Orion forgot everything. Everything but the need to be inside her. He held her pinned to the glass as he undid the zip of her jeans, tugging them down and her knickers too until she was open to him. Then he got his own jeans undone and after adjusting their positions slightly, seconds later he was pushing inside her, making them both gasp aloud.
Her blue eyes were dark with desire and he couldn’t look away, transfixed by all that burning sapphire. And as he moved inside her, he was conscious of something unfurling inside him, an awareness. Of her. Of the tight wet heat of her sex gripping him. Of her arms around his neck. Of her soft gasps of pleasure. Of her intoxicating scent.
Of her heart of fire.
And he knew.
He’d never get to the bottom of his fascination with her. There would be no end. She would continue to occupy his thoughts for the next week, the next month, the next year. She would continue to occupy his thoughts for ever.
Because his heart burned too and it always had. It burned with love for his son, a love he’d been trying to deny and yet in the end, hadn’t been able to. It was too powerful. And now it burned with love for her too.
She’d set it alight that day in the gallery and that fire had never gone out; he just hadn’t recognised it. Until now.
He moved harder, deeper, wanting to cover himself with her, inhale her sweetness and take it inside himself, because he knew too how this was going to end. He was going to have to give her up the way he’d given up Luke.
She wanted things he couldn’t give her. Things he was done with. She wanted a family and he didn’t. He’d had a family and it was gone, and he wasn’t going to do it again.
It would hurt her. It would hurt her badly, and yet there was no other way this could go. But before that moment, he could at least give her some pleasure to take with her, so he did, slipping his fingers between her thighs and stroking her as moved. Making her moan and cry out and twist against him.
The orgasm came before he was ready and he wanted to resist it, to draw out the ecstasy for as long as possible, but it was too intense. It swept over both of them, relentless as a king tide, leaving them both gasping, and he held her for a long time against the glass, neither of them speaking.
Finally, he eased away and let her down gently so she was standing once again, then dealt with their clothing, taking his time because this was the last time he would touch her. The last time he’d kiss her, stroke her hair, touch her skin.
It was agony when he finally stepped away, but he did it.
Perhaps she had a sense of what was coming because her face was pale once again, all the pretty colour from her orgasm leached away from her skin. ‘You’re still going to send me away, aren’t you?’
His heart ached at the hurt in her eyes. He hadn’t thought she’d feel so strongly about all of this and that had been careless of him. He should have kept her at a distance. He should have made it all about sex and nothing more. He shouldn’t have let her in.
But he had and now there was no help for it. He’d made his choice.
‘I’m sorry, Isla.’ He had to work to keep the rough edge from his voice. ‘But yes, it’s time for our honeymoon to end.’
She just stood there staring at him as if he’d made the ground she walked on suddenly disappear under her feet. ‘Why? I thought it wasn’t me?’
It hurt to look at the bewilderment on her face, but what could he say? Telling her how he felt would only make this even worse for her. Because how could he explain why love was always sacrifice? Why love was always pain? Better to spare her that while he could. She’d have plenty of time to figure that out for herself.
‘It’s not,’ he said. ‘But I never wanted a wife, Isla. I never wanted a family. I had one and then I lost it and I’m not doing it again.’
‘So it’s a choice,’ Isla said flatly and it wasn’t a question. ‘This is something you’re actively choosing.’
He didn’t understand what she was getting at. ‘Yes, didn’t I just say that?’
‘And what about for someone you loved? Would you do it for them?’
The question caught him off guard and for a second all he could do was stare at her, while his heart shouted,Yes, I’d do it for you. I love you. And the family you want, I want too, and we could have one together.
But he swallowed down the words. Because somewhere, somehow, at some point in time, he would destroy that family. He would ruin it, because that’s what he did. Or maybe something else would happen and it would be ripped from him once again anyway. Either way, he couldn’t risk it happening again. The first time it had just about destroyed him. The next time it would kill him.
‘No,’ he said quietly. ‘Not even then.’
She didn’t say anything for the longest time. Then finally all the fight seemed to drain right out of her, and she turned and left his office without a word.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ISLADIDN’TKNOWwhat to do. He’d told her it wasn’t her, yet he was sending her away all the same and it didn’t make any sense. The way it felt as if he’d ripped her heart out of her chest didn’t make any sense either.
She’d only known him a week. What did it matter if he didn’t want a family? She’d had that brief, wonderful vision of being here at Christmas time with a family of her own, one with children. Orion’s children. And while that vision had made her long for it deeply, she could have that wonderful family Christmas with another man, couldn’t she? It didn’t have to be with Orion.