Page 44 of Forget & Forgive

I shook my head before taking a deep swallow of beer.

Exhaling, she sat back. “Well, damn. I’m sorry.”

“It’s my own fault,” I croaked. “I fucked everything up, and…” I waved a hand. “What else is there to say?”

She studied me for a moment. “I mean, maybe he just needs some time? It must’ve been a lot for him, getting all his memories back at once.” She paused. “I assume that’s what happened?”

“Pretty much.” My voice came out hollow. I wondered how long I’d be haunted by the sight of Owen being battered by a year’s worth of memories and emotions. I couldn’t read his mind, but there’d been pain, joy, anger, humor, grief—one after the other, sometimes more than one at the same time. There’d even been fear, which I thought might’ve been because he was so overwhelmed by the barrage of everything.

Meanwhile, my mind had been clear and quiet except for five words that had kept echoing over and over inside my head:

I did that to him.

Here in Lia’s kitchen, I took another swallow of beer, the gentle slosh inside the bottle giving away how badly my hand was shaking. “I don’t know what to do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… he’s done with me. I’ve done everything I can to show him how sorry I am and how I’d go back and undo it if I could. Which is all I wanted to do for the last year—even if I couldn’t fix it, I wanted him to know I would.” I shrugged heavily as my eyes welled up. “It’s not enough. He’s done.”

Lia pressed her lips together and nodded. “I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you there’s something you can do to change his mind.”

“Anything I do will just stress him out more.” The defeat in my own voice pushed down on my shoulders. “I’ve caused him enough misery. There’s a part of me that wants to fight for us and show him I’m…” I shook my head. “But that’ll just make him miserable. I’ve done enough of that.”

“Yeah. I know Hollywood makes everyone think persistence and a big grand gesture will win somebody over, but…” She grimaced and shook her head.

She would know—her last partner had persisted for months, sending gifts and flowers before finally showing up at the clinic with a damn flash mob. Nothing about that had been endearing. Just annoying and honestly a bit creepy. I wasn’t about to do that to Owen.

Sighing, I turned the beer bottle between my fingers on the table. “There’s also the part where I made the decision last time. Yeah, he dumped me, but I’m the one who cheated. For all intents and purposes, I’m the one who ended the relationship.” I exhaled. “I feel like I should be groveling to him and begging him to come back, but also like I need to let him have the agency this time. I need to let him decide.” I paused, furrowing my brow, and looked at my friend. “Am I gaslighting myself so I can pretend I’m not being a coward?”

Lia actually smiled, if faintly. “No. I think your therapist has definitely rubbed off on you, in a good way. And you’re right, actually. If you grovel and persist, then for all either of you know, he’ll just take you back because he’s tired of the drama.” She shook her head. “Neither of you wants that.”

“True,” I admitted.

“So give him some time. Maybe he’ll come around. Maybe he won’t. But I think you’re doing the right thing, leaving it up to him to decide.”

“Still sucks,” I muttered.

She laughed softly. Sympathetically. “I’m sure it does.”

I sipped my beer. “At least I had a chance to apologize. Like… really apologize.”

“Yeah?”

I nodded. “And, I mean, he seemed to accept that. He believed me.” My throat tightened and my eyes stung again. “But then he got his memory back, and…” I couldn’t finish that, and the beer didn’t do a thing to help me pull it together.

“I’m sorry, Matteo.” She reached over and patted my arm. “You probably got as much closure as you’re ever going to get.”

“I don’t want closure.” My voice shook badly and I didn’t even care anymore. “I wanthim.”

“I know you do.” She gave my forearm a squeeze before pulling her hand back. “But all you can do now is give him space and give him time. Maybe once he’s had a chance to let everything settle, he’ll see things differently.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

But somehow, I didn’t think he would.

No matter how much it hurt…

Owen was gone.

---