Page 73 of Timber

That gets them both in action. When Jax told me about Mae after claiming me as his sister months ago, we set up a code word for if he ever got back into that dark head space again. While it’s only been a few months since setting it up, he’s never used it.

Until now.

Not even bothering with shoes, I open our door and race down the hallway, dodging around anyone in my path and ignoring their questions about what’s going on.

Getting to his door, I curse when I find it’s locked.

Fuck! I don’t have my keys on me.

“Move, Wildcat.”

Hearing keys jingle, I step to the side, but as soon as he has the door unlocked, I throw it open and shut it. My guys will stay close till they know we’re both good.

Seeing Jax cradling his head in his hands, his elbows on his knees as he sits on his bed, breaks my heart. From where I’m standing, I can see that his body is shaking.

Quietly crossing the room, I kneel in front of him, resting a hand on his knee.

“Jax, I’m here. You’re going to be okay.”

He shakes his head and it’s only then that I realize he has tears streaking down his cheeks.

“No. I fucked up too much this time. There’s no way she’ll ever forgive me for what I’ve done. What I’ve said. There’s no way. No way.”

I can’t keep my own tears from falling at seeing him beating himself up so much. Yes, he fucked up big time, but he’s still my brother.

Pushing him back, I stand and sit on his lap like I had done months ago when he was first telling me about Mae and I rest my head on his shoulder. I wrap my arms around him and he responds immediately, wrapping his own arms around me tight, but not enough to hurt me or the babies.

“All this time, I’d hoped that it was all a lie. That she really didn’t die. Then I fuck it all up by not believing her when she shows up here. Instead, I made things so much worse by all the shit I spewed at her. I don’t know what to do. She’ll never forgive me for what I did to her. Timber either. I should have shown them the first letter, but I don’t know why I didn’t.”

I squeeze him tighter, biting my tongue from agreeing on how much he fucked things up with Mae and instead focus on the new news.

“First things first. You need to tell us what was in this first letter and when you got it. Then, you’re going to have to apologize to Mae and not over text. You’re going to have to show her that she can rely on you. That you’ll be there for her. It’ll take time, but I know you’ll both get past this.”

Neither one of us says anything for a long time as we hold each other. Even though I want to pry about his first letter, I don’t.

Not yet, anyway.

Jax’s body tenses, and I bite my lip, worried about what he’s going to say or do.

“What do you mean ‘not over text’? She’s still here, isn’t she?”

I squeeze him tighter, even more worried about how he’s going to take what I say next. “Her and Timber went to Junction Creek with Andre and the rest of his guys for a while. Sasha and a few of our guys went with them.”

He quickly stands and a startled noise escapes me as I stumble off his lap, trying to get my feet under me. Jax paces the room, his hands in his hair.

“I messed up so much I drove her away.” The pain and anguish in his voice squeezes my heart like a vice.

Before I can say anything, the door opens and Thor pulls me against him. They must have heard me cry out when I stumbled. Dragon goes over to Jax, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“I fucked up so bad that I hurt her and pushed her away. So much so that she felt she had to leave to get away from me. Fuck, now what am I going to do?” Jax says to no one in particular.

“What you’re going to do is get your head on straight. You come down to the gym and spar, workout, whatever. I’ll even spar with you if you want. Then once you’re calm, you’re going to try to call her. She may not take your call, but you gotta at least try. Just not tonight. Both of you have been thrown a major mind clusterfuck. Maybe call her tomorrow or the next day. I know they’re coming back for the wedding, Timber said as much.

“If she takes your call, maybe you two could then text a bit the rest of the week. Get to know each other that way before you meet face to face again or even on the phone. You gotta show that you’ll be there for her. It’ll take time, but you’ll get through this. You’re not the only one that needs to apologize—I’ve gotta, too. We’ll get through this, together,” Dragon tells him.

For a while, they both just stare at each other, and I hold my breath.

Finally, Jax nods and I exhale.

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