Page 57 of Hard to Forgive

“No buts. If he makes you happy, it’s worth it.”

“Even if it doesn’t work out?”

“Even then.” Matt reached out and took my hand. He had a soft smile on his lips. “The last two months have really sucked for me, but I wouldn’t trade in a single day I had with Lucas to get rid of that pain. I loved him, and I may have lost on that one, but that doesn’t mean that the love wasn’t there. It doesn’t mean that the love wasn’t real, or that it wasn’t true love because it wasn’tlastinglove. Maybe Silas won’t be your happily ever after. Maybe it’ll never go past this initial infatuation, but it’ll be worth it. Or maybe he’ll be your happily ever after, and you’ll look back on this moment and be like ‘damn, I’m glad I listened to Matt.’”

I laughed softly. His words made sense, and I think he was the only one that could’ve said them in a way that made sense to me. Because he was the one going through that heartbreak. He was the one who had gone through the most heartbreaks in the time I’d known him, but every time, he felt his feelings and then went and fell in love again. He had the strongest heart of anyone I knew, and I was jealous of it.

Maybe his words were the secret to having one of those strong hearts myself.

Maybe it was just a series of choices, of swallowing down the fear and accepting that all love, no matter how long it lasted, was true love.

Matt stayed quiet while I digested his words, his hand on mine like it could anchor me in place and keep me from sailing away, untethered, down the river of thoughts. I appreciated it more than I’d ever be able to say, and I think he knew that, too.

“Do you think anyone at the office has picked up on it yet?” Silas asked me the next night, as we curled up together in my bed.

I nuzzled into his chest, breathing in the scent of my body wash on his skin. I liked it. I liked having him here, just as much as I liked going to his place. “I think Yvette’s picked up on it,” I teased, remembering the way Yvette had caught us in the stairwell after lunch that afternoon. We hadn’t thought anyone actually took the stairs. Luckily, we’d just been kissing. That could’ve ended in a very serious conversation from Human Resources, one that I didn’t think Silas’s uncle would be able to get us out of.

Silas laughed and leaned down to kiss the top of my head. “Yeah, I think she picked up on it,” he agreed. “And Isabel knows, meaning Declan and Logan have probably noticed. She keeps looking at us, like she’s expecting us to start making out on your desk.”

“Wouldn’t that be the show?” I asked with a grin.

“Until my uncle fired both of us,” Silas reminded me. “I may have family ties, but Uncle Jacob wouldn’t let a little thing like blood risk the integrity of his company.” He shifted, rolling over to his side to face me. I immediately turned the same way. “I told him, by the way. Wanted to make sure it wasn’t breaking any company rules or that we didn’t have to tell HR.”

“I’m guessing we don’t have to declare a relationship or do any of that bureaucratic stuff?” He’d have told me if we had to do that, right? I hoped he would. But wouldn’t that be just the way to formally define our relationship: all the romance of a checkbox and Human Resources.

“No, because it’s not a preexisting relationship, we’re on the same level professionally, and there’s no conflict of interest.” he sounded like he’d memorized the answer. I wondered if he’d asked it more than once, the way I would have if the roles hadbeen reversed. I doubted it. Silas had all of the confidence and boldness I lacked.

I hoped it rubbed off on me.

“So by that count, just Larry and AJ are still in the dark?”

“I don’t know,” Silas answered honestly. “I mean, they might be in the dark, or they might have had a betting pool on when we’d hook up. I mean the sexual tension between us? Thick.” I rolled my eyes at him. He was ridiculous. Our sexual tension hadn’t been that noticeable. Had it? Oh god, had everyone figured out what was going on between us before we’d even figured it out? Silas rubbed my arm. “Calm down, Jonas. I was joking. There were no betting pools.”

“How do you know?” I asked, trying to fight the swell of anxiety. “There might have been. We might have been the only people who didn’t see what was coming.”

“First,youmight have been the only one to see what was coming. After the second time we hooked up, I figured more hook ups were in our cards.” I glowered at him. “I didn’t see the feelings part, don’t worry. We were both blind there.” He sounded so pacifying. I kind of wanted to suffocate him with my pillow, but I had nosy neighbors and thin walls. It would be so hard to hide his body. “Second, if there was a betting pool, Isabel would’ve told me.”

“Unless she was in on it,” I pointed out.

“If she was in on it, shedefinitelywould have told me,” Silas countered. “Because she would’ve wanted to win, and she’d know that I’d find a way to make this a thing in time for her to win. Added motivation.”

I couldn’t help snorting at his logic. It was so ridiculous, and it didn’t seem like the Isabel I’d gotten to know at work. Of course, I hadn’t known she was scary as hell until I went to apologize to her either, so I probably wasn’t the best judge of her character. I supposed I’d have to take his word for it.

“If everyone knows,” I started slowly. This was a big step, but I wanted to take it. We’d been figuring things out for two weeks, and I already wanted to share it with the world. I liked him. I liked the way he looked at me and the way he calmed me down while making it look effortless. I liked the way he’d opened up about his family to make me feel better about the shit show that was my relationship with my father. “If everyone knows, then I think we should just be open at the office.”

“How open are we talking there, Koetter?” he asked, his pale gray eyes wide.

“No making out on desks, promise.” I thought for a moment. I wasn’t sure how open we could get in a professional environment. I know I didn’t want the attention that a full blown announcement would get, but I also didn’t want to feel like we were hiding. I didn’t want to act like we weren’t together. “Maybe just not looking over our shoulders before we hold hands under the desk or steal a kiss,” I suggested. “Actually now that I think about it, that was probably more suspicious than anything.”

He laughed. “We’re great at keeping secrets, huh?”

I couldn’t help but laughing with him.

20

When we went towork Monday, we didn’t hide our relationship, but nothing changed. We stood next to each other in the huddle, and we stole a few kisses outside of the office. During office hours, our fingers would brush on the desk, but most of our attention was on the project. Even the bickering didn’t really stop.

Jonas still had a mouth on him. I was glad that entering into a relationship with him hadn’t changed that. I liked the way he kept me on my toes just as much as I liked the newfound gentleness he showed me.

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