Page 74 of The Villain Edit

I hate that I’m powerless to change any of this.

I love this man. I want to be with him and if this is the only way I can, I should be happy. I’ve never cared what I’ve had to do to get what I want, and really, what is he asking me to do? Stay in his palatial mansion so we can spend time together? It’s not a hardship, so it shouldn’t feel like one.

But it does.

God, who am I? I don’t recognize this Ashley Foley, moping around because a man asked her to stay a secret. I’ve been people’s secrets before and it never once bothered me. Am I growing some kind of conscience? Some morals?

That might be going too far. But something has changed and I’m unbalanced and uncomfortable in my skin. This feels wrong.

I want all of him, his public and his private life. I can’t change who I am or what I’ve done in the past, but he could stand by me.

Over a few long, solitary hours, it occurs to me that if he loved me, he’d choose to be with me publicly, regardless of what people think.

Unless he loved me but sacrificed us for this ridiculous notion of perfection he’s chasing. That’s too tragic to think about.

My phone dings again.

I’m so sorry, Ashley. How are you holding up? If you want to get out of LA for a while, you can come to stay with us.

Jessie

Hanging out with Jessie and Nic in their happy home would be the last thing I’d want, were I sitting around brokenhearted. But it’s nice of her to offer.

Thanks, but I’m fine. I need to concentrate on finding some work.

me

Gabe said this isn’t forever, I try to console myself. Just for a while, until things settle down.

Or, it will slide into forever without either of us noticing, because Gabe’s goal will keep shifting farther out of reach and he’ll never let us be more than this.

Another ding from my phone. Christ, this is exhausting.

Hey. How are you? Do you need anything? I went to your house, but you aren’t home.

Lea

I call Lea back because Gabe isn’t the only one who dumped me. My agent cut me loose by email this morning. It doesn’t hurt as much as I’d expect. It’s freeing.

Given the money I’ll get from Gabe breaking the fake dating agreement, I can keep Lea employed for a few months, but she’ll need to start looking for a new job. She takes it well. She’s more concerned about my heartbreak and what I want to do for revenge.

“No revenge,” I say.

“We have that dossier,” she points out. “It would be easy if he’s so squeamish about his reputation. He was practically a juvenile delinquent.”

Shit. I forgot to shred that. It’s still in a drawer in my desk. “We signed NDAs, Lea. He’d sue us into oblivion.” Also, I’d never betray his trust, but Lea doesn’t need to know how deep I am in this man. “I think the best revenge is to go out looking hot as hell. Which I’ll do soon. I promise.”

A part of me does want to go out and show him what he could have if he’d get over himself, but the part of me that loves him is too hungry for the time we have together to waste a single hour.

Lea makes me promise to call her if I need anything.

Since I have nothing to do, I spend the day thinking about what I want. I don’t feel like updating my headshots and standing around all day trying to get cast as Blonde Victim Number Two in slasher flicks. I don’t want to be in front of the camera at all.

Maybe what I want is to be behind the scenes, controlling the narrative. Picking the stories that get told. Shaping them. I don’t have the kind of money to produce films, but I’m pretty good at helping other people spend theirs when I want to be.

It’s an idea, anyway.

When Gabe comes home late in the evening, all the bad feelings of the day go up in smoke because his arms are around me and his lips are on mine. They come back the next day when I wake up and he’s gone. I stay because I want to see him. Because soon he’ll be leaving for a brief press junket ahead of his rom-com release and after that, he’ll dive straight into filming Warwick. He’ll be busier than he is now. I don’t want to miss a moment since I’ll be missing so many.

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