Page 76 of The Pretty Savage

"Sometimes when I blink I pretend that I'm asleep." I laughed, but it sounded hollow even to my own ears, and Dante wasn't exactly happy.

"You know we're going to catch this maniac, right?" He was so convinced, so confident, but I wasn't. If the maniac didn't want to get caught, then he or she would probably stay hidden. "You don't have to be afraid."

"I'm not afraid," I huffed and started walking toward my building. It took him a second to catch up with me, what with his long legs and fast strides. "I'm furious. I am absolutely furious at this entire situation. I know how to defend myself, dammit. I know how to take down men twice my size, and yet we're stuck together because you guys think I need to be protected."

"Vega." He inhaled sharply. "This isn't about you not being able to protect yourself. Those girls, they knew how to fight as well, but this person is smart. Remember how both of them just disappeared, and none of their friends knew where they went. We don't want that to happen to you. You're part of The Brotherhood now and we protect what's ours."

That one simple statement shouldn't have sent shivers all over my body, while invisible talons clenched around my heart, slowly heading toward my throat, pushing unshed tears to my eyes. It shouldn't have meant as much as it did, because I wasn't going to be part of The Brotherhood, not for too long.

The more I talked to Dante, the less I was convinced that I should start my relationship with them based on a lie. I wanted them to know who I was and where I came from, but I couldn't exactly tell them I was their enemy.

Dante let it slip a few times over the last couple of days how much they hated The Schatten, and how every single agent that worked for The Schatten was nothing more than a soulless monster, ready to do whatever, because they were so brainwashed. And he wasn't wrong, not even a little bit, but it still pained me that I was in that same bucket.

I would be the soulless monster in their eyes, and while I had no idea what kind of feud they had with The Schatten, it was obvious it didn't start over something simple. Knowing Heinrich, he probably managed to screw up one of their families, or even all of their families.

I didn't know enough about the history of this world I was a part of, but the more I learned during history class, the less I was convinced I wanted to continue this charade for Heinrich. I wanted to come clean and tell them the truth. I wanted to warn Adrian that Heinrich was planning something, and planting me here was just the first step.

I wasn't afraid of the faceless monster haunting these grounds, but I was terrified of Adrian's reaction once I told him.

"I know it's a lot to take in," Dante continued speaking while I stayed quiet, walking right next to me. "But The Brotherhood is more than just an army, Vega. We aren't creating it on a whim. We want to give people a family, a place where they can feel safe. We're not exactly creating a club led by Mary Poppins, but in the sea of all these other monsters, we might be the best ones. And trust me, I grew up surrounded by monsters." I looked up at him, hearing the emotion in his voice. "And I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

"I know," I murmured, understanding what it was they were trying to do. Dante explained just two days ago that their fathers needed to be taken down. They’d been on the throne for far too long, destroying everything, becoming too greedy, and they wanted them gone.

The funniest thing was that I wanted in. I wanted to help them take down those men that cared only for themselves, and not for the innocents they were targeting.

None of us were saints, but we had enough heart to see that targeting entire families was wrong. It was beyond wrong, and I wanted to stop it.

"I know you know," he chuckled, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "And I know you're pissed. We're all pissed." I swallowed heavily as we continued walking, seeing my building not too far away from us. "And I want you to use that anger and direct it at the idiot that thought it would be a good idea to target you. I need you to train like you have never trained before, to be the best there is. And I want you to go in now," he murmured as we came closer to the entrance. "And go to sleep. You look like shit, and I'm worried you're just going to keel over one of these days."

I looked up at him, knowing that my eyes shimmered with tears, but I didn't care.

The Schatten had never made me feel this protected, this cared for. Dante was almost like the brother I never had, and I didn't want to let it go. I didn't even want to think what would happen in the near future, when I would need to either come clean or leave them behind.

Instead of saying anything, I wrapped my arms around his middle, burying my face in his coat, hiding my true emotions from his inquisitive eyes. Dante grunted, but instead of pushing me away, he wrapped me in a tight hug, murmuring soothing words I couldn't quite hear, but my soul did.

Cracks that had never been filled started filling in with each new word he spoke, rubbing my back, telling me that everything would be okay. If only he knew what kind of a monster he held in his arms, he wouldn't be standing here with me.

He would've been on the other side, aiming his gun at me, and after these two weeks at the Academy, I felt guilt for the first time in my life.

"Thank you, Dante," I murmured. "I think I needed that."

"Anytime, bella. Anytime." He took a step back, petting my head like a little kid, while I kept my eyes on the ground, trying to figure out a way to get out of this mess. "Come on, go in. Jax checked your room earlier and everything looked good."

I winced at that, that guilt piling up and up, because I was taking precious time from these men. We weren't a family, but if I had the chance I wouldn't think twice. I would embrace them wholeheartedly, not even asking a single question. But as it would be, I couldn't let that happen.

At least not yet.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning, right?" I murmured, walking backward toward the building. "At seven?"

"Yeah." He grinned, burying his hands into the pockets of his coat. "I'll be here. Get some sleep!" he yelled as I put more and more distance between us, and before long, I was at the very entrance, feeling Dante's eyes on my back, grateful I had someone to talk to today, if only to distract me from all the issues.

I rarely lingered in the common area, and while everyone that was seated around had their eyes plastered on me, I didn't stick around, choosing the comfort of my bed instead of sitting around and trying to make small talk, when we all knew they didn't want me here. It wasn't like I was making any effort to make new friends, but sometimes I wished I was more like them, free to mingle and free to exist.

But I wasn't like them, and thinking in this way would only bring a whole lot of heartbreak. I didn't need more shit to pile up in my brain, because I did want to sleep.

Yolanda had left Ambien in my room, or at least she said she did when I met her during lunch, because she was the only one that knew I couldn't sleep. She was also the only one I trusted enough with the keys of my room, and when I saw her during lunch, getting back my keys, she didn’t have to say anything for me to recognize that look on her face. Yolanda wasn’t trying to hide how displeased she was that I looked like shit from the lack of sleep, but at least she didn’t start berating me again, telling me I needed to rest or would collapse one of these days. She swore it would help, and I hoped it truly would. I couldn't go on like this, sluggish, barely able to walk around because I wasn't getting enough sleep.

I never had an issue with it before, but now it was as if all the lights in my head were switched on, making it impossible to shut my mind off for more than an hour or two.

---