Page 6 of Jump Back On

"So?" she asked. Then there was a long pause. "Wait. Still? I thought you said... When did you break up?"

"Sunday."

"And you haven't..."

"No."

Hannah hummed in thought. "Ok. Well, that's a nice change. So why did she dump you?"

"Because I got in her way."

Right on cue, my best friend's girl groaned as if she completely understood all the shit I didn't. "So you decided you were the man, she was your little prize, and you were gonna get all up in her shit? Gonna push your way into her life whether she liked it or not, make it all about you, and crush her dreams until she didn't have them anymore?"

"That's not what I did!"

"You sure?" she asked.

I opened my mouth to respond, but not a damned thing came out. "I didn't mean to," I finally mumbled.

Hannah just laughed once. "You think that really matters to the one getting stepped on? Ty, c'mon. Cody's tough. She wants to blaze her own path, not have you hand it to her! She isn't looking for an honorable mention. She certainly doesn't want to be 'someone's girlfriend.' She wants to be a bull rider. Hell, maybe she even wants to be Rookie of the Year. But trust me, her dream - regardless of how cute you are - isn't to end up with you. It's to end up in that stupid circle in the middle of the arena with the biggest buckle they hand out."

"The gold one," I said. "It's not actually bigger, Hannah. It's just gold."

"That!" she said. "And you looked at that girl and decided you wanted her. You figured you'd just claim her as yours, right? She'd be so excited, but only based on the dumb-ass reactions of those idiots y'all find in those bars."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean," she said, "that not everyone wants to be second fiddle, Ty. Hell, do you? How would you feel if the world only knew you as Reni's friend? Oh, him? Yeah, he rides bulls too, but he's Renato Viera's best friend. I'm sure he has a name, but his ass looks good in those jeans, huh? Scores? Shit, does that matter? He just hangs out with that other hot guy. Can you imagine what he'd look like in your bed? Real pretty. Rides? Fuck, who cares about that? He's just something to fuck, and here's hoping he's not the talkative kind."

I leaned back in my chair and tilted my bottle up so I could chug. I needed a real long drink to cool off the anger her words were creating. Not at her. No, Hannah had this uncanny ability to speak in "man," as she called it. She put things all blunt and without bullshit, which meant I couldn't say she was wrong.

I also really didn't like the picture she'd just painted, because it was a little too on the nose. From the first time I'd laid eyes on Cody, I'd thought about how she'd look in my bed. I'd thought about how I'd make her fall in love with me. I hadn't stopped to consider whether or not I could love her back. That hadn't seemed important at the time.

She'd been another thing to win. Sure, J.D. had tuned my ass in. He'd sent me to St. Louis, a few hours too far to get myself in trouble while the rest of them stopped in Cody's home town. He'd taken the chance to get to know her, to help her, and to put her first.

I hadn't. I'd put me first. Even in Cheyenne. I'd worried about what the other guys would say about me not fucking the girls. Like they'd even notice if I didn't hit the bar with them! Still, my only concern had been my reputation, not Cody's. I'd been so focused on my own pride - my own fucking ego - that I'd tromped all over hers.

And that woman had spent her entire life working to get half as much recognition as I got just for showing up. She busted her ass on the back of a bull. She also rode those monsters like she was born there. Cody was a damned good rider. She knew her shit. She deserved to get all the credit for all the work she'd put in, but while she'd been chasing her career, I'd been chasing her pussy.

I'd been pissed about her not being in my bed enough. I'd been pissed about her having feelings for Tanner - and maybe even J.D. I'd been pissed because she hadn't put me first. The real big problem with all of that was who she'd picked instead.

Herself.

"I fucked up real bad," I mumbled.

"Yeah," Hannah agreed. "Sounds like you did, Ty. You think she'll give you a second chance?"

"No fucking clue," I admitted. "Thing is, I'm not so sure I deserve one."

"So maybe you should change that?"

I laughed once. "Yeah. Sure. Still won't change that I probably crossed a few lines. The kind that can't be uncrossed, Hannah. The kind that convince a woman to run far and run fast."

"And even if that's true," Hannah pointed out, "Cody's not the only woman in the world. Know what? I bet the next one would really prefer a man who has learned a few things."

For a little too long, I stared at the bottle of beer in my hand and the shit-ugly carpet under it. I wasn't sure I was really thinking, but those words? I knew they were nothing but raw truth. Maybe not the truth I wanted to hear, because I sure wanted Hannah to tell me I could fix this.

But not everything could be fixed. The real question was whether or notIcould be. And if that was going to happen, there wouldn't be anyone else doing the fixing but me. I had to figure out how to fix my own damned shit, and I really hoped I was man enough to do it.

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