Page 92 of A Clash of Stars

“The nightmares are things that haunt me from my past. Memories. Things that I can’t change but want to. I’d rather not talk about these things right now.” He spoke softly. As if it hurt him to speak the words, he had just told me.

Interesting.

I needed to know more about these nightmares of his, but I became distracted by the view outside of the windows of the carriage.

Approaching the capital of Artesia, I could see the subtle changes in the landscape. The trees grew larger, the sky shone a brighter color of blue, and the animals were ever present in the forest that we traveled through. Memories of my childhood started to resurface in my mind the further we entered my homeland. It had been almost three years since I had been home. I almost forgot how spectacular it was.

There was this special tree that grew in my mother’s garden called the Dreary Willow. When you saw it, it did look rather dreary and somber. The leaves hung down and draped around the tree as if it was a curtain shielding something of importance. Although it had a melancholy name, it was quite magnificent. The bark of the tree was used as a type of medicine to heal wounds for non-royals, but that isn’t what made it wonderful.

Entering the willow, you felt like you were enclosed in a secret garden that no one could find. It was your little secret. It was my escape, my solace when moments went awry.

When I was fifteen, Madok and I were running around the castle, up to no good, of course. We went to hide in the willow when Madok fell and scraped his leg on a stone by the creek surrounding the tree. The gash on his leg was pretty large, but it wasn’t detrimental to his life. We waited a few minutes to see if his powers would enact the healing process that never came, so I immediately ran to the base of the tree, pulling a piece of bark off. I directed Madok to chew on the bark, and within minutes, his leg was healed.

I didn’t know of any other of these trees across the kingdom or even land like the Dreary Willow. It was powerful, sad, yet beautiful. A portion of me couldn’t help but compare myself to that tree. My entire life, I connected myself to my surroundings, part of my natural gifts, I suppose. I wanted to be connected and have a purpose.

I thought back to the conversation I had with Luna in Sefida. She told me that I had great powers and needed to use them, and she scorned me for not doing so.

I couldn’t quite understand how I could easily connect myself to almost everything around me, but I couldn’t connect to the other powers that flowed within my veins. Even before I won the Variance, I knew that Luna was right, that I had more than one bloodline flowing through my veins.

My father is Rhysettian. A warrior. It made sense to me that I felt an unnerving anger and could defeat anyone who stood in my way. I couldn’t grasp the other pulsing powers at my fingertips that I wanted to avoid altogether. No one should have that type of power.

I stared at the ring on my finger. The dark stone onyx, empty and hollow, is enclosed by gold woven around a strangely cut stone. Every time I glanced at it, I couldn’t help but wonder why the stone was chosen to be as dark as night. Why make it so dangerous and wicked looking but have delicate touches of brightness that bind it together?

But Luna was right. These powers, the ring, this forced marriage with Evander terrifies me. That is why I have not unleashed the powers that dwell within me. I am uncertain of what kind of damage it could cause.

The only thing I did know for sure was that growing up as a child, I could connect to nature in a way that no one else could, but around my early teenage years, I could also invade people’s emotions, understanding them clearly. Deep down, I knew I held power that was out of my comfort zone. It was never necessary for me to use them, I had never needed them, and I hoped I never had to. A voice interrupted my thoughts, and I turned my head to see Evander still drawing in his book.

“Clara, we should discuss how we will approach this situation today or this entire week,” he said without looking at me.

A newfound strength came out of me, “If you’re going to speak to me, put the sketchbook away.” I could feel my heart pulsing, waiting for his response. I had always been mouthier when comfortable, and it surprised me that I could do the same in the presence of Evander.

His eyes lifted and gazed into mine. The green speckles reflected off of his eyes showed a sense of understanding and apology.

“You’re right. You now have my full attention. Please tell me how you would like this trip to play out with your parents. They know what this marriage is, but no one else here does.”

I leaned forward, placing my elbows onto my knees, “We both know that everyone here needs to believe we chose to act on this based on ‘love’ and not on this inamorato marking we supposedly have. We will act as if we are in love with each other. Through all of the dinners, festivities, and even at night when we return to our room together.”

When the word love escaped my mouth, I saw Evander’s eyes widen. When I air quoted the word love with my hands, a sense of hurt crept over him. The feeling was hard to miss. Had I hurt his feelings?

“Good plan.” He paused, “With Madok… He will assume that we’ve consummated our marriage.”

A sigh left me. Evander was utterly right. We were married, and we still had not sealed our marriage to one another. Even though I now had been given two orgasms from Evander, I still hadn’t given that part of me to him yet. Panic swelled inside me as I thought of all the parts of this visit that could go wrong. That’s when I saw it.

My castle.

My home.

Elistayre.

The home I grew up in was unlike any other castle. The mosaic placements of stones made it look like one giant artwork with overgrowing bright green vines tangling with the light-washed stones. I might be biased, but it is the most spectacular castle in Carondelet.

Once the carriage stopped, I could see my mother, father, and no sign of Madok. The warm touch of a hand caught my attention.

“Are you ready, darling? Play along with me. It will all be just fine.” His hand brushed my cheek, and his soft smile radiated toward me, giving me a comfort that I was starting to get used to.

He opened the carriage doors and walked out, landing on the ground. He turned and extended a hand for me. I wrapped my hand around him as we met my parents. Immediately, I was smothered into a hug from my mother.

She whispered in my ear, “Oh my gods, Clara. I have been worried that this plan wouldn’t work, but I am so glad it did. You are safe, and oh my goodness, marriage looks fantastic on you.” Yeah… mother, we have so much to talk about with your little plan with Amari. Ugh. I knew I couldn’t say anything right now, but I certainly would later.

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