Page 40 of City of Salvation

Nikki burst into laughter so loud that it made me jump. Tears streamed down from the corners of her eyes, and she wiped them away with her knuckles before sobering. Something about the way she looked at me felt as if I was completely exposed.

She cleared her throat. “I’ve never had anyone apologize for something they’ve said to me.” She stepped in closer, and the proximity had me fisting my hands to avoid reaching out and touching her. But then she wrapped her arms around my middle, pressing her cheek into my chest, and I went as stiff as a board.

“You can hug me back, Dex,” she said into my chest with a chuckle.

I placed my arms around her, holding her to me. I wasn’t sure I’d ever let her go. “I can't even remember the last time I hugged someone,” I admitted, relishing how perfectly she fit against me. The crown of her head rested just below my chin, and an inexplicable desire to kiss the top of it washed over me. All my usual physical contact was either of a sexual nature or non-existent.

Nothing soft and innocent like this…not since Kelly.

The thought choked me up, the grief taking me by surprise. Like it always did.

Grief was a selfish bitch who infected every emotion you possessed. It infiltrated each moment and memory, poisoning them with the knowledge that things will never be the same.

“I don’t ever hug anyone either,” Nikki said, mimicking my thoughts, but all I could give her was a grunt of agreement, too overrun with thoughts of the past. A soft smile greeted me when she looked up, but it quickly morphed into afrown, and she pushed away. “Now I’m the one being an ass. I should have asked if I could hug you.”

I reached out, freeing her bottom lip from between her teeth, unable to resist running the pad of my thumb along the plump flesh. “You can hug me whenever you want, Nikki. I’m pretty sure friends do that shit all the time.” We stared at one another until I cleared my throat, breaking the strange moment we’d shared. “Alright. Let’s go find Beto and get him his burrito, because I seriously do want to eat it.”

My stomach rumbled right on cue, and Nikki was quick to roll her eyes at me, tossing playful insults in my direction. We went in through the warehouse door on the side of the building. Nikki had mumbled back at the taco truck something about not being able to handle all the horniness if we walked in through the dancer’s entrance.

My eyebrows basically hit my hairline when we passed into the heart of the Los Muertos operation space.

“Damn, it doesn’t even look like there was a full-on gunfight in here.” Without meaning to, my gaze drifted to where I knew Ryan had killed Mario.

They’d done a good job of cleaning, but there was still an area of the concrete that was slightly darker than the rest. There was a reason we covered our interrogation rooms in tile—porous surfaces soaked up too much blood, and it was impossible to get out. Ryan hadn’t known that I was perched up on top of one of the bays, zeroed in on Mario. Ready to take him out.

But that wasn’t how it all went down.

She’ d taken the motherfucker out herself, getting herself stabbed in the process. In all my years with Gunner, I’d never seen him go ghost-white like he had in that moment.

I stared at the dark spot.

“Fuck!” Gunner screamed, sliding down the wall of thehospital. They wouldn’t let us into the surgery room, and I’d had to physically hold Gunner back from attempting to force his way in. Only thing that had made him calm the fuck down was when I pointed out the tremor in the surgeon’s hand.

“You want him sewing up your girl while his hand shakes like a fuckin’ leaf? Because that’s what’s going to happen if you don’t get your shit together right now, Gunner.”

Only then did he stop thrashing in my arms.

“Is this what it was like?” he asked me. Devastation poured from him. I didn’t have to ask him what he was talking about. I knew.

To lose someone you love was a cruel form of punishment.

I kneeled before him, clamping a hand on his slumped shoulder. “Naw, brother. The real pain comes when you put them in the ground. And everyone shows up to pay their respects, and you know they get to go about their fucking lives right after like nothing happened. The moment is nothing but a small blimp on their week. Meanwhile, every fuckin’ day, you’re taunted with the fact that you’d somehow fucking made it, and the person you love didn’t.”

He blinked at me, his mouth falling open, but what the hell did you say to a trauma dump like that?

“But you aren’t going to feel that despair, because your girl is gonna make it,” I said with confidence as I stood, walking away and calling out that I was going to grab us some food.

I couldn’t stay around to see the pity in his eyes as he processed what I’d just unloaded onto him.

Nikki's gentle voice caught me off guard. “You saw her do it, huh?” I blinked a few times, snapping back to reality after my brief mental escape. I hadn't even noticed that she'd paused alongside me. Her petite hand lay on my forearm, andthe urge to hold it came roaring back. I just wanted to see how it looked intertwined with my own.

“Killing someone you loved, especially when they've betrayed you, is…” her voice trailed off.

Nikki looked like she too was somewhere far away rather than right next to me as she stared at the spot on the ground. The grip on my forearm tightened, her contemplative expression growing increasingly tense—angry.

“That a secret wish? Or…” I asked tentatively, keeping my volume low so all the guys milling around wouldn’t hear our conversation. Something told me she wouldn’t want anyone else to know what we were talking about. Hell, I wasn't certain she wanted me to know the details.

Her shoulders tensed, making her already good posture near perfect. There was something in her tone when she spoke that had my gut telling me it wasn’t theoretical.

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