Page 18 of Thoroughly Pucked

When I get there, I’m raring to bang on the door with the kind of ferocity seen when the muscle shows up in a movie. Hell, when Aiden opens it, I’m going to have to refrain from slamming a fist into that coward’s piehole.

I’m clenching and unclenching my fists as we march through the lobby of the Airport Inn like aReservoir Dogsposse, long strides eating up the carpet, Aubrey keeping pace with us, powered by her thirst for romance vengeance.

We must look like a gang of misfits, her in her hacked-up dress, stockings and boots, Dev sporting his new pancake special shirt, and me in my Crocs that squeak as we head down the hallway, a giant cardboard schlong under my arm.

I can’t wait to deliver it.

When I turn the corner, I scan the digits on the doors. Almost there. A few more rooms.

Number 131 looms, but before we reach it, I stick out my arm, stopping Aubrey. Dev stops too.

“What is it?” she whispers.

“You still good with this?”

“Yes. Are you having second thoughts?”

I scoff. “Nope. I just want to make sure you’re all in.”

She gives a soft smile. “Love that you asked, but the answer is yes. Go get ’em…tiger.”

Mmm…that word. That nickname. Not that I don’t like Stern Brunch Daddy—I like it too much. Just like I’m enjoying her sayingtigerwith a little throaty purr to her pretty voice. Just like I’m enjoying everything about her more than I should.

But now’s not the time to go soft.

It’s not the time to be a dick either. Just to deliver one.

I release my clenched fist and try to loosen the valve on some of my anger. We cover the final feet to the room, set up the life-size dong, and then Aubrey raps twice on the door.

“Hey, babe,” she says, but her lips twist in disgust at the end, and I can tell it cost her something to even say those two words.

Seconds later, the door creaks open, and some sort of shtupping music floats out. The chorus of Ginuwine’s “Pony.” I roll my eyes, muttering, “Jesus.”

That’s on every sex playlist. It requires zero imagination.

Dev shoots me ashut the fuck uplook.

My derision got the better of my discretion. I mime zipping my lips as Aiden asks from behind the door, “Sweetie pie? Is that you or is that room service?”

Fuck. I hope I didn’t ruin our plan.

Aubrey straightens her spine, plastering on a faux sexy grin even though he can’t see her yet. “Hey, babe. It’s me. In my bridal dress. And yes, I have room service,” she says, in an over-the-top throaty voice that she follows with a mimed gag, just for us.

With a relieved sigh, Aiden tugs the door all the way open, voila style, showing off his…are you kidding me? He’s wearing wrinkled boxers?

I loathe him.

His eyes widen to saucers, flashing from Dev to me and back, confusion in those irises. “You brought…your brother’s friends, babe?”

“She sure did,” I say.

Aiden holds up his hands apologetically, waving us off with a chuckle. “Look, I had a blast at the party last night. And, seriously, guys, I appreciate the compliment big time. But,” he says, taking his time to sigh regretfully, “I’m not into dudes.”

Of courseMister Horny McFuckerson thinks we’re all here for the bang date. Of course he can’t conceive we’d be here for any other reason. Like, he’s a prick.

“We’re not here for that. We’re here with a delivery,” Dev says as he shoves the cardboard at Aiden.

I pat the head of the cutout. “Yes, Mister Cardboard Dick is here to teach you a few lessons,” I singsong as I turn to the standing dick balanced on its formidablecardboard balls. “Because he has more balls than you. Want to know why?”

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