“Let go of me.” I spat out the words at him as I tried to wrench myself out of his touch. I was on the ground and he was above me, his movements off as my eyes adjusted to the lighting.
A smile crept onto his face. I wondered why I had ever taken that job at PGI. Was it worth it now? To me, no.
“You’re just as beautiful as you were before…” A finger skimmed down the side of my face, and I almost turned my head to bite it off. I wanted to hurt him. To gouge his beady fucking eyes out. He deserved whatever pain I could give him, but instead of biting, I sneered at him.
“And you’re just as revolting as I remember.” I glared at him, praying that God would slam his fist down on him taking his miserable life. His hand slipped from my throat to my chin where he gripped it painfully hard. I could feel the tears welling behind my eyes but forced them down. I wouldn’t cry for this fool. It’s what he wanted. To break me, to hurt me. As If I hadn’t been hurt enough.
“I think you have forgotten who you’re talking to, forgotten who it is that controls you, who allows you to live when you shouldn’t even be breathing right now.” I numbed myself to the pain, crawling back into my mind.
“I miss you. I miss you so fucking much, and you don’t even understand it. You told me you would protect me. That you would be here for me, and I don’t feel it. I don’t see you. All I feel is the darkness descending on me. Breaking me.”
“Listen to me.” Roger’s voice entered my mind, but I forced it away. I could feel his fingers digging into my skin.
“God, just take me. Take me to him. Let me see him again. Feel him.” I screamed the words as I beat against his headstone. He had no idea what he left me with.
“If you won’t give me what I want, I will just take it,” Roger screamed into my ear. His voice wasn’t a scream in my mind though; it was just a mere whisper. I forced myself from the present and into the past. Into the deepness… never wanting to come out.
“Open those creamy thighs for me.”
“I hate you. I hate what you’re doing to me. I hate that you left me when I needed you most. I hate that I miss your touch, your voice, your scent, and the way you made me feel like everything was okay. Why did you leave? Why?” I pleaded. My knees scraped across the stone. The pain wasn’t even registering in my mind because the real pain was in my chest. Eating away at me.
“Fucking you will be exactly as I thought it would be.” His voice repulsed me as he gripped my thighs. Why wasn’t I fighting him? Why didn’t I care enough to stop this?
“Why? Why?” I cried out over and over again. Find strength. Something echoed within me. Find strength. The word played over and over again.
“Are you wet for me?” he asked me, but I never answered. I wouldn’t. There was no hope. I had lost Diesel once again, and now I was going to lose what made me who I was.
“Fight him. Find it in you to fight him.” The voice shadowed everything else. It sounded like Diesel’s, but how could that be? He wasn’t here. My fingers ran over the engraved words, but I felt nothing. Air. I was going insane.
“I’m going to hurt you, Maggie. Rip you to pieces and treat you like the little whore that you are. If you loved that monster, then you can love me, too.” I could feel his fingers at my entrance. I wanted him to go away. I wanted it all to go away.
“Let go of her.” I knew that voice. Shocked out of my stupor, I turned to see my dad in the doorway of the room.How had he gotten in here?
“Or what, old man? You going to kill me?” Roger said unfazed by my father’s presence. I sat up pushing Roger’s hands away the best I could.
“No. I won’t kill you. There are a long line of people in this place who want a piece of you first, and I refuse to not give them the chance.” My father’s eyes burned into my face. I could tell he was scared, out of place. I was confused, and more than anything, hurting.
Don’t let him win. The voice was back.
“Then what the fuck is it you want, Richard, as you can see I’m busy with your daughter.” His eyes roamed up and down my body, probably finishing what my father had interrupted in his mind. How I had allowed his hand to stay in place on my leg I didn’t know. All I knew was when his attention turned back to my father, I then grabbed his hand and twisted it until I heard an audible crack.
He pulled away from me, his eyes wide, as pain construed his features. He reached for me with his other hand, and I slammed my palm into his shoulder shoving him out of the way.
“Never. Touch. Me. Again,” I screamed. I felt like I was going crazy, my mind gone. I was a monster on a path of destruction. I saw the syringe in my father’s hand, and I knew what I had to do. Roger scurried across the floor away from me as I ran across the room and grabbed the syringe from my father. I had a mission to fulfill—a reason to live.
“I don’t want you to feel guilty about doing this, Maggie.” My father tried to reach me, but it was useless. I ignored him and uncapped the end of the syringe where the needle was.
“What’s in this, Dad?” I sneered. What was happening to me?
“L1.” Was all he said? L1, huh? I had been given that once before. It was a medication that knocked you out cold. Its side effects on those who weren’t sick were useless. Or so I had heard. That wouldn’t stop me from stabbing it into Roger’s arm. I crossed the room in ten steps and crouched down on my heels.
“You’ll regret fucking with me, Maggie. There are secrets that you will never understand and you will never hear if you do this. If you let them take me, you will never know.” I hesitated for a moment wondering what it was he could know that I didn’t. He was bluffing. He had to be. If whatever it was he thought I needed to know was so important, he would’ve told me instead of trying to rape me.
“I don’t believe you,” I hissed, stabbing him in the arm with the needle. I pushed at the end of the syringe injecting him with the L1. When he woke up next, he would be imprisoned, or better yet, beaten for all those he had hurt.
“You don’t understand, Maggie. You and Diesel are connected.” I stood, walking away from him. I didn’t want to hear his lies, his manipulation.
“I don’t believe you,” I screamed again. Then I turned to my father and saw the panic on his face. Why was he panicked?