I'm starting to speak like she does!
While that made me chuckle for a moment, I went serious and worried again.
I started going over every word I had ever said to her before her all-nighters began. Did I insult her? Did I say something I shouldn't have? Did I express an opinion that she’s poorly reacting to?
Even so, she is so outspoken! She certainly would have told me how she felt by now.
I go over every minute that we spent in each other’s arms, naked, in bed. Had I done anything to hurt her? She hasn’t ever reacted at any time in any negative way toward anything I did to her in bed or that we did together.
Maybe something terrible has happened at her job. Could she have lost her job and not wanted to tell me? Could she have been demoted or reprimanded and too embarrassed to tell me about it? Maybe something happened that has seriously depressed her?
I can't imagine this woman ever experiencing depression. But ... I don't know her every nook and cranny yet.
I texted her again.
Little did I know what was in store.
Chapter 26
Beatrice
I’mhavingaflashback.Or a dream.
My boyfriend in college, James aka Jimmy, was a really interesting person. Since I have always been so outspoken and “belt” out all my thoughts, the fact that he was just as frank appealed to me. Finally, someone who wouldn't tell me to shut up! He couldn’t; he was as loud as I was.
I'd had sex with one other guy in my senior year of high school, but since then Jimmy was my first lover. And I fell into lust with the whole idea of having sex with someone who was as handsome as he was, first of all. With a guy who was truly full of personality, second of all. There was also the fact that he was studying computer science like I was. We had study sessions together and met each other before and after our shared classes. He was living off campus, and I was living in a dorm. So it only made sense that when we would spend the night together it was at his place. We also spent some weekend afternoons together at his apartment.
It had never occurred to me that he was dating or having sex with anyone else.
Naïve woman! Sweet, innocent young thing that you were.
Until one day, one of my computer science lady friends and I went for coffee.
Jeevers, I can't even remember the girl's name.
Anyway, I couldn't get over the shock when she asked me, “So you're one of the girls Jimmy is dating, huh? How is he in bed?” I remember being so stunned internally that I—for once—had no words. I looked at her, and she wasn't being catty. I noticed immediately that she had absolutely no ulterior motives except girl talk when she asked me that. She had the same expression on her face as always. I remember that quite well about the moment. She was simply curious in quite an innocent way. She didn't even seem like she was interested in being one of Jimmy’s girls.
But that all came with hindsight. A few seconds later, I blustered back at her, “Yeah, I'm seeing him.” She nodded as if this were just confirmation of gossip she’d already heard. And just as nonchalantly as I could (trying to imitate her innocence), I asked, “So who else is seeing him by the way? Have you heard?” And the girl named three other women.
For the life of me, I will never remember how the conversation with that classmate ended.
I did know that it was the end of Jimmy—and all lying malevarmints—for me.
Enough reminiscing and dreaming woman! I shook myself back to the present.
With Hendrik, it's just DéjàVu all over again.
Again, I’m stuck on guy who’s a liar.
And here I am again with another guy with “secrets.”
A guy I can't trust.
Aww, fiddlesticks! What's wrong with me?
Do I even care to find out if he’s a cheat? And how am I going to go about finding out if he's lied to me?
Dadgummit! What a mess!