Page 80 of All I Desire

“Whoa, bro. Jealous much?”

We’ve never been close, my half-brother and I, probably because as a kid I was angry that he got all of our mother’s attention. Or that Mother decided to live with him and his dad, instead of me and mine. I strongly resented him. But as the years passed, that faded into a simmering dislike.

Tonight, I regard him with a full boil of hatred. “What. Did. You. Do?”

“Why don’t you ask her? She was just as crazy about me as I was her.” I let him go and he brushes the front of his polo shirt with his palms. “Truthfully, bro, it started as a joke. I bet the guys on the football team that I could take her virginity—”

Pow. That’s all it takes for me to slam his face with my fist. A haze of pure, white fury clouds my vision in the seconds after I hit him. It was absolutely the wrong thing to do, but it felt so damned good.

“Don’t ever talk about her again. Don’t ever look at her. Prick.”

“I should press charges,” he whines, touching his fingers to his lip, which is bleeding.

“Go ahead,” I snarl, and walk out.

“Hey. I loved her after that,” he cries. “I did, in my own fucked-up way. Ask her. We were just messed up kids. It was nothing.”

I turn back. “Fuck you,” I spit.

I stalk out to the pool, where Chloe and Hailey are still lounging. Chloe’s earbuds are in and it looks like she’s playing her favorite game on her phone.

“Can you take her home in your rental car? I need to make a stop before I go back,” I say to my sister.

Hailey looks up, squinting. “Sure. Everything okay?”

Out the corner of my eye, I see Chad simpering over to Mother. “I just punched our brother, so I’ll let you decide.”

“Eep. Okay. Chloe, let’s get our stuff together,” Hailey says in a squeaky voice, scrambling to her feet. Chloe doesn’t respond because she’s deep into Candy Crush. Hailey squeezes her shoulder to get her attention.

I put my hand on my daughter’s head. “I’ll be home in an hour or so, okay Cubster?”

She looks up. “Sure, Dad.”

I stride out of the ridiculous mansion without saying goodbye to Mother or my stepfather and fire up my truck. As I roar out of the driveway, it’s my intention to head straight to Natalia’s. But I pull into a parking lot on the beach to gather my thoughts. Corral my emotions.

It’s night now, and I get out, kicking my flip-flops off and leaving them next to the truck. I walk onto the still-warm sand, a ball of confusion in my stomach. Should I go to her? Will she want to see me? Does she owe me an explanation? And the worst question of all: What if she doesn’t want to be with me anymore because of my family?

It’s a distinct possibility, I have to admit, and it makes my stomach feel like it’s loaded with cement. Family’s important to her. Why would she want to be a part of one that hurt her?

The moon’s full tonight, and I plunk my ass on the sand, knowing it will crack my heart in two if I lose Natalia.

* * *

NATALIA

This gel eyepack is the best thing in the world right now. My head feels like it’s going to split open, starting in the vicinity of my left sinus. That’s how my tension headaches always start, in my sinus cavities.

Two hours of being around Chad and his mother nearly killed me. Or at least it feels that way. Even though we exchanged less than twenty words, I could feel his evil permeating every molecule in the air. At some point, I realized it was a stupid idea for me to stay.

Sure, it was good meeting Matthew’s sister—she seems like a normal, cool person. And it was fun watching videos with Chloe. Matthew, though, spent most of the two hours looking shell-shocked.

Probably because it was sinking in that the woman he’s been sleeping with also screwed his half-brother.

I moan out loud. Is this situation messed up, or what? I shift on the sofa, my sinus throbbing as if there are small hand grenades going off in the cavity.

Right now, I can’t think about what will happen between Matthew and me. No, I need to stay extremely still so that the aspirin kicks in. So that the pain will go away. I reach for my weighted blanket—it helps when I’m anxious—and I cover my body.

I slip into a fitful, tense doze, and just as Chad’s face visits my nightmare, I’m roused by a knock on the door.

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