Page 20 of Nanny for the Damaged Ex-SEAL

Amy pushes the door open. Ethan is on the bed, his little legs barely reaching the middle. He's in a blue gown and is covered from the waist down with a white blanket. His curly hair messy, the spiraled tendrils jutting out at different angles. He has a clear plastic mask with a tube coming out of it covering half of his face. His usually big bright eyes are closed but his chest is moving. Connor is on a chair just beside his bed, holding his hand.

I slow down as Amy walks in, and I wait for Connor to object. But he doesn't. He doesn't smile either. He looks beat. Like he’s cried a couple of times. I stick my hands in my pockets because I get the urge to go run my fingers over the little boy’s hair and I'm certain Connor won't approve.

"He's asleep again," Amy says, more to herself than to either of us.

But Connor answers. "Yes. He fell asleep a few minutes ago."

"Aria is here to see him. She just found out."

He nods but doesn't look at me. I take no offense. I'll let everything slide today. He's hurting.

Dad comes in. "Oh, he's asleep," he says in a whisper.

Amy nods and ushers us outside, leading us with a hand on each of our shoulders.

Later in the evening, I'm on the phone with Bria.

"Oh my God. What happened?" Bria asks.

"Dad says he choked on a bottle cap."

"Jeez. That's terrible. What about the nanny?"

"She was on the phone and was out of the room when he swallowed it."

"Jeez, that's horrible. That's incompetence."

"If Connor hadn’t come home the minute he did, Ethan would have died because the nanny didn't even call an ambulance."

"Jesus Christ. Did she want the kid dead? That's the greatest form of ineptitude I’ve ever heard of."

"She was probably panicking. That has to be the only explanation."

"Still. She's incompetent. If only you had accepted the job, then this wouldn't have happened. You would have made sure."

I'm a bit astonished. "How's it my fault now?"

"I'm not saying it's your fault. I'm just saying it wouldn't have happened if you were the one taking care of him."

"Well, I turned down the job for a reason."

"Well, you shouldn't have. Now look at the poor boy."

Jeez, how am I the one being blamed?

"It's just so scary to think that he could have just died like that. Poor Connor. Imagine losing your wife, then losing your son a year after. It would tear him apart. I know he looks strong and all, but we’re all humans with feelings," Amy states as she sets the table.

"That would be terrible. We don't even need to imagine it," Dad says from where he's seated in the living room.

I can't imagine it. It would hurt me to even think about it. Maybe Bria is right. Maybe if I'd accepted the job then this wouldn't have happened. The poor little boy wouldn't be in pain now.

"If only…" Amy starts to say.

I cut her short because I know what she's about to say.

"How is this my fault? I know I'd have been more careful with him. But it’s absolutely not my fault."

She looks at me like I've gone insane. "I was about to say if only Connor had not been so stubborn to reject the idea of you being Ethan’s nanny."

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