Page 96 of A Clash of Embers

He groaned, “But there is a part I disagree with.”

I raised my brows, “Oh? And what part is that darling?”

Ev grinned wickedly showing his sharp fangs. “The memories always live on. Even if you forget them, they’re always there.”

He was right and I hated that. Because we also block out the memories we don’t want to remember. To experience them again would be too painful. I avoided memories of my father because I didn’t want to relive that moment again. The moment I lost him.

“It’s okay to miss him—your father.”

I closed my eyes, “I know it’s okay. I just don’t want to miss him. My emotions cloud my judgment and I don’t want to lose my focus on what I’m supposed to do.”

“So is your love for me going to stop me from going into Tetharus?” he countered.

I stopped walking, shaking my head. “You have some nerve to ask me that question.”

“It's a valid one, Clara. Is your love going to stop me?”

“No. It’s not. You need to go into Tetharus. It has to happen.”

He leaned into my space. “What if your father felt that way? Knowing his dying needed to happen even though it wasn’t what he wanted. You saying this proves that you are the person for this job, and anyone who has ever doubted you will be sadly disappointed.”

He kissed me sweetly and pulled back to start walking again.

“The town is just a short distance away. We’ll all split into different houses for the evening and tomorrow we will open the lock.”

The town reminded me of Elistayre in the style and the setup. Small bungalows were perched in the trees connecting to one another. I was exhausted and went into one of the shared spaces for the evening. Ev had to go talk to Callan, Lachlan, and Griffin for the evening to prepare their plans for tomorrow.

I heard the scuffle of feet, and when I looked up, I saw Consul Loveridge with a panicked expression, “I’m sorry. I thought this room was available.”

She turned to walk out the door and I stood up from the bed going after her, “Wait. I wanted to talk to you.”

She sighed turning around to face me, “I don’t want to talk about Athiana’s accusations of me. We both know they aren’t true.”

“Yes, but I wanted to apologize because for a moment I thought it could be true. Only for a fleeting moment, but I feel guilty. You’ve never given me any reason to think that.”

“Clara, I’m not here for you to like me. I am strictly here to ensure your safety. That’s all. I’m not your friend and I’m not offended that you thought about the possibility. It was only you looking out for the people you loved and that is okay. That is normal.”

I scoffed, “None of this is normal, Estelle.”

She closed her eyes when she heard her name, almost like it hurt her to hear it. “Why don’t you like people to use that name? To use your name?”

She shook her head. “I don’t need to tell you anything.”

“Yes. You do.” I pry, stepping closer. “I demand you to tell me why you are so closed off from me and why you don’t like your name being used.”

The anger on her face was bellowing. The steam was bound to billow out of her ears at any second.

“Tell me. Tell me the truth. Why are you so closed off?”

“Because! My father used to call me Estelle Marionette and he killed my mother. Almost killed me. He snapped.” She took a deep breath. “It all happened so fast and she tried to stop him, but she couldn’t. She could only protect me. Not herself. So that is why I don’t want to be called Estelle because it sounds like poison every time, I hear it. Every single time, I see his face. His dreadful face. I keep myself closed off because that is how I keep myself safe and I will continue to do so, Your Majesty.” She took a deep breath with a few quick ones following. “Is that all? May I go?” she asked harshly.

I nodded as I took in what she told me. That’s why she felt the way she did about my father. My family.

“Whoa. What was that about?” Ev asked as he passed by Consul Loveridge on the way into our room.

“Um, it’s a long story. We can talk later about it.”

He smiled, “Good. Because I don’t want to do much talking right now anyway.” His eyes were flickering purple as they studied me. I felt that love. Pure sweetness. I smelled roses.Love. It had to be love.

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