Page 26 of Secret Baby for the Bratva Boss

“I wouldn’t suggest it otherwise.”

I sigh, and the sound comes out tremulous, shaky, betraying just how nervous I really am about all of this. I hate that I’m not strong enough to mask my worry around him right now, but Isuppose it’s safer if he knows. “You really have to get married? Your family can force you?”

“More or less.” He watches me with incredulous eyes, reading my body, analyzing the inflection in my now tight voice. “You’re considering it.”

“You didn’t give me much of a choice.”

“I can’t. I shouldn’t, Kat. In another world, maybe. But in this one…your life is in danger. I know it seems counter-intuitive, that to marry me would be more dangerous—but it changes everything. Itwouldchange everything. Your value. Your status. I know it feels cheap and wrong…but trust that I would not do anything to endanger you, if it could be prevented.”

I watch him right back, trying to read the unspoken words in his eyes, in his face, the set of his mouth. He’s beautiful, especially post-orgasm, his hair tousled as his head rests on the pillow, his lips still rosy and puckered from the intense kisses we shared. When I reach for him, he says nothing, only studies me as my eyes dance away from his, letting me trace his lips, dragging my fingers down to his hard jaw that ticks with tension as I look to him.What is he hiding in that mind of his?

“Why?” I finally ask, feeling the weight of the question fall from my chest. It has to be asked, and I can guarantee that he won’t freely tell me unless I directly inquire. “Why do you care what happens to me, Aleks?”

I don’t know what I was expecting—maybe something warm or sentimental, or maybe even something romantic after what we just did. After what we just shared, together. But what I get is what I should have seen coming: the cold, mundane, sterile truth.

“You are my responsibility,” he says simply. “And vulnerable as you are right now, and independent as you are right now—you are also a liability.”

I flinch, sucking in a harsh, silent breath, but there’s no danger of Aleks seeing my unintentionally visceral reaction, because he is already getting up, stepping back into his pants that made their way onto the floor at some point, pulling his shirt back on over his head. What the hell am I supposed to say to that? He wants this exchange to be utilitarian—he marries me to protect me and my son, and I marry him to get him out of some political bullshit he’d rather not deal with? Is that all I’m worth to him?

This is all we are. This is all we’ll ever be, and all of those moments of tenderness and romance and God forbid—love, are bullshit.A slip in judgement. A lapse.

I feel tears sting my eyes as the realization hits me. I wasn’t special to him, not the way he was to me. And to indulge in that fantasy for as long as I have is just embarrassing. What the hell was I expecting?

“Sleep, Kat,” Aleks says quietly from across the room, raking a hand through his dark hair, failing to tame it. He turns to look at me, feeling a million miles away. Feeling so different from the way he had minutes before. I look away, unable to bear his gaze. I feel indecent. Used. “We will deal with all of this in the morning.”

When he leaves and closes the door behind him, though, I can’t bear it. I can’t bear the feeling of his absence. The silence that has overtaken my room is deafening, stagnant and sticky with uncertainty. The way that the quiet swells and beats like a giant, unrelenting heart, the way it rises to a roar like thunder in my ears. I can’t bear it. I can’t lie here, with his scent still on me, his sweat slicking my body, the smell of his cologne dusting over the sheets of my bed. I can barely breathe in this room, in his presence, with him in my fucking life. I need air. I need just a scrap of goddamn freedom.

I get dressed quickly, not bothering to head to the bath to clean up. I just need to get out of this room, which went from a place of solace to a prison of memories that I longed to get away from. I arm my pistol and slide a spare magazine into my jacket. And then I open the window, and slip out onto the roof, into the rain, into the night. Into the dark, dangerous world of freedom.

And I don’t look back.

***

I do love the property. By night, by moonlight. In the sun, in every season.

And I know it all much better than Aleks’s men. They’re easy enough to avoid, which should give me a good reason to fear for my safety. But all has been so quiet since they arrived. I can’t really blame them for being lax. Maybe that’s just the part of me that doesn’t trust anyone but myself. That’s why I left Aleks in the first place, and moved here to look after and raise my son alone.

How soon can I get back to that life, back to those days?

Will I ever?

Marriage…

I make my way through the dark, wet trees. It’s raining, but it’s a quiet rain, like a sprinkling haze, and it whispers on all the boughs, heavy with their coloring leaves. There’s an old treehouse out here, that I discovered after I bought the property. It’s one of the first things on my list to rebuild and repair. It’s so dilapidated that I haven’t let Adam anywhere near it, despite his protests. And I told him as soon as I had the time, I’d fix it up for him; make it a special castle, a getaway from the rest of the world.

Another promise I have yet to see through. And now, who knows if it will ever come to fruition.

But despite my warnings to my son, I’ve found the treehouse to be a comfort and an escape for myself. Sometimes I’ll bringa beer out here after a long day, or a book when I have a spare half-hour and Adam is still at daycare or with my mom or James. It’s peaceful out here.

During the day, that is. In the wet, in the dark, with the reek of danger still hanging like gun smoke in the air, the treehouse is a bit less welcoming than usual. I find myself checking constantly over my shoulder, flinching at every rush of the wind and snap of a twig. But it seems I am alone out here after all.

I creep up the ladder, which creaks at intervals under my sneakers. I’m using the light on my phone now to guide my way, after picking my way cautiously through the dark in the woods so as not to give away my position to Aleks’s men. When I reach the top, I sink down in the corner of the treehouse that I’ve found to be most sturdy. Part of the roof is intact here, too, so I’m at least shielded a bit from the rain.

But the solitude doesn’t give me as much peace as I thought it would. Instead, I just feel more than ever like crying. I wrap my arms around my knees, bringing them up to my chest and burying my face. I haven’t really had a moment to myself to just let the stress of this whole messy situation wash over me—now I do.

I feel my shoulders begin to shake, and swallow the soft sound of my sobs.Adam. I fucked up. I’m a fuck-up. I’m a terrible parent, a terrible mother.Like always, I don’t know what to do, or where to go from here. It seems I always wind up like this—somehow, on my own.

But what if I didn’t have to be?I chew my cheek, wiping away my tears. Is it true, that marrying Aleks could keep me and my son safe? Safer than we are now?

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