Page 17 of Beautiful Delusions

"Scream," Ezra barks, and I obey. I call out Lucas' name again and again, as he pumps his cock and explodes all over my stomach. I barely notice, my body and legs growing numb. Tears slip from the corner of my eyes. It's all too much.

By the time I'm a jerking mess and slumping against Lucas' chest, my nails have cracked against his skin. Rivets of blood stream south.

"What a fucking mess," I sigh, too weak to care. Multiple chuckles respond, Kyan cupping my cheek.

"Welcome to a life with us," he kisses my forehead. I'm passed over, cradled in Kyan's arms and walked towards the showers. It's only when Ezra lathers up his hands and proceeds to wash me down, I realize we all have a part to play here. Outside of this shower, Ezra may act as if he hates me, but I’m his pet too. He’ll care for me when it really matters, I think.

Purple highlighter in hand, my eyes skim the first draft of my essay, picking out words I’ve used too often. After I’ve finished with the purple, I’ll go back in with the yellow to underline where I should add references. It’s a lengthy process I’ve perfected to work for me, but today feels more tedious with the eyes of three Thorn Brothers staring from across the dining room.

“I’ve already told you, I’ll be fine,” I huff. In my peripheral vision, I see them all straighten in the doorway. “Go to your fancy family event. I’m just going to sit here and finish this essaybefore Mrs. Patrick calls me out in class again.” None of them leave, so I go back to reading my handwritten work. I thought they’d have grown bored of watching me by now. Last night, one by one, I seemed to gain another addition in the bed, but I’m not complaining. The nightmares were kept at bay, and I didn’t need to overdose for it.

It isn’t lost on me how my recent panic attack has set them on edge, and I wouldn’t class it as an extreme one. In fact, they haven’t left my side since I was discharged from the clinic. What worries me the most is that I’m becoming far too comfortable with them lingering close. I fear what happens when I get to the point of being dependent on it.

Finally, they can’t wait around any longer. Headlights of a car pulling up outside momentarily flash through the curtains, the beep of a horn announcing their time to loiter is up. Three impeccably pressed suits approach me, Kyan easing the highlighter from my grip.

“We’ve made sure the team stays elsewhere tonight. Lock the door after we’ve gone.” His dark eyes wait for mine to lift and register his order. I purse my lips and nod. Ezra’s hand whips out, gripping my chin and twisting me to face him.

"Promise us you won't do anything reckless while we're gone," he demands, his eyes locking onto mine with an intensity that leaves me feeling exposed. I manage to withhold my frustration.

“Guys, I’m a big girl. If you don’t want me to feel the need to escape, stop building a cage around me.” Ezra’s hand instantly drops away. The horn outside blares again, more insistently this time.

"We’ll be back as soon as we can, Feisty One," Lucas murmurs, his lips brushing against my cheek. The warmth of his touch sends shivers down my spine. Kyan and Ezra follow suit, each pressing a soft kiss to my cheek and forehead. I swallowhard, trying to ignore the fluttering in my chest as Ezra’s mouth lingers beside my ear.

“Even big girls can act stupid. Don’t get any funny ideas.”

"Of course not," I smile sweetly to put him even more on edge. The boys stroll away, their muscles shifting within navy blue blazers and white collared shirts. Kyan’s black hair sweeps in all directions, while Lucas’ shock of auburn locks are as unruly as Ezra’s wild blond nest. It doesn’t matter either way. With the snug fit of their tailored slacks, no one is going to be looking above their waistbands. The front door clicks shut and despite Kyan’s request, I hear the key twist in the lock. Rolling my eyes, I wait for the headlights to flash once more, signaling their departure before pulling my phone out from between my thighs.

‘You ready yet?’ Letty’s message pops up on the screen right on cue. My heart jackhammers in my chest.

‘Ten minutes. I’ll meet you at yours.’ I reply, jumping up from my chair. Her invitation came about an hour ago, while the boys were busy having a whipping war with their ties. I could have told them, but Jazzie shut down that thought fairly quickly with a very convincing argument. Yesterday was intense. I deserve some time to decompress. I haven’t had real friends before. As for the boys, they may have the illusion they own me–but no one owns me. I should be living my life the way I want to, and so on and so forth.

