Page 13 of The Edwards (The Second Vow)

“Hell, I was willing to let you go and explore if only I knew you would come back.” I sigh. “I was willing to let you go out and do what you wanted, and I would sit at home and wait and hope you would come back to me.” A sad smile graced her lips.

“I guess what it all came down to was that I didn’t feel like I was enough, and we were never able to reconnect as a couple after the kids got older. I should have focused on us. On you, I should have done more.” Before I could continue, I heard the doctor’s watch play the soft tone of the alarm. I looked at Anna and saw a tear running down her cheek. I reached up and cupped her cheek, and she leaned in as I wiped the tear away.

“That was good, Mr.Edwards. Mrs.Edwards, you will go next. Try to keep with the ‘I feel/felt’ statements, please.” Said Dr. Parker.

“Your word is ‘mirror’’ Go ahead.” I am thoroughly shocked now. But Dr. Parker just looked at Anna, encouraging her to go ahead. So I focused on my wife.

Anna

“Mirror?” I whisper, unable to make the connection for a moment. Then I remember when I said that I don’t like what I see when I look into one.

I look into Grey’s eyes, “Over the years, I have liked my body less and less. I know you say you do, or did. But if I don’t like what I see, why would you?” I pull my hand back, looking down at them, and I wring them together nervously. Taking a shuttering breath.

“You used to go out of your way to touch me; you couldn’t get enough of me. You would come up behind me, wrapping your arms around me, and kiss my neck, then you’d take me upstairs. Then that stopped, and it was only in bed. Slowly, that stopped too. Granted, it took years.” I pick at my nails and then look up.

“I thought you were having an affair, Grey. I thought you were waiting until the kids were gone to leave me. I used to be this confident woman, but I’m not her right now. I’m a mom of two kids who hasn’t felt attractive or wanted for almost five years. Though I believe you want to fix this, I don’t know if I believe there hasn’t been someone else. ” The tears start to slip free.

“I stopped initiating because you were always there to start it. Then you weren’t. And that’s not your fault. That’s on me, well, us. All of this could have been solved if we just talked to each other. But I was so worried that things were too late that I didn’t,couldn’t. The biggest issue isn’t even the lack of sex. I guess what it comes down to is the lack of connection and communication. I feel like I lost myself somewhere along the way. And our relationship too.” Greyson reaches over, grabs my hand once more, and intertwines our fingers once more.

I breathe for a moment. “When I was meeting with the lawyer yesterday, he asked me if I had thought about what I would want to fight for. And I started thinking about all the things we’ve gotten together over the years. And I couldn’t imagine dividing our belongings. Like who got that hideous painting in the entry hall? The one we got that one night, we were a little tipsy at one of the gallery openings, supporting Sara.” Fresh tears erupted.

“I couldn’t bear the thought; I knew I’d made a mistake. He started talking about separating, I finished the meeting to be polite. And to be honest, I contemplated it; if things had gone differently last night, I would have wanted that. So that was part of my bad mood last night. I guess over the years, the lack of communication has taken its toll.” With my free hand, I reach for another tissue.

“I know I want this to work, and deep down I knew when all the issues started. But I guess I didn’t want to admit we had an issue and didn’t know how to tell you, what if you didn’t feel it too? And by telling you, it caused one? Looking back, I realize now that I should have just talked to you. God, Grey, so many years of bitterness and hurt could have been avoided by just talking. But then again, talking has never been a strong suit for us, has it?” I’m looking at his face, and a ghost of a smile graces his lips.

I look into his eyes; they hold so much promise. I just get lost; we both do. Silently promising not to give up and that we would do anything to save us. Recognizing that we have taken the firststep just by coming here. I don’t mean to stop talking. But right now, I don’t feel like words are needed.

Our gazes are only broken by the soft tone of Dr. Parker’s watch, letting us know that it’s now been five minutes. I adjust my body, no longer angled towards Grey but towards her. “That was very good, Mrs.Edwards. Now, if you will just head to the waiting room, I will review my notes, and then we will discuss what I think will be the best course of action.” When we step out of her office, I head to the bathroom and take a moment to compose myself. And Greyson heads to the waiting room.

I am only in the bathroom for a few minutes. When I come out, I sit next to Grey, and he takes my hand. We wait silently, patiently, and anxiously for her to call us back in. I can’t stop thinking about the things Greyson had said; it had really bothered him that I wouldn’t take time off. I only did that because we had started drifting apart, and it seemed like the only conversations we would have were either about the kids or small talk. And we talked plenty about the kids at home.

What I had wanted was adult conversation, deep conversations, pillow talk conversations, with my husband. I guess I didn’t realize how long things had been going wrong. Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t hear Dr. Parker open the door and call us back in until Grey squeezed my hand.

Once again, sitting across from Dr.Parker, she smiles and starts speaking. “After reviewing my notes, I strongly believe you two will be fine, with some work on both sides. I’m sure your friends told you that I am a little unorthodox.” She smiles more and looks between us.

“There are a few points that stuck out with you two,” she glances at her notes and then back at us. “There is a lack of communication, confidence, and intimacy on both sides. I believe that stems from having children early on and from not only being with each other but also being high schoolsweethearts.” I am confused by that and slightly irritated; it must show on both of our faces.

“Let me explain that a little better. I will start with being high school sweethearts, you met and fell in love with at a young age. A lot of people don’t meet their spouse until later in life. When they are adults and have had time to learn more communication skills through several everyday life situations such as; different relationships, jobs, friendships, and more. And as for the kids, I say that because, well, you can’t communicate things like how you feel or your desires when you have a little one running around, that is your main priority, let alone having two kids.” She glances at her notes.

That all made sense. “So what are you suggesting?” Grey asked anxiously.

“I feel like the issues I stated could be easily fixed by relearning each other.” I don’t understand “intimately,” she adds.

“How is having more sex going to fix our problems?” I ask in disbelief.

“Well, for starters, you have grown a lot from that sixteen-year-old you used to be. You are more in tune with your body and your likes and dislikes. And as you grow, you can start to change in those exact ways. So, what I am suggesting is taking a sex test online, one that will break down what type of desires you may have, and the kinks. Then explore them together. And as far as pillow talk goes, discuss what you liked and didn’t like.” I am shocked.

I just don’t see how this will help us in any other aspect but the physical one. Grey must feel the same way based on what he says: “Pardon me, but how will taking this test and having more sex improve our communication?” She smiles politely, despite his tone.

“The pillow talk.” She says it like that’s the answer to everything: “Opening up after trying new things and discussing what you liked and didn’t like will in turn improve your communication on every other level. After all, what is more difficult to talk about than the most intimate act of making love, and more intimate than that, laying yourself bare in talking about what you liked and didn’t like that your partner did.” I must be crazy because that actually made sense.

“You were warned my methods were unorthodox, I’m sure, but I get results. We have about five minutes left if you’d like. Do you have any questions?” We both shake our heads no. I’m trying to wrap my head around how more sex will help.

“Okay then, you can finish out this session by taking the quiz so you have the results to talk about on your way home and possibly begin tonight,” she said, closing her notebook.

“I am going to step out and check with my secretary to see what we have available in two months for a follow-up.” Without another word, she stands and makes her way to the door, leaving us alone to take the quiz.

“What do you think, Anna?” Grey’s voice fills the awkward silence instantly.

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