Page 84 of All I Desire

Chapter Twenty-Three

NATALIA

It’s beena week since I’ve talked with Matthew. Well, sort of. It’s not like I’ve cut off all communication. We’ve texted in short bursts, mostly of the how are you doing and I’m well, thanksvariety.

He also messaged me a photo of a sign that said DANGER, ALLIGATOR with an alligator lying beneath it, and I texted one back of a bumper sticker that said WTF-Welcome to Florida.

It’s not that I don’t want to see him. I do. So much. I miss his humor, miss talking to him, miss his kisses. God, I miss sleeping in his arms. I practically ache every time I think about it. I’ve fallen in love with him, that’s for certain.

But something’s holding me back. A practical something. I need to decide whether I’m willing to run the risk of encountering Chad again if I stay with Matthew. It’s a bit of a Faustian bargain—a relationship with a perfect man in exchange for being part of a family that has been the source of my anguish.

There’s also Chloe to consider. If Matthew and I are really going to do this, have a relationship, I’ll be a part of her life, too. Am I ready for that?

And so, I’ve been silent. I go to work at the resort and teach my Bead and B*tch class. I attempt to work on a new necklace with some freshwater pearls, but I can’t focus for long enough to make it look right. I drink too much wine by myself on a few nights, sloppily telling Sin my thoughts. (Spoiler alert: Sin doesn’t care.)

I don’t tell any human about any of this. Not what happened at the party, not the conversation Matthew and I had afterward. I’m silent around Sadie and don’t spill to my family. Don’t want to color anybody’s opinion of Matthew, in case we end up working out as a couple.

Today I’m in my office, going over the final plans for the nudist — sorry, naturist — convention contract. At Max’s insistence, I’ve tacked on the extra cleaning charge they’d offered to pay. He seems to think that they’ll sweat all over every available surface.

The door swings open, and it’s my brother, Remy.

“Hey,” I say, barely looking up.

He hurls his big, tanned body into a chair on the other side of my desk and scoops some candy out of the glass bowl.

“Make yourself at home,” I say, not looking up from the spreadsheet on my computer.

“Hey sis, how’s it going?” he asks while chewing.

“Good. Busy.”

“How’s Matthew?”

“Good. Busy,” I repeat, then rub my lips together. What’s he doing, asking all these questions? “Shouldn’t you be out fishing?”

“I heard about what happened at his mom’s party.”

A startled zing goes through me and I finally look my brother in the eye. “Oh, you did, did you? How’s that?”

Remy’s chewing on his bottom lip, a sure sign that he’s nervous. “One of the caterers overheard some things. Well, and they saw Matthew punch Chad.”

I roll my eyes. “This freaking island. Seriously. Can’t a woman have privacy? Did you come here to tell me that everyone knows my business?”

“No. I came here to apologize.”

I rear back. “Huh? Why?”

“Look, don’t get angry. I know you’re on edge. I can feel the emotions coming off you in waves.” He holds his hands up.

“You know that’s a sure-fire way to get me mad.” My jaw hardens. Remy has always been my most pain-in-the-ass sibling. I love him like crazy, but lord, he can be annoying.

“A while back, I saw Chad. But I didn’t tell you.”

I narrow my eyes. “What? Where?”

“On the waterfront. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure it was him because he looked older and bigger. I figured it wasn’t worth telling you about it, at least that’s what Leilani said. I’d set up a hammock for us one afternoon when I saw him.”

I nod slowly.

---