Page 60 of Crushing On My Brothers BFF

“I’m fine,” he snaps through gritted teeth. “Before you know it, I’ll be bombing down another hill.”

“If we’re going to have kids,” I whisper, kissing his cheek again, “it might be better if you didn’t.”

“What do you mean,if?” he says, turning as if to find my lips.

The doorbell interrupts us. I leap to my feet, knowing I have to be the one to answer the door. I can already feel tears welling up, trying to make me weak and pathetic at this moment, but I can’t let that happen. I have to be strong.

“Be right back,” I say, walking through the airy house to the front door.

Sophie’s eyes narrow when she sees me. Beside her, Kaleb winces and then looks at me. I swallow, not sure what to say. I’ve imagined this moment so many times over the past few months. Sophie would stop looking at me with unquestioning loyalty, and everything would change forever.

“Gwen?” She touches my shoulder. “Uh, sorry to be rude, but what the fuck?”

“I think it’s better if we discuss this with Paul,” I say, finding it hard to look at her or even stand here. All I want to do is make a crazy run for it, sprint out the door, steal Kaleb’s car, and get out of here.

We walk through the modern house, the shining, sleek surfaces at odds with the general atmosphere. Last night, Paul said he wanted to meet later, but when he woke this morning, the pain pills faded. He was fiercer, angrier. He called up Kaleb, so now we’re all sitting in the midday blazing sun, feeling we’re going to burst into flames at any second.

I swallow. I’m being dramatic, but it’s hard not to be when it feels like my world is shattering. Sophie and Kaleb sit across from us. It’s like we’ve created a natural standoff.

“So, who’s going to explain first?” Paul says.

His voice is slightly different from when it was just me and him. He’s in so much pain. I can generally tell, but he’s hiding it in front of them.

“Why don’tyou?” Sophie says, glaring at me. “Gwen, why are you here? This is surreal.”

“She’s here because she’s my woman,” Paul snaps, making me gasp like all the worst consequences I’ve ever imagined are coming true all at once. “She’s here because we’ve fallen in love over the last few months.”

“What?” Sophie looks at Paul like she’s waiting for the punchline. “Since when?”

“I’m so sorry,” I say, unable to fight it anymore. The tears finally erupt out of me. I’ve always felt guilty, crying alone, thinking about this moment. Why do I get the luxury of crying? Why should I give myself that?

It feels worse now, though. I shouldn’t be crying and letting myself manipulate her feelings like this. She deserves so much better. I wipe my cheeks. “I’m sorry,” I say, struggling to get the sobbing under control. “I wanted to tell you so many times. I just didn’t know how. I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

Sophie folds her arms, looking at me like I knew she would, as if I’m a different person, not the same girl she’s known for almost all her life. We’ve apparently forgotten that Kaleb called herhis womanin that video, but it’s clearly not about that right now. I’m in the hot seat.

“It was when that douchebag ex left me on the mountain, remember? Well, I didn’t walk back alone. I ran into Paul. He offered to walk me back down, and then we started talking, bonding, and I…” A sob tries to grip me again, but I have to push past it. I have to tell the complete truth. “I had a crush on him.”

“What?”Sophie gasps.

“When we were kids, I had a crush for years… just like—” I cut myself off.

Sophie snaps, “Just like me. Everybody here knows I had a crush on Kaleb. You can say it.”

“I thought it would go away. I mean, it did. I got older. I tried to ignore how I felt, but it was like fate threw us together that day. I never dreamed he’d want me, too.”

“But you do,” Sophie says, looking at her brother.

“More than anything,” Paul says passionately, threatening to cause more tears to slide down my face. “I tried to fight it, too, at first, but I just had to keep coming back. I couldn’t—can’t—go a few days without seeing her.”

Sophie jumps to her feet. “I need a coffee. Does anybody want a coffee?”

“Sophie—”

She cuts her brother off. “Paul, I think it would help me to make coffee, okay? Then I don’t have to think about this for two seconds. Okay?Okay?”

“Uh, sure,” he says.

Sophie spins and walks toward the door, her hands balled at her sides. It reminds me of an argument we had once when we were kids. I can’t even remember what it was about. We made up the next day, but that was how she looked, walking away, fists bunched, leaving me to wonder if the friendship was over forever.

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