Page 25 of One More Baby for the Boss

The boy nodded.

Alex let go of his hand and went over to one of the sheep. She dropped to her knees beside it and patted its flank gently. “It’s so soft, Jack. And see, he doesn’t mind being pet at all. Come on over and see for yourself.”

Jack made his way over slowly and stood beside her. Alex laughed gently. “You ride horses, your dad tells me,” she said. “You’re brave enough to ride horses, but you’re worried about this sheep?”

“I’ve always been around horses,” he pointed out. “I know all about them. This is different.”

“That’s fair. Well, he hardly even knows we’re here. Just go ahead and touch him. I promise it’s safe.”

Jack reached out slowly and patted the sheep. “Oh, itissoft!”

“See? I told you. He’s a very nice sheep, isn’t he?”

“I guess I like him,” Jack agreed.

“Do you want to try feeding him?” Elijah asked.

“We can do that?” Jack looked surprised all over again.

“There’s a machine right over there,” Elijah said. “You put in a quarter and it gives you some pellets.” He pulled a quarter out of his pocket. “Why don’t you go get some, and we’ll see if the sheep is hungry?”

“Okay!” Jack took the quarter and ran off to the machine.

“I think he’s warming up to the idea,” Elijah said, watching him go.

“Yeah, I think he is,” Alex agreed. “I’m surprised you had a quarter on you. I hardly ever have cash these days.”

“I stopped at the ATM because I knew we were coming here.”

“And got quarters?”

Elijah laughed. “I broke a twenty buying a pack of gum,” he explained. He pulled it out of his pocket. “Want a stick?”

It was spearmint. “That’s my favorite flavor,” Alex said, taking the stick of gum and popping it in her mouth. “Thanks.”

“Sure.” He took one himself and put the pack away. “Do you think it was a good idea? Bringing him here, I mean?”

“A very good idea,” she said. “You said you used to come here when he was a baby?”

“This wasn’t the place we brought him to. There was a different petting zoo on the other side of town. I looked it up, and it’s not operational anymore. But yes, we did petting zoos a lot when he was little. He used to love them back then. I shouldn’t besurprised he doesn’t remember something from such a long time ago. I guess sometimes it feels like it hasn’t been that long.”

“It hasn’t,” Alex said. “Four years feels like a long time when you’re six years old, but it’s not really.”

“You’re right,” Elijah agreed. He sighed. “You know, sometimes it feels like it’s only been a few hours since I lost his mother. Other times, it’s like that was something that happened to someone else, in another life. Sometimes it feels so far away.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” Alex said. “I was in a different stage of my life when my family died, and it’s hard to imagine being the person I am today with them still around me. They’re a part of my childhood more than they’re a part of my adult life. It’s kind of heartbreaking, really.”

“It’s hard to move forward,” Elijah said. “It’s hard to embrace a picture of the future that doesn’t have her in it. It feels like disloyalty.”

“It took me a long time to convince myself that it was okay to do that,” Alex agreed. “It was years before I was able to tell myself — and believe it — that it was okay to feel good about the life I was making without my family in it. I’m happy with the way it turned out, but it was hard to get to this point. I think it’s probably a common experience when you lose someone — feeling like if you let go of the past with them, you’ll be giving them away for good.”

“I know she’s gone,” he said. “But you’re right, that doesn’t change that feeling. It’s strange, because it’s not as if I’m still actively mourning.”

“It’s survivor’s guilt. That’s the kind of thing that can follow you around.”

“But you don’t feel it anymore?”

“Most days I don’t,” Alex said. “I had to tell myself something over and over — something I know is true, but is sometimes hard to remember. My family wouldn’t have wanted me to sit around thinking about them for a decade, feeling sad over what I’d lost and never moving on with my life. They would want to know that I’m happy now. They would like knowing that I travel, that I work all kinds of interesting jobs and meet all kinds of interesting people. I’m guessing your wife would feel the same way, right? I don’t know her, of course. But I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to be stuck in the past because you’re afraid of a future that doesn’t include her.”

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