Page 51 of Defying Her Arrogant Boss

‘It wasn’t you. It was the whole...whole situation.’

Sure, the situation was difficult, but the fact was she didn’t trust him. He was nothing like her ex-boyfriend, but that didn’t matter. She still didn’t believe in him. He hadn’t got anywhere with her. It hurt more than he cared to consider. Without trust, how could there be love?

He knew things had happened faster for him than they had for her. He’d fallen for her. He kicked himself for not recognising it sooner. Couldn’t believe it had been the thought of nearly losing her completely that had jerked the fact into his consciousness. Events had overtaken him.

But he didn’t know if she loved him. Yes, she wanted him; yes, they were compatible on many levels other than the obvious, but did she actually love him or was this merely a hot affair? He had to try regardless.

‘Lissa, I want to marry you. We can make this work. It’s the only way forward. I can take care of you and the babies. You have to let me.’ It was the nearest he could come right now to a declaration. He knew she wasn’t ready for him to swear undying love. She wouldn’t believe him. Another difficult situation, more bad timing. And frankly he wasn’t ready to put himself on the line like that. Not when he really hadn’t any idea where her heart lay.

‘Okay.’

His breath hissed out. His gums were sore from clenching his teeth together so tightly. He’d been so uncertain of her answer. Been so ready to present his case, working through the arguments the entire journey to get her.

But she’d agreed, just like that. Not that she looked that happy about it. He kept himself in check, not reaching for her and loving her as he wanted.

Well, if she didn’t love him yet, she would. He would do everything in his power to make it happen. He loved her. She was his and carrying his two children. But he didn’t want to scare her off with flowery vows. It was early, early days. No, the way forward was to get the ring on her finger first, and then show her. Once they were married he’d prove to her it was the only thing their hearts would let them do.

Until finding out about the twins she’d refused to contemplate a wedding. He remembered what she’d said at lunch with James and Marnie. She’d said she would only ever marry for love. And that was the problem. She didn’t love him. Only now she was backed into a comer. He felt desperately sorry for her. Wanted to scoop her up, protect her, tell her it would all be all right, tell her how much he loved her. But he forced it all to stay inside. He couldn’t tell her. Not yet.

She finished at Franklin. He worried about her, alone and isolated in his flat. She’d chatted briefly on the phone to Gina but had told her nothing. He wouldn’t have minded if she had—they were all going to find out soon enough and he figured she might need her friend right now. But instead she’d spent the time soothing Gina over some falling-out with her friend Karl.

In only a few days he watched, helpless, as she withdrew. She allowed him to make the decisions with seemingly little interest in what he was deciding, signed the visa application forms without even reading them. Her fatigue worried him, the difficulty she had in finding something to tempt her to eat. Sure, the pregnancy was knocking her around, but he knew it was more than that. He didn’t know how to combat her unhappiness.

But in the night when he slid into bed with her, she turned to him, time and time again. In the darkness, or the semi-light of dawn, she wrapped her legs around him as they came together, the difficulties forgotten in the moments of physical closeness and relief. In those moments he felt she was loving him and he wanted that more than anything.

He looked down at her and saw her eyes were closed. He hated that. Usually she gazed right at him. Made him feel that she was drinking him in with her eyes as well as her body. Letting him see into her warm, generous soul. But now he felt shut out.

He pulled almost right out of her. ‘Open your eyes.’

They flicked open, and slowly he re-entered her, gradually plunging as deeply as he could. Holding her gaze, he pulled out again. Intently he watched her as he continued the slow, exquisite torture of being almost all the way out and then all the way in. Emphasising the purpose of them joining, making her see it was him there with her, inside her, longing to be part of her. That they were righttogether,that they were meant to be.

Her eyes widened further, her reddened mouth parted and her hips rose to meet him, to hurry him. He wasn’t having it, not yet.

Bending his head, he kissed her with all the intensity and love he felt. He tasted her cry of ecstasy and held her as she trembled, only then willing to release himself.

When he lifted his head to look at her he saw her eyes were closed again. And he couldn’t help the feeling that, somehow, he’d lost her.

TWELVE

ExhaustedLissa saton top of her old pack and tried for what felt like the fiftieth time to pull the zip closed. She’d boxed the books and clothes she no longer wanted and left a sign on them to be taken to the charity store. All she had left was the travel backpack she’d left New Zealand with, a suit bag and her small daypack. She’d come to the flat the instant Rory had left for work and nearly killed herself with the effort of getting it shipshape. They were supposed to be moving her gear from the flat and she would be living with Rory permanently. Things had happened so fast and she couldn’t keep up the pretence any more.

This weekend she would be meeting Rory’s family for the first time. What a way to be introduced.Here’s the girl I got pregnant and now we’re having a shotgun wedding. She couldn’t bear it.

She had tried to argue they needn’t marry in a hurry, but he insisted. Rory the honourable, trapped into a wedding, a lifelong sentence. She had been so wrong to doubt him earlier. He was nothing like Grant. He had integrity, always one to ‘do the right thing’.

Oh, sure, he wanted her. The sexual attraction between them was dynamite, but it wasn’t enough. It couldn’t last, especially under the strain of having not one, but two new-born babies to look after.

At least he hadn’t pretended to her. He hadn’t used those three little words. He wouldn’t. Lying for Rory was impossible. He’d told her once he was an honest person and so he was. Painfully so, Lissa now acknowledged. She would have believed him if he’d said them, simply because she longed for it so much. But they were unsaid. Unsaid because they were unfelt.

I love you.

Rory. And she did. Wholly. And it wasn’t the hormones from her pregnancy driving her towards security; she’d known she was sunk since that first weekend they’d had together. For her it wasn’t just the fire of passion, it was the warmth of humour, the sunny pleasure of common interests, the glow she felt by spending time with him.

She loved him and hated the idea of him stuck in a one-sided marriage. Couldn’t cope with the thought of him unhappy, saddled with a wife he hadn’t wanted, unable to be free to find a woman he would love in the intense, all-consuming way she loved him.

One day at a time. Their affair had been on the countdown to its end and not once had he brought up any suggestion of a future. He hadn’t planned on there being one. It should have been over and she couldn’t bear knowing their marriage was because it had to be, not because he wanted it. That was why she had to do it. She had to leave.

With superhuman effort she lugged her bags downstairs and to the street where she stood waiting for a cab to go past.

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