Page 149 of Jump Back On

"No," he said, "you'll stay in one piece."

"No, listen to me," I insisted. "If I come off this bull - and we both know it's been a while since I've used my right hand - then I'm done here. The president of the PBR wants me out. If I leave for an injury? They'll find a way to make sure I can't get back, and with the way my scores have been going..."

Dad grunted. "Good point. You think they're fucking you over intentionally?"

"Don't you?" I asked.

"Wasn't what I asked," he said. "I'm asking where your head's at, kiddo. Are you feeling like the odds are stacked against you?"

I huffed out a heavy sigh. "Dad, they're always against me. We both know that."

"Yep," he agreed.

"But this feels different," I continued. "This feels like..."

He turned to look at me. "Like what?"

"What if I can't do this, Dad? What if I come off? What if I hurt my arm worse? I can't use that elbow at all, and I don't even know if I'm going to be able to get out of my wrap."

"We'll make sure you can," he promised. "Kinda why I'm back here."

"No!" I snapped. "Daddy, listen to me!"

Invoking the 'Daddy' made him focus on me completely. My father's entire demeanor changed and now, finally, he was listening, not just trying to reassure me. This was my one chance, and I didn't need anyone feeding me bullshit about how good I was. I needed someone to just fucking listen!

"I've worked so hard to get here. I got hurt, and now they're making it real clear I'm not wanted. So what if I can't stay on? This is Disco Breakout! He's the bull that dragged me through the dirt when my spur got stuck in the rope. And once I was off, he hooked me and slung me into the wall back in Tulsa. Not an easy ride, and - "

"No." Dad caught the back of my neck and dragged me up against his chest in a hug. "Hush with that, Cody. That's all those insecurities rising up. I get it. You just realized you're not one of the boys, right? You just figured out that doing your thing might not be ok with some, right?"

"No, I mean, I knew that."

"But it's real now," he said, looking down at me. "And for the first time, I think my little girl is feeling the pressure. Well, you know what? All the rest of these boys feel that each and every time they ride. They have to do this or they're losers. They have to do this or they have no future. They have to do this or something else bad that only they know, you know? Each and every man who climbs on a bull has a reason." Then he bent to look in my face. "So do you, Cody Lane. But your momma and me? We named you after the greats. That means you're twice as good, right?"

"Trying to be," I muttered.

He nodded once. "You are. I've seen you ride, and I believe in you enough to be standing here saying you got this, not trying to convince you to come back home. You know why?"

"Why?" I asked obediently.

He smiled and palmed my cheek. "Because my baby girl is a bull rider. Now, I'd be real happy if you'd let me pack you up and take you home, but we both know that ain't gonna happen. I'd be thrilled if you decided to use your money and go to college, but that's not you. And I get that, because it wasn't me either." He smiled gently. "So fuck it, Cody. You do the best you can. If that's showing up all the boys, then you show them up. If it's falling?"

"But..." I tried.

"Then you fall," he said, refusing to let me cut him off. "You hit the dirt. You take the loss. You aren't a damned bit better than these cowboys. You also aren't a damned bit worse. You can only ride as good as the bull will give you, and it's not a case of if you'll get hurt, but when."

"Already hurt," I reminded him.

"That one ain't gonna end your career," he countered. "The next one might, but know this. I will still be sitting at home, with a room for ya, and an ear to listen to ya. I think those boys of yours will still be here, finding a way to help you out. Cody, you ain't doing this on your own no more, ok? You also don't have to convince us you can. You already did that."

"But the PBR..."

"Can suck a dick," Dad said, one side of his mouth curling in a little smirk. "Fuck 'em, Cody. You ride that bull. We both know you can do it. Hell, you've done it before. So you just worry about riding, and if it ain't for eight seconds, well, you still got on him because you ain't scared, right?"

"Right," I agreed.

His other hand lifted to cup my other cheek, holding my face to his. "You ain't scared. That's because you are a real bull rider. Everyone comes off. Everyone has a bad ride. All you can do is give it all the try you got, and so far, that's been more than enough."

"Ok," I agreed, leaning into him and hugging him with my one good arm. "I'm just scared this is it. If I fuck this up, my big dream is over."

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