Page 37 of His First Baby Rodeo

“Is everything okay?”

“You can’t retire,” she said. “You have to go on competing.”

He stared at her. “What? Where’s this coming from? I thought you thought I should listen to my doctor.”

“I mean, I do think thatgenerally. I think you should be careful, and I think you should take your time with your recovery. But…” She stepped to the side and pulled him to stand in front of the picture she had been looking at. “Look at you here.”

“That was three years ago.”

“Okay, butlook. Look at the expression on your face. You lookhappy. More than happy. Joyful! I’ve never seen you look so lost in something while you had your clothes on.”

Mac burst out laughing.

El laughed too, a bit ruefully. “All right,” she said. “I know that might have sounded funny. But I mean it, Mac. I see you in this picture, and it’s like I finally understand why you haven’t wanted to give this up all this time. Of course you don’t want to. You’re in love with it.”

“Is that how you’d put it?”

“I can’t think of any better way to say it,” she said softly.

He sighed and sat down on a bench seat beside the room’s only window. “I won’t pretend it wouldn’t break my heart to give it up,” he admitted.

“Well, that’s why I don’t think you should,” she said. “I know it’s harder on you physically now that you’re not young anymore. I know it’s probably a little riskier. But it’s alsoyou. It’s such a fundamental part of you that I don’t think you could stop without losing a piece of yourself. And I think that would be tragic. You have to keep going.”

“You know what?” he said, looking at her. “No one has ever said that to me before.”

“No one?”

“I’ve had people tell me they support me continuing if that’s what I want to do,” he said. “I’ve had people tell me they get why I wouldn’t want to quit — even though sometimes I doubt whether they actuallydoget it. But I’ve never had anyone say they think Ishouldkeep going. I don’t think anybody really feels that way.”

“Well, I do,” El said. “And I admit it, I did have my doubts. But seeing how happy you look in this picture, I just don’t know how I could not want that for you — even if it is risky.”

“I didn’t realize you cared if I was happy or not,” Mac commented.

“Of course I care about that,” she said. “How could I not care whether you’re happy, Mac?”

“I don’t know. I’m just your boss, right? Most people don’t lose a lot of sleep over how much enjoyment their boss is getting out of life.”

“You aren’tjust my boss.” She sat down beside him. “Mac.”

“Okay, your boss and your brother’s friend.”

“Mac.”

He looked up at her.

“You’re my friend too,” she murmured. “You know that. I don’t have to pretend I don’t care about you, do I?”

He regarded her, saying nothing.

“We’ve spent too much time pretending that,” she said. “You know I care. Of course I care. I’m just asking to be allowed to say it.” Then she shook her head. “That’s not right either. I’m not asking. I’m saying it. I care about you. I want you to be happy. I didn’t understand until tonight that rodeo is the thing that makes you happy, more than anything else. But now that I see it, it’s impossible to imagine wanting you to give it up. So please don’t listen to anybody who tells you that you should, because they’re failing to understand who you are and what you need.” She pointed to the picture. “This is who you are. You can’t give up who you are.”

“You do understand,” he murmured. “I honestly thought nobody got this about me. I thought no one ever would. I was beginning to think I was the only person in the world who could understand this feeling.”

“I’ve seen the way you are around your horses,” El told him. “I’ve seen the way you are when you’re riding. I don’t know what to compare that kind of happiness to, but I know you wouldn’t be Mac Palmer if that was taken away from you. I can’t wish for you to give it up.”

Impulsively, it seemed, he reached out and pulled her into an embrace.

She went to him willingly, with an exhale of profound relief. There was a part of her that had very much believed he would never reach for her again, never put his hands on her again. That their time together was over before the end officially came.

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