Page 76 of City of Salvation

I could get used to this. Iwantedto get used to this.

“You know, you still owe me three answers from our little pole dance bet,” I drawled lazily, looking down at her.

She stiffened for a brief moment before burrowing closer. “I guess I do,” she said with a shy smile on her glowing face. “But it’s only two—the hairflip doesn’t count as a separate move. What do you want to know?”

I thought about arguing but didn’t want to push my luck. “Why do you hold back?”

The smile dipped, her eyes darting away. The pause was long enough that I wondered if she’d refuse to answer again, but then she spoke.

“You know how your mom was never there? Mine wasn’t either. It was just me and my dad and he was… a lot. I never wanted for anything, but I didn’t realize until it was too late that all the stuff he gave me was to keep me from noticing the golden cage I’d grown up in.”

I trailed my fingers across her bare skin, taking in what she was saying, and what she wasn’t.

“He did give me dance though,” she said, a smile evident in her tone. “I thought I was going to be a professional ballerina .”

“Why didn’t you? I saw you dance in our living room, Nikki. You were breathtaking.” I rubbed at my chest, where it suddenly ached. She was breathtaking no matter what she was doing.

She turned and looked at me, her eyes dipping to my lips more than once, but I didn’t close the distance, wanting her to continue letting me in.

“Have you ever talked about this with Ryan?” I asked, with a sick desire for her to say no. I wanted to be the one she finally spilled her secrets to.

There was another pause before she responded. “No, I’ve never talked about this with anyone.”

Unable to help myself, I pressed my lips to hers, needing to taste her, needing to express with my actions all the things I couldn’t say with words. She had no clue she was taking a fucking battering ram to the carefully constructed coffin around my heart with every smile, every secret shared, and every show of kindness. Why would she?

Nikki wasn’t looking to make someone fall in love with her. Yet here I was falling, and I wasn’t sure there was a damn thing I could do to stop it.

Or if I even wanted to.

She cupped my face, stroking my cheek, but there was something in her gaze that had me tensing. “But to answer your question, circumstances changed. My father didn’t have dancing in his plan for my future. It wasn’t an option he would give me. And I had no money of my own to continue.”

“Why even let you start then?”

The laugh she let out was bitter, laced with anger and pain. “Because he’d know exactly where I was every day. It was nothing more than another cage. I actually wouldn’t want to do it anymore now, even if I could. All I would think of was how it had been used to shackle me.”

Her fingers began moving across my skin again, almost subconsciously. “Don’t get me wrong, I still love dancing, but there’s freedom up on the pole. I have autonomy over my movements, my outfits…my body. The first night I danced on a pole, that was the first time I’d ever held cash I’d earned on my own. It was addicting, knowing I could do shit on my own without relying on anyone else.”

I tilted her chin with my fingers, needing her to see the sincerity in what I was about to say. “There’s a difference between letting people in and relying on them, and someone trying to control you.”

Let me be there for you. Rely on me.

Those were the words I wanted to say, but they died on my tongue. Instead, I spouted off something else without thinking of how she’d react.

“Who are you running from? I mean, really running from, because it’s notjustthe Russians, is it?” She stiffened against me.

“I already answered your two questions, Dex,” she said, her voice small. “I know Ryan told you to watch me and all, but this is my issue to solve.”

How could she still feel that way? Hadn’t we gotten far enough for her to see she could let me in?

“That’s bullshit, Nikki. You know we can help.” I sat up so I could look at her face while we had this discussion. Her throat bobbed, eyes turned down as she played with a strand of her hair.

“This ismyproblem.Alone.” There wasn’t the normal venom in her tone from when we’d previously broached the subject of her past. This time she sounded sad—resigned.

“That’s the fucking point, Nikki, you’re not alone anymore,” I said, sliding out of the bed, needing to do something with my possessive energy. Because that’s what I was feeling for her.

Possessive.

Her words had been like a punch to the gut, stripping me of oxygen. I gripped her face between my calloused palms. “Quit trying to run from me. What more do I have to tell you to get that I wantyou?All of you. Including the shit you’re running from.”

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