Page 44 of Knot Theirs

She was so damn cheerful. Bonded and starting to grow a family. The sudden pang of envy I felt caught me by surprise. Normally, all of that wouldn’t make me feel jealous.

Although maybe, if I was honest with myself, those bitter feelings were part of the reason I didn’t often want to talk to her. Worry and lack of sleep had me dropping my guard.

“How do you do it? I’m kind of flailing here, and I keep thinking you’ve got it all figured out.”

“How do I do what, exactly? Are you okay, sweetie?”

The concern in her voice made me want to toss the phone across the room. I took a deep breath instead. I hadn’t explained myself well, and it wasn’t Kat’s fault.

“I met a pack. It brought up a lot of shit.” I rubbed my temples. “I’m not sure if I’m ready to be an omega, if that makes sense. I’ve been living on my own for a while now. I just… I don’t even know what I’m asking.”

“I’m hearing big life decisions. Questions about identity and independence.”

“Yeah. That’s a good summary.”

“Well, being an omega doesn’t mean giving upyour life. Or it shouldn’t.” She was quiet, and I waited for more words of wisdom. “The pack you met, do they treat you like your job and your needs aren’t as important as theirs?”

I finally cracked a smile. Kat sounded a tiny bit pissed, which was a lot pissed for any normal person.

“They’re actually pretty respectful of what I do. I don’t think they’d ever ask me to quit. But what if I’m not enough of an omega for them?”

“If they’re the right pack for you, you’re enough.” She said it like it was absolute truth. “But I get why you’re asking. Honestly, I’ve felt a ton of pressure in my life to do what I thought was expected of me as an omega. Like staying with my first pack when it wasn’t working. It turns out I always had a choice, it just took me a while to realize it. My new pack supports me as I am. I have a job I love. We’ve found a good balance.”

“It seems like you have it all.” I couldn’t help the resentment in my voice. Why had she come out of our experience stronger, and I felt weaker?

Kat laughed. “No, definitely not. My life isn’t perfect. I don’t get along with my parents, and James is such an alpha sometimes, it drives me nuts.” She took a breath. “And since it’s you, I can share that I have anxiety and nightmares still. I’m happy, though. I won’t deny that. The pack gives me strength.”

I felt some of my tension ease. It wasn’t like she was some superwoman, and it wasn’t fair of me to bemad about her happiness. She’d earned it. I let go of all that crap and focused on the main point.

“But do you ever feel like they see you as an omega first, and Kat second?”

“No. But also, I don’t see myself that way.” Tricky Kat, throwing it right back at me. “My being an omega is just one aspect of how we fit together. I scent matched with my first pack too, and look how that turned out. The second time around, I made sure it was based on more than that. But my omega instincts also knew they were mine from the beginning. It’s hard to separate, I guess.”

“Do youlikebeing an omega?” My voice cracked, as though it was some dark secret we weren’t supposed to talk about.

She sighed heavily. “Wow. That’s a question. It can definitely be a burden. But it’s who I am. I can’t separate out the me who’s an omega from the me who’s just Kat. We’re the same.”

Her words weren’t magic. I didn’t instantly feel like a whole person. But I did feel better. Something about saying the scary thing out loud, and knowing I wasn’t alone.

“Thanks. I needed to hear that.”

“Of course. I’m here to talk anytime.” Kat paused. “You know, the guys call me their omega, and I love it. BecauseI’mtheir omega. Because no other omega is me.” She laughed. “I’m probably not making sense.”

My breath caught, and my throat was suddenly tight.

“No. You’re making perfect sense.”

“One more thing, before you go. If I can give you one piece of advice? You have to love yourself before other people can love you. And you are so deserving of love, Tracy. I hope you know that.”

“Thank you.” My voice was a whisper.

“Keep me posted, okay?”

“I will.”

And I meant it.

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