Page 31 of Expecting in Oceans

“No. But that won’t last for long.”

Ari thrust his arm out in front of me, halting me in my tracks. A long red centipede scuttled across the hardwood floor.

“I come from the mountains, Ari,” I said. “Insects don’t bother me.”

He deftly picked up the centipede behind its head, firm enough so that it couldn’t bite him, but gentle enough not to harm it. Its body curled around his hand as it struggled to get free. I wouldn’t admit it out loud, but I was pleased by his restraint. I didn’t like seeing creatures killed unnecessarily.

“This is a venomous red mu’ukade. Not an issue normally, but you’re pregnant.” He tossed the bug into the courtyard.

“Thank you for reminding me,” I said.

“You have to be much more careful. You could hurt the baby.”

“You don’t need to tell me that, Ari. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

He exhaled sharply but didn’t say anything more.

I hadn’t seen the centipede before he’d stopped me, and though I knew I would’ve spotted it before getting into trouble, I felt deeply embarrassed. Who the hell was he to suggest I was putting myself in danger? To insinuate that I wasn’t being responsible?

I simmered as we walked, my embarrassment quickly turning to anger. Ari led me to the far side of the house where the guest bedrooms were and opened the door to the room with whales carved around its frame, the biggest one in the house.

“I prepared a change of clothes for you if you’d like,” he said. “I’ll be in my office. Let me know if you need anything.”

And then he was gone.

I stood alone in the huge room, my mind still seething over what had happened. Why was I so damn upset?

The room had a door that opened to the outside, so I opened it and stood on the raised patio shaded by banana trees and plumeria that framed the crater rim of mountains at the edge of the estate. I stared out at that teeming jungle and was suddenly hit with the need torun.

I grabbed the bamboo railing and vaulted over, dropping several feet to the ground in a soft landing, then bolted across the grass and left the house behind me.

My head was a mess of thoughts, none of them coherent. The incident with the centipede had cut something loose I’d been wrestling to contain since the moment Eli confirmed I was pregnant, and now it was bursting up inside of me like angry roots trying to rip me apart.

Now I was in the air, in my dragon form, hardly aware that I’d shifted. The mountain ridge was all I was focused on, and wanting to be inside that jungle and feel the embrace of something somewhat familiar. I didn’t want to go home, where I’d have to face the unknown of putting my situation before the clan, and I didn’t want to be here, either.

I felt so alone. I didn’t know what I was thinking when I decided to come to the main house. I should’ve gone back to the guest house, where at least I had Visir. And yet, even though I could fly there in no time at all, I didn’t want to do that either.

I was thinking with my cock, that’s what it was. That was the problem.

The jungle reached out to swallow me up. The thick, waxy leaves flailed around me, whipping against my scales as I descended to the dark floor on a swirling pocket of wind. I returned to human form, and my bare feet sank into the dense layer of detritus covering the ground. Birds screeched and fluttered through the canopy, frightened by my arrival. I stood in a puddle of sunlight and waited for calm to return to my surroundings, and soon the whir and buzz of insects and the distant rush of water filled the air.

Being amongst trees was calming, but this wasn’t Silver Mountain. The T’Wanu jungle was a disorienting mixture of familiar and unknown. I walked forward, going wherever my feet decided to take me, but I was alert and cautious of where I stepped.

I was moving towards the sound of the water, and soon I found a stream that broke into three large dark pools filled by the gentle flow carving through moss-covered boulders. Insects buzzed in and out of the light like blinking stars. It was nothing like home, but it was beautiful. I crouched amongst the leaves and dipped my hand into the water, and I saw my face on the glassy surface.

I’m pregnant. I’m having a baby, and I’m on my own.

Yes, I’d never planned to have a clutch of my own—but even so, this wasn’t how I would’ve wanted it to happen. I would’ve wanted it to be for love, with an alpha I’d chosen as my mate. Funny, seeing how neither of those things had mattered at all to me before.

I felt like a complete idiot as tears began to roll down my face. I guess I hadn’t felt the weight of it all until that moment, and it was suddenly very heavy. I was a Protector, I was supposed to be able to bear this kind of weight, not immediately buckle.

“Come on, Istil,” I muttered, sniffling as I stared at my pathetic reflection. “Get it together. Get it together.”

I allowed myself to feel every emotion that wanted to flow through me, and they came in waves of startling intensity. Where was my control? I realized it had to be the pregnancy. I was feeling its effects whipping me around like a leaf in the wind.

“So you’re going to be like that?” I muttered to my involuntary passenger as I placed my hand on my stomach. “Give me a break. You’re going to be stuck there for a while.”

How long was a while, anyway? Ordinarily, a forest dragon might birth an egg within four months, but this wasn’t ordinary. This was a little half-sea dragon. No egg. Just a baby. A baby that was going to fall right out of me, whole.

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