Page 62 of Nanny for the Damaged Ex-SEAL

Chapter 23

Aria

Briaissittinginan armchair. She suggested I wait a couple of days and take another test to make sure it wasn't a false positive. We're waiting in her room, watching the timer tick the seconds by. I hope and pray silently that it's a false positive. I hope that it comes out negative.

"It's time," she says and gets up to go look at it.

She comes back out of the bathroom with wide eyes and holds the stick up. "Positive."

I sink deeper into the bed.

"Oh Lord. This can't be happening. I was on the freaking pill. What the hell? I know it happens, but what are the odds it would happen to me? And right now, of all times."

She drops it on the bedside table and goes to sit on the armchair again. "So what do you want to do? Dad and Amy aren’t in touch, and you're not on speaking terms with Connor."

I sigh. "I don't know. I'm so confused. It's so crazy how I didn’t find out I was pregnant when we were together. Now that everything is ruined, I find out. Am I being punished for something I did in the past?"

"You're not being punished for anything. It's life. Life happens to the best of us. Is terminating an option you’d consider?"

"I could go see a doctor and learn more about it. I can't make a decision right now. But…" I let my voice trail.

My mind drifts to six years ago when I went to the hospital because I was in pain. After weeks of testing, I was diagnosed with PCOS, and I was placed on medication.

"You could have problems having kids in the future, but we'll do our best to make sure you have the chance to, okay?" the doctor had said.

I'd nodded, but it had scared me to shit. I love kids. I love working with them. I love taking care of them. And I'd love to be a mother someday. What if I terminate this pregnancy and never get pregnant again? It's obvious Bria has forgotten about the diagnosis.

"What are you thinking about? You're lost in thought. Would you want me to go see the doctor with you?"

I look at her with dim eyes. "You really have forgotten, haven't you?"

"Forgotten what?"

"You don't remember that I was diagnosed with PCOS after I went to the hospital complaining about painful and heavy periods…" I don't need to finish.

Bria gets off the armchair. "Oh my God. I completely forgot. The probability that you could have issues down the road." She comes to the bed to hug me. "I'm so sorry I forgot.”

I hold on to her and we stay this way for a few minutes.

Then she pulls away just a little. "So what do we do?"

I look up at her helplessly.

"I think you should tell Connor."

I pull away completely. "What! No."

"Well, you have two choices right now. Would you rather tell him and have a baby now, or do something that might mean you can never have one?"

"But if I tell him, it won't change anything. It won't make things any better."

"You just have to tell him. He's been calling you, right? That means you're still on his mind. I say tell him."

I sink into the bed with my heart beating fast. The thought of seeing Connor again is sending me into a semi-shock.

I choose a day I know is Connor's day off, a day when Ethan will be out of the house. I can't bear seeing his disappointed face. I beat myself up enough already. I can't stand seeing him cry. I walk up to the house. As I draw closer, my urge to turn around and run away gets stronger, but my legs pull me until I'm standing at the door, my hand ready to press on the doorbell. I hear the faint ring. I know it's louder inside and any minute now the door will open. I tighten my jacket around me and smooth my hair. I'm about to press the button again when the door opens. The first thing I notice is how tired he looks. The under-eye bags are back, and he has more gray hair now. I stand with my hand in the air as we stare at each other, him with incredulity on his face.

“Aria,” his voice is croaky. He clears his throat and widens the door.

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