Page 94 of 5000 Nights of Obsession

HowJayspoke aboutKat—honoring her memories and letting her have a part of him without letting it consume him—suddenly gave me hope for a brighter future. “Youmake it sound so easy about how you got through it.”

Hestraightened, grabbing our now empty dishes and placing them on the tray. “Itwasn’t easy, butIhad no choice.Toomany people rely on me.Ican’t afford to be selfish and wallow in my sorrows.”

Ididn’t understandJay.Hewas so damn rich and was considered royalty in my community.Yethe couldn’t even properly grieve because his ‘subjects’ were counting on him.Lifehad dealt him some bad cards, but he had no complaints and was perfectly content with life.

Ilooked at him thoughtfully, my eyes locked on his regal face.Jaywas a king, but a lonely one,Isurmised.

Ididn’t know what made me do it, except thatIremembered the day in the diner whenJaygrasped my hand whenIfelt the loneliest in the world.He’dheld my hand, and suddenly,Iwasn’t so alone anymore.

Ireached out and grabbedJay’shands, taking them into my own.Jay’ssurprise was warranted sinceIhad never initiated contact.Iknew immediately that no one had comforted this man before.Moreso,IknewIwanted to comfort him again.

Jaystared at our interconnected hands and said, “I’mused to having this photo on my desk, but if it bothers you—”

“No,”Isaid instantaneously.Ishook my head firmly. “Iunderstand how much she meant to you.Shewas your family.”

Jaytilted his head and spoke as clearly as day, “Youare my family now.”

Thesentence stumped me, moving me so deeply thatIcouldn’t speak for several moments.

Youare my family now.

Thereit was;Jayhad put it in simple yet profound terms.Iwas his family now, and he was mine.Justlike that, we had become each other’s everything and came above everyone else in this world.

Itsuddenly dawned on me that the thingsDadiwanted for me had come true.Trust, respect, and life with a man deserving of me.

ItrustedJayand shared the news of my pregnancy with him before anyone else.

Webought this house together to raise our family and build a life.

Thesimple fact thatJaywas willing to box away the great love of his life for my sake solidified the last factor for me.Respect.

AcamaraderieIhad never experienced withJaysurged within me, and for the first time since our wedding,Istarted to understand the power of marriage.Theconnection.Thebond.Weatheringthe worst storms together.Jayhad agreed to raise another man’s baby without a second thought and had gone to great lengths to ensure my comfort.Hehad asked for nothing in return, which was whyIsuddenly wanted to do everything for him.

“Thereis one thing you could do for me,”Iwhispered.

“What’sthat?”

Beforewe married,Jayhad mentioned the expectations that came from marrying into theAmbanifamily, expectations that even he couldn’t reject.TheAmbaniswere part of a system, abiding by a set of unspoken rules.However,Jayalso told me that ifIwished,Ididn’t have to partake in the community more than necessary.Ihad finally made my decision about the matter.

“Canyou teach me everything there is no know about being anAmbaniwife?”

* * *

Afterthat day inJay’soffice, everything changed for the better.Insteadof fighting the thoughts circulatingAxel,Isubmerged myself in them.Everynight,Idreamt of him.Everymorning,Ilet myself relive thirty minutes of cherished memories.

Dancingin a club.

Eatingjumbo slice pizza.

Fireworkson the beach.

Walkingaround a fire.

Ididn’t deny myself any longer, butIdid limit myself.Iunderstood whatJaymeant about not letting yourself drown.Icould live hours and days and weeks and years drowning inAxel.It’dbe selfish whenIhad others relying on me.

Instead,Ifocused on my role as a wife and a soon-to-be-mother.Wewere the perfect couple in front of others and announced the pregnancy to our families, which brought many joyous tears.Wewere also the perfect couple behind closed doors and started being intimate.

Wespent the first year of our marriage getting to know one another and building our friendship.Aftera few weeks into our marriage,Iwas touched to find my picture onJay’sdesk next toKat’s.Afew months later,Ifound a picture ofPoppy’sultrasound inJay’sdesk drawer.Asthe months passed, more pictures joined the collection, especially oncePoppyentered our lives.

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