Page 8 of Stalked By the Farmer

How can I admit that when he's practically begging for forgiveness? He'll think I'm just saying it to make him feel better.

"It won't happen again," he promises in a rough voice. "I don't want this to ruin our friendship."

Friendship. The word is a punch in the gut. I thought for one heart-stopping moment when his lips touched mine that there might be something more between us. But of course, I was wrong. Just a stupid mistake on his part.

I force a smile and lift my gaze to his. "Don't worry about it. It was just a kiss. No big deal."

The words taste bitter on my tongue, but I have to set him at ease. I can't lose him completely. Friendship is better than nothing at all.

"Are you sure?" He searches my face, and for a moment I think he sees the truth in my eyes. Then he exhales in relief. "Thank God. I thought I'd really messed things up."

"What are friends for?" I ask with a careless shrug. If only he knew that I want to be so much more.

He continues walking me to my doorstep. Conner has always done that. He would be a true gentleman of a boyfriend.

My heart aches with every step.

I barely register our goodbye. I'm too focused on not letting the tears that must shine in my eyes fall.

When I get inside, I mumble an excuse to my parents and hurry to my room, closing the door behind me. I lean back against it, eyes squeezed shut as I struggle not to cry.

I'm such an idiot. How could I let myself fall for him? I've ruined everything.

With a sob, I collapse onto my bed and bury my face in my pillow. The faint scent of Conner's cologne clings to my hair, intensifying the pain.

I bite down on the pillow, waves of anguish rolling through me. The last thing I need is for my parents to come rushing in here, full of concern and questions I can't answer. Questions that would force me to face the truth I'm trying so hard to avoid.

Hot tears soak into my pillow as I cling to it, trembling. The ache in my chest is almost more than I can bear. I've lost him, lost the one person who knows me better than anyone else.

Conner is my best friend, nothing more. That kiss was a mistake and things between us will go back to the way they were before. I'll get over these ridiculous feelings and move on.

But as much as I try to convince myself, I know it's no use. I'm in love with him, and after today, I'll never be able to forget the sweetness of his kiss or the tenderness in his eyes when he looked at me.

I'm in love with my best friend, and it's going to break my heart.

Conner is the most important person in my life, my partner in crime, the one constant I could always count on. Now I've ruined it all for the sake of a silly crush, and the loneliness and regret threaten to consume me.

I don't know how to move on from here. How do I pretend that kiss never happened when all I want is to feel Conner's arms around me again? How can I look him in the eye and act like I don't ache for him with every breath?

There's no easy fix for this, no way to undo what's been done. I'm stuck in this mess I've created, trapped between longing for what can never be and mourning the loss of what always was.

I ache to tell Conner the truth, to confess that he's always been so much more than a friend to me. Even now, with heartbreak fresh between us, the urge to run to him is almost overwhelming.

I want to lose myself in his embrace again, to drown in kisses as deep and endless as the ocean. I want to pour my heart out at his feet, lay bare all the secret longing I've harbored for years.

Perhaps if he knew the depth of my devotion, he would forgive this betrayal of our friendship. Perhaps he would meet my love with love of his own, and we could begin anew.

Or perhaps he would recoil in disgust, cast me out of his life forever. The risk is too great, the stakes too high. I can't gamble with the dearest relationship I have, no matter how badly I ache for more.

Our friendship must come before my heart's desire. Conner's place in my life is too precious to throw away on the vain hope of winning his love in return. I'll lock my feelings in a box and bury them deep, keeping our bond intact even if it means losing part of myself.

The price of confessing my love is too dear. Conner's friendship is worth any sacrifice, and if hiding my heart is what it takes to keep him by my side, then so be it.

CHAPTERFIVE

Conner

The sun sinksbelow the horizon, shadows lengthening across the farm. Misty should've been here by now.

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