Page 45 of Hard to Forgive

“Please, Silas, please,” he started to moan as his hole twitched around my tongue.

I thought that maybe I could get him to finish like this, given the way he was reacting, but did I want to?

I wanted to taste him, I decided. I wanted him to finish down my throat, not on my hand. I wet my fingers in my mouth and pushed one in his spit slicked channel as I took his dick in my mouth. I began to fuck him on my fingers as I swallowed him down to the root. He became an incoherent mess, babbling and moaning and calling out my name and begging for more.Begging. I added another finger and began to fuck him harder with my fingers, suck him harder.

His hands tightened in my hair when I found his prostate. Precum streamed into the back of my throat from his cock and I could tell he was close. I doubled down, pressing into him and hollowing my cheeks to suck him harder.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed as he exploded. His channel tightened around my fingers, but I kept pushing them in, fucking him through the orgasm, sucking down every drop.

When he was spent, I pulled out, wiping my fingers on my jeans before I unbuttoned my pants and quickly began to stroke myself. It didn’t take long before I was exploding over him, painting his cock and hole with my release. He made a pretty picture that way, fucked out and blissful and covered in jizz. It was probably the most peaceful and relaxed I’d ever seen him.

The warm, fuzzy feelings I’d been trying to avoid sparked again in my chest.

I was so fucked,I thought as I collapsed beside him on the bed.

15

The fact that Ididn’t have to see Silas all weekend after we’d turned in our designs should have been a relief, but I found myself missing him. Once or twice, I thought about calling him just to chat before deciding that was insanity. I was thinking with my dick after the way he’d blown my mind Thursday. That was all it was. I was horny and thinking about the way he’d made me explode.

Instead of calling him, I spent the weekend with my friends. I went to Holden and Eli’s Saturday for a movie night. I may have also given them an update on what was going between me and Silas. Eli seemed overly interested in the nitty gritty details. I swear, that man was so oversexed. Holden didn’t really offer a lot of opinions on the matter. Mostly, he just nodded while I talked. There was something in his eyes, some knowing look, that I didn’t like.

I wanted to call him out on it, make him say whatever he was holding back, but decided against it. I don’t think I’d want to hear it.

On Sunday, we all went to Matthew’s. Lucas had moved out the week before, and he’d been down. Not that any of us could blame him for that. He’d spent so long in that apartment with Lucas. It felt wrong being there without all of Lucas’s stuff there, empty spaces where there’d once been books or pictures of the two of them. Most of them had already been taken down.

For the first part of the day, we’d all just sat around hanging out. It didn’t matter that we’d all seen each other on Thursday; conversation never ran dry. We all had new misadventures to share, though I chose not to share mine with Silas. Eli made a few hints, but all it took was a glare from me and a pinch from Holden for him to stop. I could see the curiosity bubbling behind Seb’s eyes, and I knew I’d have to tell him about it eventually. I just didn’t need it to beeventuallyquite yet. I needed to figure it out before I got into it with him.

He knew what had happened between us in high school. While I knew he’d understand, I also knew he’d warn me to be careful. Like I’d be anything else. I’d been able to keep Silas at arm’s length so far, even when he had me naked and begging. That wasn’t going to change any time soon.

It just wasn’t time to talk to him about it right now. Not when Matt needed us. He needed to be our priority.

After lunch, Matt mentioned how wrong the apartment felt without Lucas in it, with all of the holes where his stuff used to be. It was a solvable problem, one that we dedicated the rest of our night to solving. We reorganized his entire apartment: moving furniture in the living room and bedroom, putting some of his old comics that he kept boxed in his closet on display, and filling in some of the empty spaces where framed pictures had been with pieces of his massive rubber duck collection.

By the time we left, we were all sore and in need of showers, but Matt looked happier than he had all week.

Seb had offered to crash at his place, but he’d turned it down. Instead, Seb followed me back to my place.

“You gonna tell me what Eli was hinting at?” he asked as he plopped onto the couch beside me.

I shrugged. “There’s not much to tell.”

“I’m going to call bullshit on that one.” I groaned. “Spill, Jojo.”

“Silas and I may have hooked up again.”

“You know the saying first time’s an accident, third time’s a pattern?”

“What’s the second time?”

“Not relevant right now.” Damn. He was not going to let me off the hook on this one. “Are you getting into a habit with him?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I like the way he makes me feel.”

“Sexually?”

Because that was the logical question, wasn’t it?

I just wished that I could say that was all it was. Silas Morgan annoyed me like no one else, but he also made me feel something that I don’t think I had in a very long time. It was something that none of my exes had ever managed. He didn’t let me retreat into myself. I didn’t think he even noticed the fact that he calmed me down, but when he’d start bickering with me at my desk, that ball of anxiety that was my constant companion grew lighter.

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