Nathan comes slowly around the corner of the pool, stopping far enough away to drain the rest of the whiskey bottle. Then he sits down unsteadily on the edge, dangling his feet in the water.
“You should come in,” he says. “It’ll make you feel better.”
“Better?” I question. But something draws me to the edge, where I sit beside my villainous husband, close enough to reach out and touch him. I’m always afraid of him, but right now, I’m not. It’s as if, in this room, we’re existing in a dream. The water is warm on my legs as I dangle them over the side. As I stare into the middle of the pool.
As I remember.
“I haven’t been in here since she died,” I say brokenly. “Not once.”
I think back to that night as Nathan moves his hand over to mine, grasping it. “Maybe that’s a good thing,” he says. I don’t pull away. I feel like, for once, I’m seeing beyond the crazy, into the black heart of the man I once loved and trusted like a brother.
And I don’t know why, but I take my hand away from his and put it to his back, lightly tracing the scars that criss-cross his flesh. “Who did this to you?” I ask quietly.
Nathan doesn’t respond. Doesn’t look at me. He slips into the pool, turning to face me with one hand outstretched. “You should come in,” he repeats.
I look down at my pajamas, indecision warring inside me. I could be in real danger here, alone in the dark with a drunken psychopath. But he thinks I’m pregnant with his baby. He screamed at the chef for preparing raw fish in the same kitchen as my asparagus omelet, he’s so worried about anything happening to his offspring. And he’s off his guard. Shrugging out of my dressing gown, I slip into the pool in my silk camisole and shorts. The water is delicious… slightly higher than body temperature, it feels like I’m floating effortlessly. I let my toes touch the bottom, the water coming to just below my shoulders. Nathan pulls me closer, setting his hands on my hips as we stand there, almost eye to eye. This feels …otherworldly.
“Where did you find her?” Nathan asks. I know what he means.
I swallow thickly. “Right here, where we’re standing.”
He nods sadly, his hands pulling me closer, until I’m trapped in his firm embrace. He’s gentle, though, and for some reason, I’m still not scared. I’m not even really all here. I’m back at the night Addy drowned in this very spot, piecing together hazy memories, a growing suspicion filling my mind.
The party.
The drugs that knocked me out.
The rape.
Rome, bursting into the room just as Tyler was hovering over my semi-conscious form.
Rome, almost killing Tyler.
Rome, dragging me out of that room, Tyler’s blood all over him, carrying me to his car, getting me the fuck away.
Rome, taking care of me. Showering me. Giving me food and coffee and urging me to go to the police.
Rome, driving me home after I refused to report my own rape for fear my father would be angry with me for involving law enforcement in the family business.
I reach further into my memory. It’s hard, because I’ve blocked so much out. But what I remember is coming home, going straight to my bedroom… and finding Nathan in my bed.
I found him shivering, his face pale, his damp, dark hair stuck to his forehead.
I found him wet. Fully clothed, in my bed. Soaked through. His clothes had already wet the sheets through to the mattress.
Don’t get the bed wet.Scolding. Sharp. I was still shaken.Nathan, get up. Get some dry clothes on. What are you doing?I remember being so angry.I’d been drugged and raped and I was fucking exhausted and all I wanted was to pass out in my own bed. But I couldn’t, because Nathan was in there, andoh my god.
Why are you wet? I’d asked him.I fell in the pool. His pupils had been huge and dark. Drugs? I didn’t care that night. I didn’t care enough to stay and make sure he got out of the bed. It’s the only reason I realized Adeline was missing. Nathan was in my bed, so I staggered to her bedroom, wanting to lay down beside my sister in a dry bed, so she could hug me and stroke my hair and tell me everything was going to be okay.
But she wasn’t there. Adeline wasn’t in her bed.
So I went searching the house. That’s when I found her.
Adeline. Dead in the pool. This pool.
Adeline drowned in the pool.
Nathan, shivering, soaked to the skin.