Page 48 of Dearly Betrayed

“I don’t know. The start of something good? I just paint stuff, dude. Go talk to a relationship counselor. See you!” With that, Hellie exits, and I watch my brothers and their families get packed into private cars before they’re driven to the airport.

Adler’s waiting in the lobby. Casey limps off with a wave, headed for the high-rollers area and an afternoon of dealing.

“Happy they’re gone?” he asks me.

“Not really.”

“I thought you would be since now you’ll have four fewer people getting into your business.”

“They mean well.” I glance back toward the doors. “But sometimes it feels like we’re in different worlds.”

“You went through something.” Adler squeezes my shoulder. “You’re still dealing with it.”

“She is too. She’s still mourning her father, and I don’t think she’ll get past that anytime soon.”

“You can still try.” He lets me go. “You know how I was with Casey.”

“Yep. Unhinged.”

“I was obsessed.” He gives me a hard stare. “I couldn’t get her out of my head. It was like a disease, but I kept telling myself that I was doing her a favor by keeping my distance, as if I would hurt her simply by being a part of her life. And you know what happened in the end?”

“You hurt her simply by being a part of her life?”

He punches my arm. “Basically, but don’t ruin my punchline. The point I’m making is we don’t always know what’s the best thing, and all we can do is try. You like this girl, right?”

“I never said that.”

“Come on. You complained about her constantly right up until the wedding, but since then you’ve barely said a word.”

“I’ll admit to some fondness.”

“Good. Nurture that feeling. She’s your wife now.”

“It’d be nice if one Costa brother could have a normal relationship.”

His eyebrows raise. “Do you know of another Costa brother? Otherwise, I think that ship has sailed.”

“Fair point. Alright, since you’ve all made it clear that I need to try harder, I will put in an effort.”

Even if a part of me still doesn’t want to. The guilt-ridden, grieving part.

“Good. Okay. This has been really fun and you know how much I love discussing your personal relationships, but I have work to do.”

“If you don’t want to hear about Fallon, you could always let us move back to London.”

“Nice try.” He walks off, leaving me alone in the lobby, thinking about my wife.

The way she looked at me in our bedroom as I told her the story of Jackson.

I left out the most important part, the piece of the story that has me waking up at night caked in sweat: those killers came for me. I should’ve been the one dead, and instead, Jackson died protecting me. He saved my life but I couldn’t save his.

And now being with her feels like a betrayal of that sacrifice.

Which is why that littlefondnessI admitted to is like a cancer eating me up from the inside.

I like the girl. I want the girl. The more time I spend with her, the more I want to dominate and take my wife as my own.

And that makes me feel sick.

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