Page 28 of The Wolves At My Sides

“We could take him with us, but we’d have to take turns on rides, and I don’t know how much emotional work we’d get done either. Don’t get me wrong. I’m going to miss him. Just thinking about it makes me ache, but the longer this goes on the worse we’re going to feel. We can’t be good parents, caregivers, and role models if we don’t get our shit worked out. Right now, he doesn’t know anything’s wrong. He’s too young, but he’s growing fast and soon he’s going to start to put stuff together. I’d rather not have our kid wondering about our love life or developing some complex because of us.”

“Faran is not developing a complex,”I said, trying not to growl.

“Not yet. No, but unhappy parents make for miserable kids,”Irwin said.

I opened my mouth to say I was happy but stopped short. Speaking aloud wasn’t private anymore and there was a deeper question that bothered me. My fox shifted my eyes to his and looked out at Irwin.

“Are you unhappy, mate?”I asked.

“Not in the way you mean. I love it here. I love you and Faran and Fen, but something has to give Marcus. I can’t live in the perpetual cycle of the true-mate response magic. I can’t. It’s starting to make me feel crazy. I wanted to bite Shepard for sitting next to Fen the other day. That’s not normal and it’s certainly not healthy. I love Shepard. He’s my brother. He’s mated off to your brother. So, something has to give. There aren’t many places nearby to go on vacation. I’m not ready to fly off anywhere without Faran. So, this is the only place I can think of. I’d say we could stay here and just have them watch Faran, but I don’t know. I don’t know what to do, but maybe this will work. Maybe it won’t, but, mate, we have to try something.”

“I never said I didn’t want to go,”I said, leaning as close to him as I could without squishing Faran and pressing my forehead against his.“I love you and I want to make this all better. I think that’s what kills me. I don’t know how to make it better. It’s so tangled up. He’s so ---”I took a deep breath.

“Skittish from his past?”Irwin offered up and I nodded.

“That and I’m tired. I’m tired of the pull. I just want to live again and not be in limbo.”

“Don’t be mad at him, Alpha,”Irwin touched my cheek.

“I’m not mad at him. I’m mad at a lot of people, but I’m not mad at him. He’s doing the best he can and he’s in the trenches with us.”

“Maybe the world will look clearer from the top of a ferris wheel or from an inner tube floating in circles,”he grinned.

“Frost above me, I hope you’re right.”

“Me too, Alpha. Me too.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

Irwin

Daniel arranged for us to borrow one of the pack’s SUVs for the trip and once the three of us were loaded inside I realized just how built for couples the world was. I offered Fen the front seat but he insisted on sitting behind us. He was always sweet like that as he tried to make a big deal about not splitting up me and Marcus. Only it annoyed me that we couldn’t all sit together.

“Go back to school and build poly SUVS?”My wolf offered up in my thoughts, trying to make me laugh.

“Everyone buckled up?” Marcus asked, sounding more like his sire than ever.

He checked his mirror twice, pressed the button on his door to lock all of them, and then triple-checked that Fen and I were belted up before pulling out of the parking lot.

I shared a conspiratorial glance with Fen over my shoulder, but secretly liked it when Marcus doted on me. It was nice to have someone around who cared if I got tossed out the windshield in an auto accident or not. I grabbed his hand from the center console and entwined my fingers through his as we headed toward the highway.

“Have either of you been to an amusement park before?” Marcus asked us.

“I haven’t. There are plenty in Europe, but I never bothered,” Fen said.

“I have,” I volunteered trying to be the cheerful one. “We went to the one close to Mage Street while we were at Hemlock Academy. We didn’t stay long just a couple rides and then Shepard had one of his visions and when his head cleared, I just took him back to campus.”

“Maybe we should’ve brought him along for a do-over now that he doesn’t have them anymore,” Marcus grinned.

“Next time,” I said and squeezed his hand. “Maybe we’ll come back when the kids are older. Hell, we might have more kids before then.”

I didn’t need to look in the rearview mirror to know those words made Fen blush. He was doing that a lot more often these days. Any slight mention of babies or baby making had him turning into a tomato-headed wolf.

“Daniel and Shepard might too,” Marcus added, trying to make Fen feel less awkward.

“Do you guys want another kid?” Fen asked from behind us and for a moment I didn’t know what to say.

Usually, it was me bringing up those topics.

---