I felt, and jitters I never experienced in my life were ravaging my entire body.

So instead of going through the main door to meet Dante before heading to Adrian's cabin, I slipped through the side door, because I needed to think. Tonight could make or break my future, and if I wasn't careful, if I didn't think this through, then there would be no future to look forward to.

Adrian maybe cared about me in his own way, but did he care enough to help me? Did he care enough not to kill me on the spot because I was a traitor?

I passed the admin building in a rush, worried Jax or Andries would see me without Dante, and when I finally entered the small patch of forest that was located just at the edge of the property, spreading onto the mountain above, I could finally breathe properly.

The owls sang in the night, their voices mixing with the sound of the wind slamming into the mountain, and as much as I had complained about the weather here, I was starting to get used to it. I couldn't say it was pleasant, but it wasn't as bad as it was earlier. The snow melted on the grounds of the Academy, but if I looked up, I could see the thick layer of white on the mountain, brilliantly white, and instead of hating it, I wanted to explore those parts.

I remembered the road that could take us higher up into the mountain and I wondered if Yolanda knew the way.

But thinking about the mountain wasn't going to solve my dilemma, nor was it going to help me put into words the truth I needed to tell Adrian. I also knew I didn't have long before they sounded the alarm for me. Dante would soon figure out I wasn't at the main building anymore, and since he wouldn't find me in my room either, I had maybe half an hour before a search party would spread through the campus.

So instead of wandering aimlessly, I turned in the direction of Adrian's cabin and started walking slowly, listing the pros and cons in my head, wrapping my arms around myself when the wind started blasting faster, hoping this wouldn't give me pneumonia just because I wanted to think.

I could almost see Adrian's cabin in the distance, or at least the lights he had on outside, when I heard it. The unmistakable sound of footsteps, the crunching on the ground, and there was more than one pair.

I looked up at the sky, right through the bare treetops, seeing the clouds hiding the moon, and I cursed inwardly, knowing I had no weapons to defend myself. I was too distracted when I left my room today, with my mind in the fucking clouds. If my old instructors could see me, they wouldn’t be pleased, because I forgot the first rule—always be protected.

My heart roared, the fight-or-flight instinct awakening inside of me, but I kept walking slowly, carefully listening to the sounds around me. My knife wasn't with me, and I cursed myself for leaving it behind today. I usually didn't need it, but I should've kept it with me. I should've taken it.

The footsteps came closer, the whispers on the wind becoming more pronounced. "Who's there?" I called out, turning around, trying to see into the darkness, but there was nothing. My eyes zeroed in on a tree trunk just a couple of feet away from me, thinking I had seen movement, when a pain like no other blasted over my back as someone slammed something into me, making me fall to the ground.

My eyes closed, trying to fight against the pain, trying to get up, but just as I started lifting myself up on my knees, a kick came to my stomach, making me grunt in pain.

"Bitch!" a feminine voice shrieked as the punches kept coming. My back, my stomach, my legs, they were all a target, and as I rolled onto my back I saw four figures wearing ski masks standing above me, their faces hidden, but I stored the sound of their voices in the back of my head.

"You're nothing!" one of the girls yelled out just as her foot hit the side of my body.

---