Page 10 of Carved in Scars

“Other part?”

I think I already forgot what we were talking about.

“I’ll find out what brings you joy.”

I stay there, locked in eye contact with him, for a minute before the bell rings. Then, wordlessly, I pack my bag and walk toward the door. He’s still in his seat, slouched in the chair, smiling like he knows he got to me when I make a break for it. I don’t reply when he tells me he’ll see me later as I walk out the door.

I think I may have made a mistake. Maybe he’ll recognize his own before I need to worry about how to take mine back.

I race to my locker after fourth period, quickly dumping my things inside before heading to the cafeteria. Maybe part of it is to avoid Devon in the hall, but mostly, it’s just my routine. If I’m quick, I can be one of the first ones into the lunch room, pick up a few extras, and then toss them in my backpack when my friends aren’t looking.

As luck would have it, I am about the tenth person in line. I take my tray, pick up a couple of muffins and an extra milk, and stuff them into my bag after I pay at the register. I sit down at the usual table alone and start eating. Darci and Audrey walk in and sit beside me with their diet sodas. Only Morgan and the guys ever go through the line and get food.

“How does your skin look like that when you eat like this?” Audrey says, watching me scarf down the sad excuse for a cheeseburger.

I only shrug and keep chewing.

“You look like a porcelain doll,” Trevor says, sitting down next to me, flanked by Luke and Justin.

“Well, I’m no doll,” I reply, my tone overtly harsh.

I’m not a toy—certainly not his—and I would have broken a long time ago if I were fragile.

He sighs and shakes his head, visibly frustrated. “I was just being nice, Ally.”

I’m about to tell him that I don’t need his brand of nice, but quickly reel it back in and turn my attention back to the sad cheeseburger. After a few seconds of silence, Luke changes the subject, and everyone moves on. I finish my food quickly, then return my tray to the kitchen and head back to my seat.

“He’s texting me again,” Darci says when I sit back down.

“Who?”

“The older guy I was with—the one I hadn’t heard from for a while.”

“The college guy?” I ask

“Yeah,” she says. “He says he misses me. He wants to see me soon.”

“Are you going to go?” Audrey asks. “I mean, he blew you off for weeks, right?”

“Yeah, but he had a good reason,” she says. “And this is different. I told you guys. This is like…real.”

At this point, Trevor drapes his arm around my shoulders while he absentmindedly scrolls on his phone. I don’t want to make a scene, so I let it sit there, even though my skin is crawling. I figure I can make an excuse to get up and leave in a couple of minutes. I go back to listening to my friends’ conversation, feigning interest while ignoring the weight on my shoulders.

But then, he starts whistling. And he keeps whistling.

My breath comes short. I dig my nails into my thighs, but through my tights, it isn’t enough to take the edge off. I grit myteeth, and when my eyes start to water, I push away from the table, grab my bag, and leave without saying a word.

“Hey, where are you going?” Trevor says to my back. I don’t answer, determined to make my exit through the impossibly loud cafeteria.

I need to find a quiet place.Alone.And I need to get there before everyone witnesses one of my full-blown meltdowns.

I turn into the bathroom but quickly double back out when I spot a group of girls in front of the mirror, talking and waiting for their friend to finish her makeup. I continue down the hallway and then into the empty gym, where I duck under the bleachers.

I fumble with shaky hands through my bag for my sketchbook and charcoal pencils.

It’s okay. You’re fine. He’s not here.

I manage to find both, open the book, and just barely touch the pencil to the paper when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I react before I think.

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