Page 46 of His Innocent Unwrapped In Iceland

She didn’t understand why that thought left her so desolate.

He spent the rest of the day in his office, only coming out to tell her that due to the weather, the helicopter wouldn’t be able to take her back to the UK until tomorrow.

Getting rid of you the way that family got rid of you. Like David got rid of you.

She couldn’t stop thinking about that, or about how Orion had told her that David had sold her to him. Because he had. She hadn’t really taken it in when Orion had arrived at the church that day and told her about the deal he’d done with David, because she’d had too many other things to worry about.

But she was thinking about it now. How her happiness or what she wanted had never mattered to him. He hadn’t considered those things at all; only the company had ever been important. Never her.

And it was clear she wasn’t important to Orion either, if he could get rid of her the way everyone else had, with absolutely no difficulty whatsoever.

It hurt. It hurt so much.

That night he didn’t join her in bed the way he normally did, so she lay awake, tossing and turning and aching. Until eventually, sometime before midnight, she got up and went downstairs.

The Christmas tree glowed in the room, the lights turned on and twinkling in the dimness.

She went over to it and sat down, staring up at the lights, her throat feeling sore and her eyes dry and gritty, her thoughts returning to Orion and the desolation she felt at being sent away. The agony seemed disproportionate to what was simply the end of a perfectly lovely affair and she had no idea why.

The end of that scene in his office earlier had been so painful, especially because she’d thought she was getting through to him. She shouldn’t have followed him in there after he’d burned the gift of Luke’s email address, but she couldn’t stand leaving him alone with such pain. She’d wanted him to know that he didn’t need to be afraid, that Luke would love him because—

Becauseyoulove him. That’s why it hurts so much. That’s why you feel so desolate.

The lights in the tree blurred, the whole world falling away.

She couldn’t breathe. Was that true? Had she fallen in love with Orion? Was this why him sending her away left her feeling as though her heart had been ripped out? Why the thought of his pain made her hurt too? And why all she’d been able to see when he’d shown her the Christmas tree, had been children? Their children?

Her eyes closed and it felt as if the weight of an entire mountain was sitting on her chest.

He didn’t want a family; he’d been very clear, and it was only now that she understood why. He must have felt this way, standing in the hallway of that house, watching his son. He must have felt this same tearing pain, and it was pain. The pain of wanting something with your whole heart and having to give it up.

No wonder he didn’t want to revisit this feeling again. She’d asked him that in his office, if he’d change his mind about having a family with someone he loved, and he’d said no. Yet she hadn’t understood the reality of her own question. She understood now, though. She understood completely.

Isla stared up at the lights, feeling tears slide slowly down her cheeks, her heart in agony, not knowing what to do.

Youdoknow what to do. You know deep down inside.

Her throat closed. He didn’t want her, the way that family hadn’t wanted her. The way David didn’t want her. Oh, they all thought they did. They’d all liked the idea of her, but when it came to the reality of her in their lives, they’d changed their minds.

And you let them. You never fight to stay.

It was true. That family that sent her back, she’d never told them not to. She’d never told them she wanted to stay. She’d never done that with David either. She’d done what he wanted, because she hadn’t felt as if she could rock the boat.

You have so much fight, but you never fight for what you actually want.

A shiver went through her. It was true, she hadn’t, and she hadn’t because she was afraid. Afraid that even fighting wouldn’t be enough. Thatshewouldn’t be enough. Just like she hadn’t been enough for David or that family. Or Orion.

So, what? You’re just going to leave? Like a good little dog?

Isla closed her eyes, her throat aching. But what else could she do? She could fight for what she wanted, fight for more, fight for this marriage they’d entered into, but Orion didn’t want that. He’d been very clear. And who was she to change his mind?

He sacrificed having his son in his life in order to make Luke happy. But does that mean he has to sacrifice his own happiness too? Doesn’t he deserve some himself? A chance for it at least?

A shiver went through her like a small electric shock. Yes, hediddeserve more. He deserved alotmore. He’d sacrificed everything for his son, leaving precious little for himself except a view of himself as selfish and destructive, which was the opposite of the man he truly was. The man she’d fallen utterly and completely in love with.

That man deserved happiness. That man deserved everything.

And you think you’re the one to give it to him? After he told you he didn’t want you?

---