Page 137 of Unforgiving Sinner (Starukhin Bratva)

I take a swallow of my watery drink. “Their war is mine. No matter what, the Lanzzare are our enemies, and Zakhar has been working alongside them ever since Eden’s arrival.”

“Kolya, the old generation is gone.” Larissa inhales deeply. “Don’t throw your life or Eden’s life away for them.”

For a moment, I stare at Larissa. The instant I think of Eden, I want her again. But I’m not sure I’m strong enough to resist the siren call at the top of the spiral stairs.

Larissa sinks back into the couch, but her gaze rests on the gray sky out the window. “Have you forgotten what Gunsyn and Alexander did, Nikolai?” Larissa’s question brings back my focus. “What Ippolit tried to do?”

I can’t have this conversation with Eden, but I can have it with Larissa.

“I haven’t forgotten, and I don’t trust them.” The words are both liberating and damning.

“Yet you hold them near you.” Larissa sits up, and her attention is on me. “Why?” Larissa’s tone is harsh. “They’re old, arrogant men who don’t respect you.”

“Theyknowsomething,” I reply. “And I won’t find out if I don’t keep them close,” I snap. “And whether I like it or not, I still need them.”

“Just promise me something, Kolya.” Larissa leans her head on my shoulder. “That your need for them won’t cause you to push what’s left of this family away.”

“I won’t, Lara.”

I look away, my eyes focusing on a photograph on the table. It’s an old picture of Matvei and me, taken as kids. In it, Matvei grins ear to ear, his arm wrapped around me as if he could shield me from the world. A pang of guilt shoots through me, but I mask it with a hard expression.

Larissa follows my gaze and picks up the photograph. “Matvei was always more.”

“Meaning?” I ask, furrowing my brow.

“His love for us was unquestionable,” she answers, “but his capacity for violence was greater than any force.”

“Everyone has their demons,” I whisper, knowing I have my own.

“True,” Larissa concedes. “But deep down, we both know that there was only one way his path would have ended.”

“Maybe,” I admit reluctantly. “But if only I had been there instead of him …”

“It wouldn’t have mattered.” Larissa sighs as she pulls away from me. “You can be violent, Kolya, but it doesn’t drive you. Not like it did him.” She pauses. “Where is Eden?”

“She’s upstairs.”

Larissa stands and tilts her chin. “Good. I’m going to go and talk sense into her too.”

67

EDEN

The rain strikesthe massive window, and each drop reminds me of the storm I’m facing alone. The room feels too small with the drapes closed, so I leave them open to let the storm outside keep me company. The room flashes each time the lightning strikes, and I shiver. I feel cold, even though it’s warm inside.

I can’t stop thinking about Nikolai—and what I want to tell him. But I can’t. Even if he loves me, I can’t. I fidget with the hem of my dress, trying to find the words to express the gnawing feeling inside me ever since Nikolai showed me our rings.

It’s really going to happen.

There are three quick knocks on my door. “Come in,” I say.

Larissa smiles as she enters. Though I’m happy to see her, I wish it was him.

She closes the door behind her securely and then hugs me. Her touch is warm and comforting, the only respite from the hideous thoughts flooding my imagination.

Larissa sits in the chair opposite mine. Dominika finally got tired of trying to convince me to stay in the living room and added a second chair so I wouldn’t sit in bed all day. I liked being in the kitchen, but it made the staff nervous.

Funny, once upon a time, they made me nervous too.

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