Page 67 of Your Body On My Mind

"We almost had a fight on that date. You realize that, don't you?"

"And you know you left her, right? In your office. Alone. After she confessed her feelings. After she chose not to just walk away because she was afraid you would push her away."

I narrowed my eyes. At first she had wanted to build me up– had we already got to the part where she would beat me up for my decision to run away? I slowly opened my mouth, but Kaia shook her head in warning.

"You know how you were always there for her? I remember the panic the first time she got her period. You handled it beautifully– even though you had no idea and had to sneak around and read up on everything. After every high school fling that went wrong, you built her up again. This could go on forever– and vice versa. You love each other and have for a long time. Why should there be a problem now just because this one word comes into play? Basically, you already have a relationship. Nothing has to change."

So why exactly did it feel like everything had to change?

"I don't think the problem is that you've witnessed domestic violence. You're just afraid of being so close to it. It makes you vulnerable. And that makes you afraid because we all live in a time where it's so damn easy for people to hurt someone else. Intentionally. Unintentionally. No matter what. There's hardly any human relationship that doesn't end with someone losing faith in everything."

"Kaia…" I started, but she shrugged.

"You know I'm right. And you also know that you won't let her go."

"What if the press does what they've been doing for the last few years?"

"Drag you through the mud? Put you in a bad light? Or try to sabotage your relationship?"

"All of the above."

"That won't work as an argument. Nika knows what the press has said about you over the last few years, and it didn't stop her from coming back to Hawaii with you. Or from putting up with you these past few months. She knows better. And so do you. This is just a stupid attempt to get you off the hook."

Did she not know I had only used my dark side to lure Nikau home? To wrap her around my little finger and make her fall in love with me without her noticing. So in the end I would have to keep her for myself and never let her go, because it was impossible to find a woman who could fulfill all my needs. I had known her for a long time and had got it into my head that it was either her or no one else?

"I've heard that line about your priorities too, so you might as well save it." She looked at me warningly.

So Nikau hadn't just hinted, she'd told her more. That was good, because it also meant that Kaia knew exactly what she was talking about– and wasn't just using some platitudes to make me feel better. Or make me decide to do the right thing.

Even though I had known what it was for a long time.

"What doubts do you still have?" Kaia asked after a few seconds, as if she was ready to draw the sword again and fight against my thoughts.

"To be honest, I don't know. Maybe a small part of me didn't expect it to come to this and now has no idea what the next step is."

"Maybe you should have had a relationship that lasted longer than two weeks. To get practice, you know." Her ironic undertone made me narrow my eyes.

Kaia sometimes had no filter. Between her thoughts and what came out of her mouth there was supposed to be a checkpoint that prevented statements like the one she had just spat out.

"I haven't even felt the need to get rid of her in the last few months. You know that, don't you?"

"I do. I just wanted to make sure that you were aware of it as well." Kaia grinned. And was getting on my nerves even more than she already was.

"Instead of doing it in this weird way, why don't you just tell me everything straight out?"

She shrugged. "Would be boring, wouldn't it? Besides, it's a learning process. I can't chew it all up for you."

Which in turn sounded like I was emotionally and mentally challenged and would be a total wreck without my sister's help. It was a wonderful conversation, as only siblings can have.

"When did you get so annoyingly bad?" I muttered.

"Oh, you'd better shut up. You'd be lost without me. Let's talk about how you're going to justify your little meltdown. You'll have to apologize."

"You make it sound like I behaved like an absolute monster." She hadn't even been there, and I had just described the broad outlines of our conversation without going into detail. Kaia simply had too much imagination, which she always used at the wrong times.

"I mean, we both know how you can be sometimes, Kaden. You should just grovel and hope for the best. I'd be pissed as hell if I were her."

I rolled my eyes. "Point taken."

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