Page 28 of Playing the Sicilian's Game of Revenge

“It was years ago when you tried. You were a teenager. You’re older, wiser. No doubt you have access to better equipment. You can do this. You will do this.”

She shook her head and withdrew her hand from his, lurching to her feet. “N-no. That’s...not the deal.” Her breathing was coming in little pants, the words sounding a bit strangled. He stood too, reaching out for her without fully understanding why. Just the instinctive need to calm her.

But she stumbled backward, only keeping herself upright by pressing against the wall. Her eyes were wide. She was gasping like a drowning person. Panic radiated off of her in waves.

“Saverina,” he said, careful to keep his voice even although her panic sliced through him. But demanding to know what was happening certainly wouldn’t calm her. “Bedda, breathe.”

“Can’t,” she gasped. Her gaze was wild.

“Yes,” he returned as he stepped closer. “You can. You are fine and well and safe. Come, Saverina. Hold on to me.” He held out his hand, heart hammering in his chest. He knew he could not simply grab her. It could cause whatever panic was hurting her to expand.

She had to make the choice. For long, terrible moments she just stood there, struggling to breathe and staring at him with wide eyes. Then slowly, very slowly, she reached a trembling hand toward his outstretched one.

He grasped it quickly, then didn’t bother with the rest. He swept her up in his arms. She shouldn’t be on her feet anymore. “Come, bedda. We will sit, and all will be well,” he murmured with more certainty than he felt.

He carried her to the little couch, kept her safe in his lap as she shook and gasped for air. He could not give her air, and that about cut him in two. But she held on to him, trembling and struggling.

The only other time he’d ever felt so helpless was watching his mother fade away. The memory should have filled him with anger anew, but he couldn’t get there past all his worry for Saverina.

When she finally began to settle, he skimmed a hand over her hair, setting it back to rights. “Explain this?”

“N-nothing.” Her shoulders slumped, and she leaned into him. He held her close. It wasn’t nothing. That much was clear. But he didn’t prod her, just held her until she was breathing normally again.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

WHEN THE WORST of the attack was over, Saverina was too exhausted and wrung out to even feel embarrassment. Yet. It would come, but not tonight.

All in all, it wasn’t the worst one she’d ever had, though it had come on more quickly than they usually did. Usually she had time to remove herself, time to access her coping skills. This one had hit hard and fast and with no warning.

The way he’d grasped her hand, so certain, so impassioned. “You will do this.” It had just set off an immediate panic inside her, because she had tried to prove this once before and failed. No one had known, so while it had been frustrating, it hadn’t been a failure.

Now it would be. The panic threated to curl around her once more, so she simply breathed in the spicy scent of Teo’s cologne and enjoyed—when she absolutely should not—the feeling of utter safety in his arms.

It was embarrassing but not terrible. She’d rather have an attack in front of Teo than have one in public or in front of her family. She did not have to worry about Teo blaming himself for her own issues like she did with all her siblings.

“Come. Explain,” he said. He spoke gently, calmly, but it was a demand. She found this was one of the rare instances when a demand kind of worked rather than made her angry. It gave her a clear next step, helped her brain focus on the answer, not the panic still fluttering around inside of her.

“I...have panic attacks sometimes. An old vestige of a traumatic childhood. It is nothing to concern yourself over. I spent some years in therapy dealing with the worst of it.” She wanted to get up off the settee, his lap for heaven’s sake, but her legs were shaky. Every part of her was shaking.

“How have I never seen such a thing?” he asked, not in accusation, but with a kind of confusion. Still, he just held her against him like sitting curled up with each other was the most natural thing in the world.

It would never be, she reminded herself harshly, no matter how much she liked the feeling of being held and looked after. “It is rare that I have them these days. I have gotten help, and I know how to avoid my triggers, for the most part.”

“Triggers. Such as?”

This question was enough to have her pushing against him. She couldn’t stand just yet, but she managed to maneuver off his lap, out of his arms and to her own side of the settee. Discussing her triggers was not avoiding them.

“It is of no consequence.” Did he really need to know all her weaknesses? He’d no doubt exploit them to his own ends.

“How can I avoid them for you if I do not know them?”

This seemed like a reasonable question, but they were not friends. He was not her real boyfriend or fiancé. He did not love her or care for her anyway. At best, he was attracted to her and didn’t hate her. At the end of the day, he was just a man using her to aid in his revenge.

He’d made that very clear.

“Why would you care to avoid them, Teo?” She rubbed at her temples, where the usual after-attack headache was beginning to make itself known. She did not have the energy to guard herself against him. She had to find some way to finish their conversation and send him on his way.

He did not answer her for a long time. So long it felt like she had to look at him. Confusion was etched across his beautiful face. She doubted that was a very common feeling for him. “You are not my enemy, Saverina,” he said, very seriously.

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