Page 22 of Bikers & Bars

The vulnerability lacing his words cracked open my chest, exposing every emotion and nerve ending to the men in bed with me.

Finally, I opened my eyes and blinked away the tears. They didn’t question me as I stood and went to the bathroom. I was still in a pair of boyshorts and one of Bane’s shirts. I vaguely remembered him helping me change at some point and lifted the fabric to my chin to breathe it in, hoping to channel some of his calm.

It didn’t help. My head, heart, and guilt were at war within me.

After doing my business and brushing my teeth, I threw some water on my face. I tilted my head up and glanced at my reflection in the mirror, wincing at the sight that greeted me.

If I thought I could get away with a shower I’d take one. It would have to wait until after.

I swiped away the raccoon eyes my makeup left behind and threw the towel in the hamper before finally heading for the door, my hand lingering there as I calmed myself.

This talk had to happen. Loki was right.

Damien deserved this at the very least.

“Come out here, now,” Damien growled through the door. There was a soft clunk like he’d dropped his forehead against the door.

“I am,” I answered. It was quiet but he heard me still, opening the door to greet me. His face was hard as his eyes scanned me. It felt like he was memorizing my face all overagain. Four years had felt like ages and I knew he felt the same. We’d both changed since that day.

He wrapped his hand around my bicep and led me to the chair in the corner of the room. When we reached it he turned me and pushed lightly so I fell into the chair.

Damn, this was feeling like an interrogation. My eyes met Loki’s but he was too guarded to read.

My eyes fell to my hands as they twisted in the hem of the shirt I was wearing. How did I put all this pain and heartache into an explanation that wouldn’t hurt them both worse?

At the end of the day, Damien was right. I left him with no real answers, disappeared, and never came back. In that time he wondered and looked for me, keeping his distance. And I’d gotten with Loki, Bane, and recently Romeo without even mentioning my ex-fiance.

What a mess.

There was nothing for it at this point. The only way forward was getting right in the thick of it. With a fortifying breath, I started to talk, the words spilling out as I fought to keep my tears at bay.

“Right before I left… I went to the omega clinic to talk about my lack of heat. I don’t have them, never have, never will. They confirmed what I feared. I’m unable to have kids. I won’t ever be able to give my pack children.”

“Eliza,” Damien breathed out, the pain in his voice matching my own. I didn’t look up or respond, I simply forged ahead. It was the only way I’d get through this all.

“After a few nights of barely sleeping, I looked over at you and realized I couldn’t stay. You deserved an omega who could give you that life. I never would be able to and I knew you wouldn’t just let me walk away. So, I left.”

“That’s bullshit,” Damien growled, face twisted with hurt and anger. “You didn’t give me a chance to respond to that at all!How could you just take everything we had and fuckingleavewithout even talking to me?!”

He was pacing now and I could see his leather boots stomping back and forth as he paced. Loki’s silence made my anxiety rise even higher and my stomach twisted in knots wondering what he was thinking of me right now.

“You left and found a new life, one you didn’t give me a place in,” he added, finally stopping.

It took everything in me to raise my gaze to meet his. It was a storm of fury, frustration, pain, and love.

How could he still feel that? I was an asshole and I fucking knew it.

“I didn’t want to grow old with you quietly resenting me,” I admitted. “I’d rather be alone forever.”

“Youaren’talone forever, you have them,” he pointed out in frustration. “What about them got you to stay?”

“They’re older and don’t want kids,” I said quietly. “Do you know why I went to that clinic, Damien?”

He shook his head, his lips pursed into a thin line. I’d never seen him this angry and I hated that it was aimed at me. My gut churned with unease and I couldn't blame anyone but myself for the pain ripping me apart, piece by piece.

“You and I were talking about the wedding and you said how pretty I’d be. Then you said how it would have nothing on seeing me swollen with your baby,” I managed to choke out before a sob took over. “I knew then I had to be sure, to confirm what I suspected. That your fantasy could never include me.”

“Fuck that,” Damien said, dropping down in front of me. “If I had the choice of a kid or you, I’d choose you every time. We’d have options, omega. None of that matters without you. You’re my mate, I don’t want anyone else.”

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