Page 25 of Bride for the Bikers

I could lie to make her feel better, but she’s not dumb. “I don’t know.”

15

HARPER

Thunder is stretchedout on the ground, using his shirt as a pillow and snoring softly. Lightning is slumped over in a chair, dead asleep. How? I try to close my eyes, but every time I do, all I can see is Bruno’s head exploding, and then Vincent Mesner—the man who seemed so enthusiastic about being my father—walk away. Heleft me there. Maybe I could believe that he didn’t specifically want me to die, but he sure didn’t seem bothered by the possibility.

But Outlaw, a man I’m not sure even likes me, put his body between me and danger.

I get up and walk over to check on him. He’s sleeping as well, after taking the little over the counter packet of painkillers from the first-aid kit. He was restless at first, but seems to be sleeping easier now. I reach out and let my fingers skim over the makeshift bandage without really touching. If that bullet had hit him anywhere else, it could've been the end. It still could. There’s no guarantee that it didn’t nick him somewhere inside.

He got hit protecting me.

“Sleep,” Shadow says quietly, but it makes me jump anyway.

I find him looking at me from the shadows a few feet away. It’s his turn to watch Outlaw and stay alert in case anyone finds us. I shake my head. “I tried. I don’t know how they can fall asleep at a time like this. I can’t stopfeeling.”

He nods slowly, an understanding look on his face. “They trust me to have their backs, and they know the only way to do the same is to get as much rest as possible. I can fucking guarantee you they have a lot of fucking feelings about what’s happening, but sometimes you have to pack it up and put it on a shelf to deal with later.”

“I don’t know how,” I whisper.

“Don’t you? What did you do when your mom got sick? Did you fall apart? Or did you step up and keep going even though you didn’t know what the fuck you were doing and if it was the right choice?”

“That's different.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah! Because I love her and I know she’d do the same for me. If it was up to Outlaw, you wouldn’t be in this situation. He didn’t want to take me with you, and look where it got him. This is my fault.” I fidget with my hands, twisting my fingers around each other. The manicure is chipping on one of my nails, and I feel like a bitch for even noticing at a time like this.

Shadow stands up and walks to my side, he takes my hand and pulls me away from Outlaw’s sleeping form. “Do you want me to be all comforting and shit, or do you want me to be real?”

“Real. I guess.”

“ ‘What if’ is a game you can play back as far back as you want. Life's just a chain of consequences, and none of us are the center of the fucking universe. If your daddy gave a shit about human life we wouldn’t have been in town at all. If we hadn’t picked such a public way to kick him in the nuts, we wouldn’t have had to grab you in the first place. Outlaw is a grown man who makes his own damn choices. There isn’t a fucking world where he would have let you or any of us take a bullet if he could make a difference.”

Unlike my own father. Oh God.

My life is a train wreck, and I don't know what to do, or where to turn. I’m afraid that if I start crying I won’t be able to stop, but I can't stop the sob that racks my body.

“Hey, hey, it's okay. You're gonna be okay.” Shadow pulls me against him. It feels so nice with his strong arms around me. Like I can relax just for a second. I burrow my face into his shirt, hoping he doesn't mind the tears.

It takes a few minutes before I’m back in control, and the whole time he rubs a strong hand in circles on my back. I sniffle, willing the lump in my throat to settle. Up close, he has an intoxicating smell of leather and oil, so distinctly masculine that it calls to the feminine inside me. I breathe it in like a drug.

“Listen, Harper. Fuck Mesner, and fuck Carnell, okay? We'll get you home, or wherever the fuck you wanna go, away from all this bullshit. The only thing you’re fucking guilty of is wanting to help, and trusting someone who doesn’t deserve it. A couple bullets won’t scare us off. Back home, that's a regular fucking Tuesday.”

I laugh despite how tight my chest is feeling. “Why did I end up with such a terrible father?”

“Happens to the best of us,” he says bitterly.

“Was your dad no good either?”

He scoffs. “Fuck no. That asshole drank like a fish and had a mean right hook that he practiced on both me and my ma. The only good thing he ever did for us was leave. Trust me, living this life, I’ve run into some crazy motherfuckers, but he was a real piece of work. I heard he died a few years back and all I felt was relief that he couldn’t poison anyone else’s life anymore.”

I swallow, wanting to wrap him up in my arms like he does to me, but I have to settle for hugging him tight around the waist. “I thought the worst things I could find out about my father would be that either he was already dead, or that he knew about me and just didn’t care.”

“Who shares your blood doesn’t mean shit, Harper. That’s not what makes family. It’s who sticks around, day after day, at your best and worst. It’s who we choose. Remember that.” He pulls me closer, running his fingers up and down my bare arm. His fingertips are rough and callused, but they feel nice. A connection. “I was a kid when he left, but even then I wasn’t stupid enough to miss him. Mom was fucking amazing, and eventually the dad of one of my friends kinda took me under his wing. He was a biker. A really tough son of a bitch. He'd be gone regularly, and I probably don't even wanna know what kinda shit he was involved with, but he treated me as good as his own boy. Thanks to them I had people in my life that taught me to be a better man than the one that spawned me. I owe that man a lot. So when I think about a father, I think about him, even though we were never related.”

“Is that why you became a biker?” I look up into his eyes and slide a hand to his chest, feeling his strong heart beating beneath my palm.

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