Page 41 of Savage Temptation

I wasn’t understanding until behind her came the flash of blonde. Michelle was standing completely naked in the middle of my damn living room.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“I have no idea what the fuck you think you’re doing, but by the time I’m back, you better not be here.” I berated her just before storming out my door after Jamie.

But as soon as I got to the sidewalk, she was gone. No trace of her besides the twist in my gut and the anger in my chest.

Jamie

There had been a day, not so long ago, when I finally realized I had nothing else to lose. That there was no lower than the low I’d hit.

I was wrong.

This was my new low, and there was something I still stood to lose.

The last of my dignity.

I held onto the tears that burned my eyes, not allowing a single drop to fall until it was safe. The sky, though? It was coming down like I wished I could.

The image of Michelle, butt-naked, standing in the middle of Liam’s living room, haunted me all the way home. It had no subtitles, though. I couldn’t allow any words or thoughts to accompany that image until I was home.

Instead, I watched the lights pass by in a blur, a two-drop race on the window momentarily distracting me into a less dark place. Thankfully, the Uber driver kept to himself, not making unnecessary small talk, or I simply hadn’t registered if he had tried.

As soon as I saw the Laundromat next door to my apartment, my heart sped up. I knew the inevitable was coming any second now.

My heart was right.

I didn’t even make it to the top of the entrance stairs before the tears were free and rapidly falling. I steadied myself with a hand against the glass door as I cried, the sobs shaking my shoulders with violence.

A wave of nausea hit me at the same time, each new sob making it worse. I ran all the way up to my apartment. I couldn’t trust my stomach not to turn. How this affected me so much was beyond me. It was just a hookup, just sex. Right?

There were no promises of exclusivity, no promises of anything at all. Liam wasn’t mine in any way. I had no claim over him. So why the hell was I feeling like he had betrayed me?

My thing for Liam – I refused to give it a name or definition – was worse than I’d thought. I was hurt and nothing had happened between us yet. There was a line I shouldn’t have crossed, and yet I couldn’t even see it anymore.

I burst into my apartment, straight to the bathroom, emptying my stomach into the toilet. A mix of too much alcohol and too much emotion making me hurl without relief.

You’re ridiculous! How could you ever think that a man like Liam would ever be with someone like you? You’re worthless. Not even good enough to be a meaningless one-night stand.

I knew where those words came from, and I couldn’t stop myself from feeling each one deep in my bones and believing them like an unshakable truth.

Today, they were.

My father was right. I could try to disguise it all I wanted, but sooner or later the truth would prevail, and Liam would see me for who I really am. A worthless fraud.

I cried harder at that realization. I had fought long and hard against it, but I couldn’t hold up my sword anymore.

Suddenly, there was a hand holding my hair back, his scent hitting my senses like a ton of bricks, making me heave even harder.

The humiliation apparently wasn’t over.

“Please leave,” I said, my voice weak and hoarse, my vision blurred by tears and shattered illusions.

“No.” He simply replied, his warm hand settling on my back, rubbing soothing circles. It felt so damn good, which only made it feel like sandpaper on an open wound.

Fuck, I was completely damaged.

I took my time composing myself before I felt ready to face him. As ready as one could feel, at least.

---