“Don’t do that to yourself,” he said firmly. “That’s in your head. Did you ever stop to think it’s only your mother that you’re judging everyone else on?”
“I know that but can’t get out of my own head at times. And I guess, I just wanted to feel. I reacted. I came here to you. I used you. When we were done it hit me I did it again.”
The fight they’d had years ago when he thought the same thing.
He’d used those words.
It was different this time.
“Elise. You had a bad day and you needed to feel good. That isn’t using like you think. If you’d come in the door and said you had a shitty day and just wanted to see me naked and take your mind off it, I would have done the same thing I did. Then when we were done I would have talked to you and asked if you felt better. It would have been up to you to tell me the details, but we could have avoided all of this if you were honest.”
“I was last night,” she said. “I was honest when I said it was a mistake. It felt it at the time.”
“It’s not a mistake and don’t say that again. You’re not your mother. You’re not your father or your brother. You’re Elise Kennedy. You’re strong, confident, sarcastic, witty and confusing as all hell. But you’re the one I want. I just want you to be truthful and talk to me. Nothing more. I don’t think that is too much to ask for, is it?”
18
HAD SOME HOPE
Talk about feeling as if she was cut down to an inch tall.
“Can I get a drink of water?” she asked. Her throat was closing up as much as Gabe’s decision to put his fist through the wall last night.
“Sure,” he said.
He got up and got her a bottle out of the fridge and she took a few deep breaths while his back was turned.
She’d laid it all out for him and he understood.
He didn’t judge her.
He didn’t laugh at her.
He told her that he wanted her the way she was in the end.
He even stood up for her.
Imagine that.
“Thanks,” she said, taking it. “I’m sorry about last night. You’re one hundred percent right. I can’t get out of my own way half the time and my mother is the big rig chasing me down at night with the headlights bright in my face.”
“Close your eyes then,” he said. “Get off the road. I know it’s easy to say but easier to do if you believe in yourself. You always came off as the person that did.”
“Except when it comes to this,” she said. Elise hated to say that and never had to to anyone else. Not even her father, but she was positive he knew and even understood.
“I’m not going to let you get in your way when it comes to us. Remember, this is Vegas. I was pissed last night. I saw everything slipping away again and couldn’t for the life of me figure out why. You say you beat yourself up over things like your father. Well, I did the same thing years ago. I’ve lived with the guilt that I said stupid shit to you because I made assumptions.”
“You apologized a few times,” she said. “I told you I wasn’t using you.”
“I figured that out after. I guess you could say that though you had demons you lived with, I did too. Not the same though. Nothing like you experienced.”
“Just women wanted that pretty girly face of yours?” she asked, grinning. It was the first true grin she had.
He had these dimples when he smiled. His light blue eyes against his brown hair stood out. He would have been a stunning woman but was a gorgeous guy.
The growth of beard that he had more often than not hid his dimples now, but his piercing eyes were staring at hers.
He squinted one and then laughed. “Something like that.”