Page 73 of Accidental Irish Daddy

We walk together down the stairs and to the street toward the park.

“Funny how the weather changed so suddenly,” he says listlessly. “Like Ma took the sun with her when she left.”

I can’t help but smile a little at the idea that the weather was only the way it was by sheer will of his mother’s love of the sunshine. “Your mother was a force of nature.”

“That she was. I never properly thanked you for all your help with her. You made her final days easier.”

That’s nice to hear from him. I’m glad he appreciates my work with her.

We enter through the park gates, and I immediately notice how empty it is. It’s mid-afternoon and most people are at work right now. A few senior citizens are out walking by the pond in the center of the park. A couple of young mothers are sitting under a gazebo far out on the other side…but other than that, there’s hardly anyone here.

We walk over to the pond and Grant leads me to a bench just off the edge where a family of ducks are swimming. They see us and take off toward the other side of the pond.

“So, you wanted to talk,” I say to him, “Let’s talk.”

He takes a deep breath, his brow furrowing. “This is harder than I thought it was going to be.”

I tilt my head at him. He seems to really be struggling with whatever’s on his mind.

“Ever since you came into my life,” he begins, “it’s like I’m being forced to rethink everything about what I thought I needed. I used to think that love was one of those things meant for other people. People who did it all right, you know? Whomanaged to get through a normal life with normal parents and friends and…”

He stops, looking down at his hands for a moment. “I really fucked everything up when I became an addict. Everything in my life went to shit and the worst part is that I still don’t know exactly why. There were things that happened…my father cheating, my mother struggling…things that people go through all the time and they never crawl into a bottle. For some reason, though, that wasn’t me. I have no idea what the tipping point was. It’s like I have to keep everything in check or else I’ll wake up one day and…and I’ll be deep in the bottle again. I don’t want to be the monster I was ever again.”

I don’t know what to say or even if I should say anything. The ice around my heart is starting to melt, though, and all I want to do is hold him.

“What I know for certain,” he goes on, “is that you and Bridget are the one good thing that has come into my life in a long time… I’m falling for you, Aisling. It would kill me if you left permanently.”

I can’t speak for a moment. My heart is pounding in my ears.

“Are you saying you want me to stay with you?”

“I’m saying all I want is you,” he says. “We should give this relationship a chance.”

He reaches over and takes my hand. It’s warm and inviting. I’m biting my lip hard to keep myself from caving completely.

“You’ve hurt me, Grant,” I say. I pull my hand away from him. “When you push me away, you push so hard. I’m afraid one day you’ll shove me away so viciously that I’ll never want to come back.”

He doesn’t say anything to that and the silence between us is heavy, but it’s giving me some clarity.

“I need to think about it,” I tell him. “Honestly, I need time to decide if a life with you is really what I want.”

“You don’t feel the same way about me.” His eyes turn to the lake. Dark. Closed.

“I didn’t say that. I’m just saying…allI’m saying is that I want to think it over. That’s all. And if you love me the way I think you’re saying you do, then you’ll wait for my answer.”

I lean over and kiss him. It’s sweet, loving, our lips intertwining like magic. When we part, I can feel my eyes starting to burn, so I turn away.

“I’ll see you soon,” is all I say as I leave. On my way back to the car, my heart feels like it’s going to leap out of my chest. He is falling for me.

And I love him so much.

But what if this is just him reaching out for some reason, and then he kicks me away again.

Can I really risk my heart? My baby?

I don’t know what I can do…but I do know that I need time. I get in my car and take a long deep breath.

This is the right decision.

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