Page 30 of Thoroughly Pucked

Trina and Ivy just look at each other, with the smugness of two happily married and well-fucked babes. “Famous last words,” they say in unison.

13

I’M CATNIP

Ledger

My cousin gently fingers the sticky flower on my back deck. “Don’t deny it. You totally got this plant for the name,” Hollis says, calling me out.

I cross my arms. “I did not.”

Scoffing, he lets go of the plant that’s hanging on the patio of my San Francisco home. His pointed look says he thinks I’m a big liar. “You did. Just admit it. Sticky monkey flower?” He gestures to the plant’s friend, a Lamium, bursting with pink flowers in its pot in the corner. “Bet you’re going to tell me the next one is a Leopard Racer. And then, I’m sure you’ve got a Banana Cat too.”

I drag a hand down my face, fighting the laughter that always bubbles up when I’m with this guy. I can’t give an inch, though, or he’ll take a mile and, I dunno, test out his new sketch comedy on me when I’m eageras hell to get out of town. “Actually, there is a plant called the Dog Banana,” I say evenly.

Hollis holds his arms out wide, like he owns the world. “It’s official. I can be a plant namer in my next life.”

“Or this life. You’ll need a post-hockey career, after all.” I instantly regret the doom warning. He doesn’t need to hear that from me, and I’m the one who needs a career after hockey. My cousin is in the prime of his career, having recently joined Dev’s team, the Golden State Foxes.

I wave, dismissing the topic, so we can just move on. “But thanks for taking care of the plants. Normally, my neighbor Shanti handles it, but she’s in Houston for the week. One of her matchmaking clients is tying the knot.”

His eyes sparkle. “Oh, I’ve been thinking about using a matchmaker someday.”

Arching a brow, I shoot him a dubious look. “She specializes in Indian marriages in the U.S. Not white guys who play pro hockey for a living.”

“Fine, fine, piss on my romance dreams. Anyway, stop stalling. And tell me more about the…” He waves a hand toward the Lamium. “I’m sure you’re going to tell me it’s a Pussycat Fruit.”

I don’t stifle my laugh this time, but I center myself quickly. I show him the rest of the plants on the patio, then head inside to my friends on the windowsill, giving him the lowdown on the care they need.

When we’re finishing by the Calathea on the plant table, a sleek black cat materializes in the living room,slinking past us, stopping to rub against Hollis’s leg. What the hell? Is there a blue moon?

“Jack. How’s it going, bro?” Hollis says to the cat.

“Jack never comes out. He hates strangers. He hates people. He hates me,” I say, incredulous at the unexpected feline appearance.

“Hate to break it to you, but I’m pretty much catnip.” Hollis bends and offers a hand to Jack for sniffing.

The cat rubs his head against my cousin’s palm. Yeah, Hollis is catnip all right. I glance at the sea-blue clock on the living room wall, made of recycled ocean plastic. My mind races a few hours ahead to the airfield, but I force my focus back to Hollis, who’s squinting at the cat.

“He has one eye. Cool. I like that.”

“I’m sure he did it for you.”

Hollis scratches the traitorous beast’s chin. “Jack, we’re going to have a good time taking care of the monkey flowers.”

A gentle rumble fills the air.

“Is he—” I can’t bring myself to say it.

Hollis flashes me an easy grin. “Yes, he’s purring. What can I say? Cats like me, dogs like me, people like me. I’m just that kind of guy. Plus, I’ve been watching this vet show, and I learned a ton of cool shit. Like, do you brush your cat’s teeth?”

“No. I don’t have a death wish.”

“Cool. I’m gonna make it my mission then. I’ve seen every single one of Doctor Lennox’s vids, so I’m pretty sure I can do it just as well as a vet.”

I stifle a groan. It’s evidently my fate to be surrounded by cocky fuckers. I don’t bother to point out that the good doctor, known for hisThe Hot Vetseries,mighthave some tricks up his DVM sleeve. “Good luck, buddy. If you freshen Jack’s breath…free beer for life.”

“It is on,” Hollis says. I show him the cat food tin and the litter, giving him the rest of the details as Jack the Traitor follows my cousin everywhere.

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