Page 11 of Dearly Betrayed

“Do we have to talk about this right now?” I swirl my drink. “Where are the kids? I want to see them.”

“With nannies while the wives are out having a little get-together.” Conlan sighs dramatically. “God help Atlantic City with those three running around together.”

“How’s Mother doing?” I ask, trying to change the subject. I’d rather talk about anything but Fallon with these two nosy pricks.

“She’s fine. Tell us about the girl.” Conlan doesn’t bite on my distraction, which means he’s not letting me off easy.

I grunt, annoyed we’re doing this, but fine, I can’t avoid it. My brothers will dig and dig until I spill everything. “She hates me. I hate her. It’s about what I expected.”

“Was she attractive?” Erick asks.

“She’s not my type.” Which is a complete and utter lie. Physically, at least. Mentally? Spiritually? Those are other matters entirely.

Conlan squints in my face. “You sure? I detect some twitches, almost as if you’re being less than truthful.”

“I’m positive. Much too pale.” Skin like silky cream, if I’m being honest with myself. I wave Conlan back. “And her hair’s way too red.” Auburn, actually, and it caught the meager outdoors light, shining slightly around her beautiful face like a halo of fire.

Fucking hell, she’s turning me poetic. It’s the worst.

“What did you say to her?” Erick’s still looking at me, giving me that penetrating stare. The guy can see into my damn soul sometimes and it drives me crazy.

“Nothing.” I swirl my drink. “Just the truth.” I take a sip. “That we’re fake and will never be anything but fake.”

Conlan groans. “Come on, man, that was the first time you met your future wife and you say that shit?”

“Bad move,” Erick agrees.

“I get it, you don’t want to marry her, but be reasonable.” Conlan leans over and snatches my drink away. He drains it with a glare. “You’re stuck with her. You might as well try to make it work.”

I signal for a refill and seethe. He’s right, but I don’t like hearing it. “You don’t understand. Your parts of the family have been at peace. You don’t get what it was like over there.”

I hunch over my whiskey when it arrives. Neither of them speaks for a little while, because they know I’m right. Erick runs the Vegas properties, while Conlan’s got the West Coast hotels. There’s no killing going on in the States, at least nothing serious.

They didn’t lose friends and soldiers. They didn’t live with death for two long, hard years, only to get asked to marry one of the enemy.

“You’re right, we don’t know,” Conlan says at last, sounding subdued. “You know we’re here if you want to talk about the bad shit. Even though we’re supposed to act like big strong men, at least we can deal with it together. But all that doesn’t change your situation. Unless you plan on getting out of the deal, which will seriously piss off Adler in a really bad way, you’re going to marry that girl in a few days. There’s no reason to start your marriage like this.”

“He’s right,” Erick mutters. “Minus talking. I’m not interested.”

I punch Erick’s arm, which only makes him shrug, then rub my face with both hands. How am I supposed to explain to them that I still hear the last breath rattle from Jackson’s chest? And when she’s around, my dead best friend is all I can think about? Like a ghost sitting at the edge of my bed, watching.

“It doesn’t matter now,” I tell them, resigned. “We had the meeting. It didn’t go well. Can we move on?”

Conlan exchanges a look with Erick, which annoys me to no end, but they eventually let me off the hook and talk about their families.

The conversation turns to diapers, no sleep, morning cuddles, and children’s stories. It’s strange, these two dangerous men turning to pieces because of a few children, but it’s not something I’ll ever experience. That isn’t for me, that future. At least I can listen to my brothers banter about being fathers, and I can ignore the strange hole in my chest filled with a yearning I didn’t know I could feel.

I’ve had girls. Plenty of girls. If I want to fuck, I can find someone to fuck. There have been relationships, but none that lasted more than a few weeks at most, none that really mattered.

But now I’m thirty-five and all my siblings have their partners and their kids. I’ve watched them from a distance form their family units, grow into real fucking adults, mature into parenthood, and a part of me wants something like that.

I know it’ll never happen. I’m marrying Fallon, and nothing’s going to change our relationship from a sham into what my brothers all have. She’ll always hate me, and I’ll always hate her, and I can forget about little redheaded babies running around.

It’s better off this way.

We share a few drinks, but soon Erick’s got to head back to check on his kid. He sidles off after patting my shoulder, leaving me alone with Conlan, who studies the bottom of his empty glass before squinting at me.

“You’re going to fuck this up, aren’t you?”

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