By the time Jazzie had finished reeling off reasons to go out and let my hair down, I’d already responded with a ‘Hell yeah.’ Tonight, I’m not going to be Sophia, the girl scared of her own shadow. I’m going to be Sophia, the free spirit.

Racing into the bathroom, I sigh in relief to find the window I’d pre-unlocked wasn’t detected. I look to Jazzie for a quick mental check. Phone, hoodie, lack of fucks. I’m all set. Jimmying the window fully open, I twist back at the last minute to peer at the orange bottle on the dresser, one lonely pill sitting in thebase. No. Not tonight, I decide before slipping out into the night air. The drainpipe, which has become my personal fireman’s pole, sees me to the ground, my sneakers taking off in a run as soon as they touch the grass.

Letty’s sorority house is just down the road. Music leaks from the building, the buzz of giggles almost bringing my feet to a stop. Nope, not today. I’ve faced enough in this past week to warrant a free pass from my anxiety. As long as my head gets the memo.

“There you are!” Letty flings the door open, a half-empty bottle of vodka in her hand. The excitement in her eyes wanes as she takes in my outfit. “You’re seriously not wearing that, are you?” I frown at my hoodie and jeans, spying the mud on my Converse.

“I mean…it’s just a few girls hanging out, right?”

“Oh, you silly goose!” Letty grabs my arm and drags me inside, up her stairs, and into her bedroom. “When I said, do you want to hang with the girls tonight, I meant in the VIP section of Karlo’s. Duh.”

“Who’s Karlo?”

“God, you’re so cute. It’s like having a foreign exchange student for a friend. Karlo isn’t a who–it’s a what. The hottest nightclub in the city, and Becca has been screwing the security guard.”

“Um, lucky us,” I try to not look terrified and fail. Letty tries to tug my hoodie over my head, and I quickly stop her. “Okay, okay. I’ll change. Let me see what you’ve got.” Jazzie is over my shoulder, peering into Letty’s walk-in closet with me. Am I still feeling as confident about being a free spirit? Fuck no, but at least this way, I’m in charge. Slightly. My fingers brush the dresses, settling for a black long-sleeved dress with a plaid skirt attached. Small plumes of fabric emphasize the shoulders, the material thin and see through. Letty pops her head back in onceI’m dressed, clumsily nudging a pair of glittery heels towards me with her foot.

“Not the most scandalous item I own, but you pull it off. The car’s outside, time to go.” I grab the shoes, not allowing myself to overthink. Passing the long mirror on the back of the door, I still. My pale blue hair is fluffed, scattering wildly around my shoulder. A pink twinge hints at my cheeks, complimenting my full lips. My red bra appears to be a deeper shade of crimson through the dress, and in the heels, my legs appear incredibly long. Thankful, I’ve been keeping up with regularly shaving now the boys seem to be lingering around me all the time.

I would, Jazzie bobs her brows at me. I roll my eyes, grab my phone, and rush out of Letty’s house. The pick-up truck is starting to leave, a whole crowd of girls beckoning me into the back. I totter as best I can until a host of hands reach out and lift me the rest of the way. I land hard on my ass, but laughter spills from my lips. The frat and sorority houses grow smaller in the distance, and my spirit feels like it’s bursting from my body, soaring high above. This is what living feels like. Tonight, I'm breaking free of the chains that bind me.

***

The pulsing bass of the nightclub hits me as soon as we step inside. Becca has hung back to make out with her security guard boyfriend, which I quickly realized was how the other six of us were to sneak through the open double doors. Not quite the welcome I had pictured.

The air is heavy with a mixture of sweat, smoke, and the overpowering scent of cheap perfume and cologne. A blur of neon lights and flashing strobes assault me, illuminating the dance floor and creating pockets of shadows where silhouettes sway to the beat. Glittering confetti rains down from the ceiling,shimmering over a chaotic frenzy of colors and movement. My fingernails dig into my palm. I take a step back, bumping into the people behind me, who proceed to shove me back into the midst of my own group.

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