Page 12 of Second Chance At Forever

“Doesn’t he deserve a father? He wants one; you know that, you’ve seen how he looks at the other dads when they come pick up their kids…”

“He doesn’t know about Tommy or…and he’d never buy that Tommy’s his without a DNA test. What if it comes out that Tommy’s not his? What then? He leaves both of us this time. I can’t do that to Tommy—or to me.”

“What if you tell him what happened and he doesn’t care either way? What if he can wrap both of you up in his arms and love you? What if he meant it when he said he made a mistake letting you go and wanted a second chance? What ifs can drive you crazy Leen…sometimes you just have to take a chance. I did with you and even though you stopped me after that one kiss, I would never change it. I wouldn’t go back to wondering well what if I just kissed her because I’d rather know than not.”

“How can you stand here and suggest I give him another chance when Wednesday you were hinting that we were lovers to him?”

“Because I know you still love him; I know you still cry out for him in your sleep Leen. I hear you tossing and turning in your dreams and nightmares and I come in to comfort you, but it’s never my name you whisper into the night—it’s his. His mother seems to think he’s sincere—that’s what you told me Thursday night.

“How do I forgive him for cheating on me with someone else, for destroying everything that was so perfect which then…” Colleen stopped as the pain of it hit her hard.

“Led you to being in a place where you were attacked and raped. How can you love Tommy with the possibility that he’s not Avery’s son? I know I’ve been selfish, not making you own up to what happened and face the answers because I love having you with me, but that’s not fair to you. So, right now, I’m stepping away from being the Meredith who loves you and never wants you to leave and stepping into the Meredith who is simply your best friend. Best friend Meredith wants nothing more than for you to be happy and if that’s with him…then the other Meredith simply will have to live with it. So with all of that—if Avery is sincere, if he realized that you are the only love of his life and he wants you back, can accept Tommy whether he’s his or not…can you forgive him for being an idiot? You know whether together or not he would never have wanted you to be hurt the way you were.”

“I know he would never rejoice the fact that I was raped, he’s not sadistic, but if he hadn’t pushed me away I never would have been where I was…”

“And it’s possible that Tommy never would have been here then,” Meredith said stopping her. “Could you give up your son to never have what happened happen?”

“No.” Colleen sighed shutting her eyes as Meredith pulled her in for a hug.

“Then don’t blame Avery for it—Ican do that for you as the jealous girlfriend who doesn’t want her lover’s ex-husband to steal her away,” Meredith said making her laugh and a smile tug at her lips. “I’m not saying instantly accept him back into your life, make him earn the spot in your life as well as Tommy’s but don’t deny yourself a chance to be happy. Is this really all you want in your life? A gay best friend who’s in love with you but who you’ll never love—never want?”

“I hate it when you’re just best friend Meredith. She’s the one who kicks butt instead of letting me sit on it.” Colleen leaned her head against Meredith’s shoulder.

“Well you know if he hurts you I’ll hurt him, and you’ll always have a spot in our house. Now, isn’t it time you have a really heated argument with him? You know he’d never physically hurt you.”

“I know…but what if…”

“What? Oh…you’re worried that the argument will lead you directly to the bedroom with him.”

“What if I flip out during it if it would lead there?”

“Then you tell him the truth of what happened Leen. If he really loves you, he’ll understand. I’ll make sure Tommy’s in bed safe and sound. You figure out your next move so I can know mine okay?”

“Okay…” she agreed going back inside to finish with the desserts and help them load the extra cake, the top layer specially packaged to last in the freezer until their first anniversary. The reminder of her first anniversary with Avery played through her mind and she felt an ache deep inside at what she’d missed the last four years.

“You didn’t run away,” Avery said startling her. “Colleen…”

“Not here.” She stopped him when he reached out to pull her into his arms.

“Can you come home with me—to talk,” Avery added seeing her look over to Meredith. “Please, baby…”

“I don’t have a ride other than the van and I don’t want to catch a car or take the subway at this time of night. You’d have to take me home,” she warned him and he hoped that it was a good sign for them.

“I can do that baby. I can take you anywhere you want to go,” he promised before heading out to get the car. He saw her next to the van’s driver’s side door and his hands tightened on the steering wheel seeing Meredith lean out the window to kiss her.

The instant Colleen was inside the car her scent surrounded him, arousing him to the point he didn’t know if he could manage to talk at all with her until he’d sated his need. The drive was quiet and he saw his penthouse through her eyes, stark, empty, and cold—the way he’d been without her.

“It’s nothing like Philly.” Colleen let her hand run over the back of the leather couch. It was soft and supple but cold and she didn’t like it. Nothing inside the entire place felt like him and she knew he’d had a decorator choose everything. He didn’t like matching pieces and everything matched perfectly.

“No it’s not; everything from the house is in storage. I sold the house when I moved here and our things didn’t fit in here.” Avery waited until she turned around to face him to move over to her.

“Your things…not mine,” she stated holding up her hand to stop his movement. “You kicked me out, said I wasn’t enough for you, I wasn’t what you wanted anymore. So what happened to Miss Perfect?”

“Colleen, sit down with me, please,” he said taking her hand to walk her to the couch. “I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I am baby.”

“Really? Why’s that? Did Miss Perfect not work out the way you thought she would?”

“There was no one else baby, don’t just let me say this,” Avery stated stopping her when she started to argue. “You know the new life insurance company wanted a full physical before letting me increase the policy—the one I wanted to get in case anything happened to me for you and our family?”

---