Page 40 of The Wolves At My Sides

Chapter Thirty-One

Irwin

As much as I wanted Fen to feel better, I had to admit laying around in bed and only getting up for room service did feel like a vacation. I texted Shepard every few hours to check on Faran, but other than that all our attention stayed on each other. It wasn’t the sexy vacation I thought was ahead of us, but it was the one we all needed. It was as if we weren’t just showing Fen he wasn’t alone, but showing him how to not be alone.

I knew more than anyone how it felt to be a ‘burden’ to everyone around me. Looking back, I should’ve given myself more credit, because I never gave up living my life after my parents disowned me or gave up hope of finding a way to cure or manage Shepard’s bloody visions. I hoped when Fen looked back at this time, he saw the same thing about himself.

“You told Clarence exactly what happened,” Marcus said.

I had dozed off and missed the first half of the conversation, but it was obvious what the pair were talking about.

“I had to.”

“No, you didn’t. You were a kid. If you clammed up no one would’ve blamed you, but you spoke the words. You told him what happened,” Marcus said.

“I told everyone who asked what happened – at least all the folks Clarence brought in after Bram died. I had to. I didn’t know Bram was dead at the time and I didn’t want them to give me back to him. It was self-preservation,” Fen said.

I rolled to my side and wrapped my arm around his middle. He pressed back against me and entwined his fingers through mine.

“That still took guts. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. A lot of people let you down. Just as many let your parents down. Let everyone Bram ever touched down, but you didn’t let anyone down, Fen. You were a kid, and you did more than anyone could ever ask of any kid,” Marcus said.

“But it wasn’t enough,” Fen shook his head.

“What would’ve been enough?” Marcus asked.

“I don’t know,” Fen said, and I hugged him tighter.

“What were you supposed to do? Take on Bram Valen and defeat him? The guy who runs Guardians of Glitter Bomb is a trained monster killer. He took out guys like that for a living, before he retired, and he would’ve been dead if not for Leo’s magic. Ty was trained for it. He wasn’t alone either. So, tell me what---”

“It wasn’t fucking fair okay!” Fen snapped and I startled back.

His grip tightened on my hand.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to---” he started, but Marcus shook his head.

“It’s okay to be angry about it. It wasn’t fair,” Marcus said.

“I don’t want to be angry at you guys.”

“You’re not.”

“Marcus, why don’t you call Daniel and check on Faran, please?” I asked, sitting up.

They obviously needed a break from the conversation.

Fen grabbed Marcus’s arm and tugged him in close for a kiss before letting him slip out of bed. Once he was out of the room Fen spoke.

“I brought it up. Don’t be mad at him,” he whispered.

“I’m not. You both just needed a break. He’s right. It’s okay to be mad.”

“I know, but sometimes I’m so mad. I just never had anyone to say it to. Maybe it’s not fair to even drag you guys into my head.”

“Life isn’t fair. I’m not a therapist. I’m a writer. So, maybe my words don’t carry the same weight as Marcus’s, but some things are too heavy to carry alone. This is one of those things.”

“When we get home are we still going to work on the book?” Fen asked me.

“Do you want to?”

---