Page 114 of The Moral Dilemma

“I was once in your shoes,” he’d said. “I know what it’s like to be at the bottom, and I wonder if things would have been different if I’d had someone to help me too.”

Although in the beginning Carlos had only been his Good Samaritan, slowly, a friendship had developed between the two of them and he’d been able to find out more about his savior. He was the son of a recently deceased drug lord from the East Coast, and he’d spent his entire life trying to live up to his father’s lofty expectations.

In that regard, Raf could very well sympathize, as he’d done the exact same thing growing up. Carlos had yearned so much for his father’s approval that he hadn’t realized how he’d wasted his life. And when his father had finally rejected him for the last time, he’d decided to make something different of himself—live for himself for the first time.

Though only a short period of time had passed, Raf had managed to become healthier than he’d ever been. He still had to take the drug every two to three days, but he was able to function normally in the time between sessions.

And with his improved physical condition also came mental clarity. He could recall her voice perfectly—the way she’d sweetly sigh his name, even from afar. Unfortunately, though, he had a lot of blank spaces in his memory due to the drug.

Though he recalled most of their interactions—or so he believed—the time he’d spent at the drug facility was more or less a blur. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when they’d had certain conversations, as the days blended together, but the information was somehow in his head.

He knew her dreams and desires—the fact that all she’d ever wanted had been to be accepted and loved for who she was. Raf remembered clearly how she’d recounted that for once, she wanted to be someone’s first choice.

And in that moment he’d vowed that she would always behisfirst choice—the evidence being his effort in getting better even at his own expense.

She was his priority. Because without her, he wouldn’t be here at all.

He not only owed her his life for the number of times she’d saved him, but he also owed her his sanity. She alone had been the only thing that had kept him from going insane during his captivity. Slowly, she’d become such an integral part of him that at times, he didn’t know what to do with himself without her presence.

There were days in which he found himself talking to her, almost forgetting she wasn’t there. Yet the worst was while he was under the influence of the drug. Carlos had told him that he was almost out of control as he called for her to come to him, getting increasingly more aggressive when he realized she wasn’t coming.

It had become so bad that he’d had to be restrained while under the influence because he was a danger both to himself and to those around him.

Simply put, without her, he wasn’t whole, and he never would be.

From the beginning, Raf had told Carlos that his goal was to get his beloved back. Everything he was doing was for Lucero’s sake. And though he’d wanted to go back for her earlier, Carlos had repeatedly told him he wasn’t ready.

Of course, Raf wouldn’t hear of it. So he’d strained himself until he’d needed to be hospitalized. Time and time again, until finally, he’d had to agree that he couldn’t help Lucero in his condition. If he wanted to save her, he needed to be at his strongest, otherwise he would not only get himself killed, but her as well. And he wouldneverrisk her safety.

As such, Raf had embarked on an arduous program to get into peak physical condition. Carlos had set a benchmark for stamina and strength, and Raf was well on his way to get to that level.

“We’ve talked about this before, Raf. You won’t solve anything if you push yourself too hard.”

“The days are passing,” Raf sighed, threading his fingers through his hair. “You don’t realize what knowing she’s there, potentially in danger, does to me. I live in terror that I might not get there in time. That something might happen to her and…”

“You said she worked for the mistress of the house. Surely that should keep her safe…”

“Safe from others, but what about themistress?” Raf spat the word out. “She’s the one who hurt her, Carlos. Shescarredher,” he said, remembering the indentations he’d felt on her skin those few times he’d been able to touch her. God, but just the memory of those precious instances were enough to make him breathless with longing.

Carlos pursed his lips.

“You have your test at the end of the week. If you pass, we’re going in,” he added reluctantly.

Raf’s eyes widened.

“You mean that?”

Carlos nodded.

“I promised you. And despite my strict requirements, know that I’m aware of what it means to lose the love of your life. It’s something I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. But at the same time, I can’t in good conscience send you out there while you’re not ready. I’d just be sending you to your death. So prove to me you’re ready, and we’ll plan the intervention.”

Raf’s lips curled into a smile.

“Thank you,” he told Carlos from the bottom of his heart.

Wait for me, Lucero. I’m coming for you. And I’ll destroy anyone who stands in my way.

twenty-eight

---